Roses are red, carnations are cream…

From Feb 4th 1939

I keep ruminating on what a taxonomy of the many types of political violence that ARE a regular feature of american governance throughout its history, and often even today pass without comment from political and media elites. there's a lot of them!

All of my bluesky feed being so relieved and smug that the shooter was a groyper based on one uncorroborated tweet is so depressing. Did you learn nothing from the right wing people making assumptions as little as 12 hours ago? Maybe wait until we’re a little more sure?

My guess is that when they find the shooter we will discover that his politics are a bizarre melange of wackadoo nonsense that doesn’t fit neatly into the right or the left.

In a Waymo, no one can hear you rip ass.

If Bluesky really wants to be successful long term we need more days with Is Trump Dead? conspiracies and fewer days where Bari Weiss is the main character.

Pretty rich for a conservative to complain about a “double standard” when none of them have engaged in a single standard on anything for about a hundred years.

I don’t think it’s true, but I’m picking out the underwear I’ll run through the streets in, just in case.

i think it would be very fun if the president died while we're at the state fair this weekend. the state fair is about the only place i ever see MAGA people and i would get to see them crying while carrying oversized stuffed animals and eating curly fries, crying on the ferris wheel, etc

I think Tarantino’s last movie should be a second-rate Marvel. Perhaps a Hawkeye movie where due to a tragic accident Kate Bishop has to learn to shoot arrows with her feet.

Here’s me when I was 21, chilling in front of a river somewhere in Russia.

POV: You laid down on the couch 0.7 seconds ago.

Has anyone considered that maybe the robots in The Matrix were doing humanity a favor by allowing them to live in a simulation of 1999 rather than on a ruined planet where organic life can’t survive aboveground?

If a majority of Congress were power-hungry sociopaths instead of attention-hungry social climbers they would have crushed Trump by now. The system needs Gavin Newsoms.

Seeing snow covering the campground. I notice the one site with thumping music and flashing lights and all I can think is now must be the winter of our disco tents.

One day you signed into AIM not knowing it would be your last time. If you’d have known, you would’ve picked better lyrics as your final away message

In Madison they’ve been building in underutilized commercial areas and the NIMBYs are mad about it anyway. “That apartment building is ugly” Uglier than the parking lot for construction equipment that used to be there?

Question for @lukelukeluke.bsky.social … What kind of mushroom is this?

Pete & Pete is the only good show

they should make a rotisserie chicken you can vape

it has been said over and over but it’s worth reiterating in the face of this horrifying decision: RFK is quite literally joining the war on cancer on the side of cancer

I hate it when female comedians tell period jokes. “What’s the deal with stagecoach provisions?” Not funny. “It’s so embarrassing when the plague doctor is handsome and I have to show him my buboes.” Gross. “These corset ribs aren’t the only whale bones I want to be squeezing.” Stop.

Your AI art is just like that weird dream you had. Everything about it is a little off, you don’t really control what’s happening in it, and you keep sharing it despite the fact that literally no one gives a fuck.

Please remember to stretch before trying any impressions of me at home

This is really disturbing.

She schröe on my dinger till my waveform collapse.

i have a fetish for shocking realizations and i just came to a startling conclusion

Do you think Barry (berry) is Captain Crunch's first name?

I need someone who has seen Eddington to call me on the telephone so we can talk about whatever the fuck it is I just watched.

This guy doesn’t remember that Peter Enis replaced Chris Matthews on Hardball.

The most shocking thing about this is how much judgement is being dished out against Coldplay fans. What did they ever do to you?

There are few things these days more enjoyable than the 5 days immediately after a Trump scandal surfaces when the right is losing their minds on social media. We know that they’ll come up with a narrative to rationalize it eventually, but until then it’s fun to watch them flail around.

Last summer my daughter found some random dude’s wallet while swimming at a state park. I tracked the guy (who played football at a nearby high school) down on Facebook to return it (one of the few things Facebook is good for). Today, nearly a year later, Meta AI sent me this message.

The thing I kind of love about EVs is that every charging station has its own private app that is completely unintuitive and requires an account with all your info. Imagine how much less fun it would be to just tap your credit card and start charging!

I’m petrified about today’s science news. Genetically modifying crabs to have cheetah genes? This could go sideways fast.

The two most famous graduates of my alma mater are a fictional character and a business tycoon who dumped toxic waste into the ocean.

Do I have everything I need for the barbershop quartet convention after party? Water bottle: ✅ Nametag: ✅ Condoms: ✅ Pitch pipe: ✅ Good to go.

Is this girl dinner?

This is not true (ICE’s budget in the bill is spread over 4 years), but I think we should still say it and make the conservatives push up their glasses and go “well actually it’s only like 30% of the Marine Corps’ annual budget”, which still sounds insane.

Even better… Social Network III. It’s 2621. Mark Zuckerberg has uploaded his consciousness to the cloud and is the Eternal God-King of the Metaverse. But rumors are swirling that trouble is brewing in meatspace. A cloned scion of Eduardo Saverin has gained power over the region housing the servers.

My daughter is going to be off at camp for three weeks and I have literally no idea what to do with myself. Text a friend to go get a drink? Can you just… do that?

AI writing tends to come out sounding deceptively coherent and intelligible even when what it wrote is entirely wrong and stupid. Wait did I say AI? I meant Ross Douthat.

Coming home from a really amazing fun weekend of singing and fellowship and no social media, opening Bluesky, closing Bluesky, throwing phone into Grand Canyon, never looking back.

Putting on a show this afternoon and we just announced “The call time is 1:45 because there are always a few people who are 15 minutes late. If that’s you, call time is 1:45. For everyone else it’s 2:00.” This kind of brutal honesty only really works if everyone else is honest with themselves 😂

Venn diagram

MY DATE: So, do you have a nickname? ME: The love machine MY DATE, GETTING EXCITED: Because of your sexual prowess? ME: No, because I'm terrible at tennis

I organized a weekend event with more than 40 attendees and… it’s happening?!?! People are here and having a good time?!?! This is freaking amazing!

bringing my setup to the gangbang