The biggest mistake anyone ever made was believing Chris Pratt was intelligent simply because he became conventionally attractive

Am I late to the party?! WHAT.

One of the worst ways to start my day! I am unwell!

At one point the Nazis announced over the radio that when they caught her they were going to rend her into 309 pieces and she got all excited that they knew "her score"

having a great time day drinking and watching Indiana Jones, a fantasy universe where we punch nazis and don’t elect them

Major Alert: The White has just turned all yellow to honor the Presidents love of piss and the beginning of the Piss Era of America

Oh hell yeah

If your soul could take form after death like Moana’s grandma which animal would you be? Because I’d be one of the swans in Prague biting tourists

This is a vital message: one of the larger reasons BlueSky is refreshingly free of alt-right shitlords is because in the early days we made a gentleperson’s agreement to starve these fuckos out and it worked. No likes, no quotes, no engagement. They got bored and left. Please keep the Old Ways.

Things suck, but trans friends, I love you and I’m sticking by your side whether you like it or not

fucking lol man how is this not like, a monty python bit

this is genuinely half the people you'd expect to see on the mall on a random June Saturday with no event happening

acting like they care about getting "criminals" out of the country but put one in the white house lmfao miss me

Cheers, legend

I woke up feeling like my body is trying to destroy itself but guuuuys look at my Flow terrarium

Go on, tell me more.

👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾

Check on your friends in civil service and government today, to make sure they have seen all the best jokes

All of Bluesky right now.

I literally lost my job because of those two dipshits fighting on the bird site, hope they destroy each other.

Didn’t realize this was a prophecy.

Why is it that even though I hate clutter I can’t stand to let go of baby things we don’t use any more

They're literally doing the meme

I’m allowing myself to be deeply unproductive this weekend and I gotta say, 10/10

Samwise is the strongest of the Fellowship based on the sole fact he fell directly on cast iron skillets multiple times and was completely fine

This story has everything. Clarendon tomfoolery, Big Tony’s pizza, macing a belligerent russian

You know we’re all in a really good place and everything is fine when all the scams are recruiters with job openings

Why do I feel like “charging” hasn’t been a call since the Brashear days

Y’all, I am tired. I am burnt out. Go do your good deeds and be nice to people, happy game day go caps yay

I’ve done all I can do (saged the house and opened a bottle of wine)

Life is stressful enough lately so I refuse to let hockey get me all in a tizzy too

nvm lol

I’m gonna need what very little free time I have to not be spent watching the Caps do whatever this is

Call me Ophelia the way I wanna throw myself in the Potomac rn

Treating Friday night like it’s an actual Friday night and not the night before my farmers market is never a great idea

I’d like to retract previous statements about John Carlson

Jordan Staal could start telling everyone he’s a member of the Soggy Bottom Boys and I’d believe him

What’s worse: the weird “agape” rally towels or Winnepeg’s dorky music video

I'm not in DC anymore but this is the charity I work with and support the most. They do really great work here where I live dapdc.org

It’s game day, ya goobers. Post your favorite nonprofits or causes you feel the most passionate about so we can spread the love 💕

Listen I’m not mad, but I’m gonna need to tell y’all to be NICE to EVERYONE on game day regardless if you WANT TO.

It is time babes, gays, and every which way, to watch our Washington Capitals take on those southern rebels.

You know the deal. Go do some good deeds for a Caps win. Hold some doors open, surprise a friend with a meal, put a smile on someone’s face. If your cup is empty your good deed can be for yourself, too.

I need this blackstone ownership trend to end so I can grab one cheap from an overzealous dad that used it like, one time

at the farmers market today I realized no matter how much I wish I was a Chilli I am absolutely Indy’s mom

All of your stuff needs pins and patches and stickers and they need them before round 2 starts 👇

I am so proud of my garden I’m showing it to everyone. I’m in my Samwise era