Helicopter Your Willy At A Nun It's 1:00PM

Doing An Adult Sized Poo In A Potty It's 12:00PM

Wipe It On The Duvet It's 11:00AM

Kick My Dick It's 10:00AM

Fanny Batter Beard Stink It's 9:00AM

Clap For Healthcare Workers Then Vote To Cap Their Salary Like A Good Fucking Tory It's 8:00AM

Develop The Next Global Pandemic In Your Arsehole It's 7:00AM

Create Your Own Jurassic Park Then Do Butt Stuff To A T-Rex It's 6:00AM

Imagine The Stools Of Bruce Springsteen After A 5-Hour Set In 40C Heat After 60,000 Little Chef Olympic Breakfasts It's 5:00AM

Spunk Up The Mother In Law Cos She Loves It Bareback It's 4:00AM

May Your Shit Come Alive And Kiss You It's 3:00AM

The English Are Tossers It's 2:00AM

Take A Warm Sperm Bath With Billy Idol, Surrounded By Floating Strings Of Jizz Like Uncooked Noodles It's 1:00AM

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because You're A Cunt. It's 12:00AM

Having Your Pussy Eaten Out By Pac-Man It's 10:00PM

Boo Loudly When Your Mum Takes The Knee, Even If It Ruins Her Blowjob Technique It's 9:00PM

Replace Your Gearstick With A Horse Dildo And Fail Your Mot It's 8:00PM

I've Got Three Pints Of Tequila And A Dunghole Full Of Fuck It's 7:00PM

You're About As Fucking Interesting As Harry Kane At A Coldplay Gig It's 6:00PM

Spread My Smegma On A Crumpet It's 5:00PM

My Penis Will Melt In Your Mouth And Not In Your Hand It's 4:00PM

Call Your Son A Paedo When He Gets His First Girlfriend At School, Then Set His Bedroom On Fire. It's 3:00PM

Do A Massive Shit On Alex Salmond's Dinner Plate And Tell Him It's A Tasty Haggis It's 2:00PM

Crawl Over Broken Glass Just To Sniff Thatcher's Dead Tory Hair It's 1:00PM

George Clooney Shitting An Actual Brick Onto Your Glass Coffee Table. It's 12:00PM

Stroke Gentle Ben's Genitals And Watch Them Bear Erect Fruit It's 11:00AM

Lick My Love Pump It's 10:00AM

Stick Your Juicy Cock In An Unsuspecting Schoolmarm's Ear It's 9:00AM

I've Just Pissed In The Sink In The Office Kitchen And There's Fuck All You Can Do About It It's 8:00AM

Drink A Hatful Of The Vicar's Cold Cum It's 7:00AM

Donald Trump Being Re-Elected In 2024 And The Inauguration Being Him Re-Enacting The Infamous Sharon Stone Basic Instinct Chair Scene It's 6:00AM

Cork Up My Arsehole And Shout "You Shall Not Pass" It's 5:00AM

Cork Up My Arsehole And Shout "You Shall Not Pass" It's 4:00AM

Spunk On My Uncle It's 3:00AM

Shove Your Wife's Toothbrush Up Your Gaping Arsehole It's 2:00AM

Go Smear Yourself In Tramp Shit It's 1:00AM

Shit Bollocks It's 12:00AM

Minge Wipe It's 11:00PM

Piss Your Pants And Hide Them In The Aldi Middle Aisle. It's 10:00PM

Tina Turner's Tits It's 9:00PM

Horrible Horrible Horse Cock It's 8:00PM

Make A Hostage Video With Neil, Portillo And Abbot But Its A Contemporary Artwork Called News Gb Where The Viewers Are The Hostages. And Finally,... It's 7:00PM

Call 100 And Ask The Operator For Freefone Painful Testes It's 6:00PM

Swap The Beer Barrels In Spoons For Barrels Of Tim Martin's Boiling Piss. No, Don't Bother. He's Already Done It. It's 5:00PM

Pull Back My Foreskin And Paint My Nob In The Union Jack It's 4:00PM

Pop To The Chippy For Us Son, Your Ma Needs A Fuck It's 3:00PM

Sitcom Home To Roost But Done Completely Naked Now On Itv 4 It's 2:00PM

Your Nan Used To Give Handjobs For Green Shield Stamps. She's Dead Now, Just Like The Green Shield Stamps Scheme. It's 1:00PM

My Cock Is Too Big For That It's 12:00PM

Go To Tesco And Touch The Cucumbers It's 11:00AM