bro can’t even see Scientology Beach or hit the clubs in Ybor City

If you’re feeling down just remember that Hulk Hogan is now a skeleton with a bandana on its head

Is it a good sign when you have to specify that the investigation into sex crimes should include your political enemies but not you?

Happy Halloween (Orthodox)

The mythical media trump—who knows anything about what he's talking about—is on a collision course with the sudden need to pretend to know nothing at all about a story that he's had lots of help trying to forget.

I've seen a fair amount of comedy in my day and Mulaney's show last night in Austin was probably top 5. He has a new bit (I think?) about clothes dryers that really had me going. After all the comedy sludge that's washed up here over the last 5 years, it was nice to see a pro do his thing

For a party like that likes to imagine themselves as rugged entrepreneurs, squinting into the sunlight from atop a horse or some shit, they are the biggest fucking marks

Trying to ban THC on the grounds that synthetic THC is dangerous when it only exists because you banned THC in the first place is just insane mental gymnastics. & The states rights debate is a bullshit smokescreen. Federally legalize and be done with it already.

Man, it’s going to be sweet when not a single thing happens to any of these men.

Yeah, I'm a free thinker. A bit of a "contrarian," you might say. Big fan of going against the herd. That's why my favorite podcasts are huge fans of the president.

Ah, the party of states rights, everyone.

How much we want to bet Big Pharma and alcohol lobbyists are to blame?

THC is still legal in Texas. BUT now Republicans in Congress want to ban it — and they might get their wish. thebarbedwire.com/2025/11/12/t...

I’d started to wonder whether the Epstein files were a bit of a macguffin, but no no they implicate the President of the United States in a pedophilia ring—and show the entire Republican Party as well as much of the federal government has been baldly covering it up. www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

MEANWHILE ON FOX NEWS

Dear fellow pedophile, Donald Trump is fully aware of my work in my capacity as a pedophile. Regards, A pedophile

Gary Hart: A lecherous monster. More tonight on The Hannity Report.

I don't want to hear from another evangelical, another trad mom, another 35-year-old converted Catholic, another tech psycho, another "I'm not a racist but..", another whoever about how Trump is the better choice. They brayed like donkeys about Epstein for YEARS and now they are radio fucking silent

I can 100% pull off Charles Guiteau for Halloween next year, just enough time for nobody to remember who that is

going on twitter now is like the dark world part of link to the past, where the shape of things is roughly the same only now instead of the friendly villagers there's some demihuman freak snarling at you going "welcome to the village of assholes!! we hate you!!" also the trees shoot bombs now

2-8 Super Bowl here we come!

Saints may have their quarterback of the future and this piece of shit gets booed at an NFL game (and seems to notice)??? S-tier football Sunday!!

This is the best day as a Saints fan I've had in a long time. Maybe Shough is the guy, maybe not, but just to have that hope of *maybe* is such a great feeling!

j. edgar hoover is looking up from hell and screaming about this outfit. i think the guy could probably look past a nonwhite as director of the fbi. but dressing like shit? that is a bridge too far for hoover.

Everybody needs to take Waffle House's customer service as a model. They hate the day you were born. They'll take this outside. But they'll serve you up some smothered covered hasbrowns that make you weep for joy.

This is what future celebrities were supposed to be, not politics streamers

Hey my news outlet @thebarbedwire.com is hiring a social media manager. Looking for someone smart who lives in Tx and loves covering our messed up state www.journalismjobs.com/job-listing/...

I Bought This Tesla BEFORE I Was Hunted For Sport

finance guys on twitter are like "can't believe zohran hired lina khan. she wants to make it illegal to bundle memecoin futures into junk stocks and sell them to public worker pension plans. the public won't stand for it."

The cool thing about having done standup so long is you pick up so many acquaintances & open micers over the years and you can see their gradual descent from "not funny but a good dude" to "oh huh they moved" to anti-vax/white nationalist/Disney adult lunatic

This could be us if we weren't strangling the solar industry to help keep oil prices up

I wrote about yesterday's Texas election, which featured the usual giveaways to the rich (natch) BUT there are a couple of reasons for Dems to be enthusiastic. thebarbedwire.com/2025/11/05/w...

We feel the same way about the Dallas Cowboys once the NFL regular season ends.

With the mayoral race over, I’m worried that we won’t hear much about New York anymore

I wrote about yesterday's Texas election, which featured the usual giveaways to the rich (natch) BUT there are a couple of reasons for Dems to be enthusiastic. thebarbedwire.com/2025/11/05/w...

dawg not the steakhouse wedding font

I think I'm done logging into things

I love that Republicans have used the words woke and tariff so much that they've just lost all meaning. Like your friend who still brings up the same inside joke from high school at every class reunion.

its so awesome that the people who say you cant get upset about halloween costumes are shitting and pissing themselves over halloween costumes.

So many people were detained extrajudicially, were tortured, or died because of Dick Cheney. You can't get to the danger we're in now without everything he did. The weapons he helped forge are ones we need to take away from U.S. presidents forever.

RIP Dick Cheney it was a true joy that you lived long enough for Republican Party to shoot you in the face

Dick Cheney lived long enough to witness the horrors he had unleashed.

One of those rare days where scrolling feels fun

“There’s no going back. We *broke* something here today, something good, something that can never be put right again” — me, when I open the dishwasher before the cycle is finished.

This can’t be a baseball game, it’s actually interesting

I’d describe my look as “timeless elegance”

Parents I IMPLORE you to check your children’s candy this Halloween, I just found a knife hidden in a Reese’s miniature peanut butter cup