Welcome to Australia, where you can have a wealthy private school or koala habitat but not both | First Dog on the Moon

Just thinking about that time back in 1988 when another kid asked if I was a boy or a girl Joke's on you, asshole. I'm neither.

YOU THERE BOY WHAT DAY IS IT

Finally used some fabric I bought back in 2006 🎉

Actually, I Did Come Here To Fuck Spiders It's 5:00PM

Kink has been part of pride from the beginning. And if you disagree you gotta argue with him. Happy Pride Everyone 🏳️‍🌈

happy Pride Eve to all the people who are about to paraphrase this tweet from 2022 or repost it with my name removed as if it’s a thought they just had themselves

Oh dear God!!! This is exactly what happens when dogs and cats lay down together. 😳 #Caturday

Parenting tip: sleep when they sleep.

Heard Haku spewing after gorging himself on cat biscuits, but buggered if I can find the resultant pile of vom. Taking bets on where it is and who will accidentally step on it.

Sat down to answer a couple of emails and she took it as an invitation to plonk down on my lap and trap me. #felineparalysisisreal

The Forbidden Lamp CarmesJocelin

Finally watching Ted Lasso and gotta admit I adore Roy Kent. Why TF do I always have the horn for grumpy, black-clad arseholes...

Neighbour's doggo escaped and paid us a visit. Brb, dying of cute

i just found out there is such a thing as a diamond cut into the shape of a penis and put on a ring and i need stede bonnet to have one immediately

Cooler nights call for home-made egg custard.🤤

I now have a dishwasher that texts my phone when it finishes running a cycle and tells me exactly how much water and electricity it used. Still no flying car though.

The more things change... #chipgoblin

As someone who spent 2 decades working in libraries and information management, it's always amusing to hear the average punter's thoughts on copyright law.

If American history was taught correctly.

Taxing #Trusts is a way to #TaxTheRich, #Australia. It won't affect you at all. #auspol

Summary for alt: printcool.store on instagram is a shitty store that steals from disabled artists, stole basil’s art, acknowledged it, claimed to delete it and went on as a scummy shitty thief. Don’t buy from them!!

Saw Split Enz live last night... Bloody hell. Defs the best concert I've ever been to. The Finn brothers, Eddie and Noel are still phenomenal after 50 years.

...and of course the Coalition are using Giggle vs Tickle as an opportunity to be transphobic dickholes

What a succulent news segment 🍜

Waiting in the Emergency Room and OFC there's an old dude with his mobile on speaker phone broadcasting his business to everyone

Alma gives the left one to Doug

First-born had an interview yesterday for a trainee finance officer/admin job that would 100% suit them down to the ground. On tenterhooks waiting for them to hear back from the company 🤞

Supervising my two very different neurodivergent offspring who are learning to drive sure is an experience One is super locked in behind the wheel and will defs pass first try The other once saw a bird, got excited and ran off the road (at very low speed, thank fuck)

Used a spray gun for the first time ever and now my leg hairs are covered in a fine layer of paint

Bring back the ancient knowledge

Antipodean pals: if you haven't already done so, please get your flu vaccine. Word among healthcare workers is it's going to be a motherfucker of a season.

Achievement unlocked: didn't cry at therapy today 🎉

The first-born goaded me into buzzing my hair off. Much better.

Started watching Deadloch season 2 and now have bloody Agadoo stuck in my head

i don't know how to parody this anymore

🥲 can't spell Edging without Ed

Argh My meds have stopped working and I'm an absolute mess. Currently on the priority cancellation list for my psych and white-knuckling life until I can get in to see her. I am so fucking over my scumbag brain.

Love our blue-banded bees.

Every time The Damned tour Australia, I think it's for the final time... Then they pull another rabbit out of their collective hat. Can't wait for September. :D

Go on, have a little meltdown. You deserve a treat.

quick everybody point and laugh at the AI users

Painting is underway, thanks to the power of Iron Maiden and Hydralite.

Angus Taylor's next policy announcement will just be him slamming his dick in a car door #auspol

Me to 3yo: What do you want for your birthday party theme? 3yo: “Poopoo & peepee theme! We can get apple juice for the pee, so a skeleton pees and you drink the skeleton pee but it’s okay because it’s juice” Me: ..K I was thinking like “dinosaurs” but let’s put a pin in “piss fountain of the dead”