"Most exclusive restaurants aren't really that exclusive if you aren't picky about times." Is what I will say to my wife a month from now when we are going to the Valentine's Day dinner I just booked for 4:30pm.

This is a vetted fundraiser for the family of Renee Good, the woman who was killed by ICE in Minneapolis. www.gofundme.com/f/support-fo...

"it's a reverse funnel system"

I am impeaching Secretary Kristi Noem, who is an incompetent leader and a disgrace to our democracy. She wreaked havoc in the Chicagoland area and has brought her reign of terror to Minneapolis. One of her rogue ICE agents shot and killed an innocent woman today. It must come to an end.

Thinking about Heather Heyer today. Wish the 9 years since her death were different

Look if there's one thing this country can handle without much trouble, it's 20,000 more people in prison

Scully let's split up. I'll interview this beautiful botanist and you go check out the sewer system full of human bones

It's Their Time

Nice argument, however I have already depicted you as the lonely Skarsgård and me as the jubilant Fanning

Imagine if the Bears knew you could play good all 4 quarters instead of just the last one

lol the Bears

Avatar 3 juuuust barely sliding into the top ten movies to gross a billion dollars the fastest by tying The Fate of the Furious with 18 days to hit the target. I am certain this means something Good and Important but I am not totally sure what

[waking up from a coma that I've been in since early 2016] Donald the Dove

Definitely in the “Maoist Standard English Mindset” right now

Happy New Years!

12:23am, January 1st, 2026. Stepped out into the crisp Chicago air and immediately ate shit on the slick, icy stairs of the apartment building I was celebrating the new year in. Looks like another year of this sort of bullshit I guess

It was very nice of Gen Z to make baggy clothes trendy after I moved to Chicago and gained 50 pounds. Really did my a solid

It's always a little embarrassing for me to admit this every new years eve, but I truly genuinely love the song Auld Lang Syne. Sincerely one of our best songs

ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court— BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.

I like all of the Actually Good movies this year, OBAA, Marty Supreme etc but I'm still riding a high on Superman. Every time I think I'm finally done with cape shit forever, Gunn drags me back in

Sort of half baked narrative premise in this eczema medicine ad I just saw

Die Hard making the Moonlighting guy into an action star is like the good version of what happened to Chris Pratt and Jim Office

Timothee Chalamet giving Susan Boyle a Marty Supreme jacket is a joke they could've been in Lonely Island's Popstar: Never stop never stopping

*AAA game protag voice* I should beat my shit crazy style. Hmm. Lotion. Could come in handy later. Heh. Handy. Should probably beat off first. Should probably beat my shit before doing that. I'm not leaving until i beat my shit.

Honey, put on your best dress, it’s gift card dinner night

Actually, I'd say Characters Welcome

Been reading these for enough years that I've noticed men becoming more and more honest about sticking stuff up their butts. More "I was bored" and less "uhh I fell on it and it just got stuck up there somehow" every year

The Avatar box office numbers hit a perfect amount that everyone's just using them to confirm their priors. If you don't believe in Big Jim it's falling short of Way of Water and if you're one with Eywa you're saying it broke even in 4 days. Insane thing to be posting about on Christmas Day, I know

The "uh methinks Die Hard is a Christmas movie" guy doesn't really exist any more but the posts about being annoyed at that guy have never gone away. In a similar vein, the incest Folgers ad hasn't aired in over a decade but people are always talking about it like they just saw it on TV

Little Christmas tip: throw a little booze in that eggnog. Taste pretty good!

Love Linus in Charlie Brown Christmas but if I knew a guy in real life who was always quoting scripture, I'd fucking hate that guy and THAT'S the magic of da movies

I like being an uncle for the holidays because: Mom and dad are responsible, and will discipline you. Grandpa and Grandma are indulgent, and will coddle you. But the uncle... the uncle is unpredictable. The niece and nephew cannot know what the uncle will do, because the soul of the uncle is CHAOS

Bari Weiss is destined for the dust bin of history or at the very least a particularly difficult Jeopardy question that no one even attempts to buzz in for

somewhere between watching the blue cat man with dreadlocks get perp walked while people in exoskeletons filmed and cheered like we caught bin laden and the extended Whale Court sequence i simply had to give it up to james cameron no one is doing it like him

Getting choked up thinking about how the Sullys stick together

Guess I'll post this again

don’t care. vote blue no matter who

The year is 2029. The Chicago Bears are playing at Uncle Sam’s Fireworks Store Stadium in Merrillville. It has a retractable roof sponsored by the Hell is Real billboard. The halftime show is presented by a rotating cast of personal injury law firms.

it’s so cool how no matter how important an organization’s work is, no matter how many critical stories they’ve published, when it comes time to negotiate with their workers’ guild the management always argues “we should be able to throw away all that goodwill and feed our workers into a furnace”

Mary Do You Know? is the worst Christmas song. Weirdly spooky in a way that doesn't match the lyrics and super condescending to the poor titular woman

My advice to Gen Z is to start drinking more with your friends. Sorry if this is problematic but it works

Doing the Sunday night equivalent of taking a knee and running out the clock where I lay on the couch playing on my phone until it's late enough to play on my phone in bed

There are Lori Lightfoots everywhere for those with the eyes to see

Harkin' around the herald tree As the angels start to sing Peace on earth and mercy mild It's a new old fashioned king

Feels like negative zero outside. It's so cold it feels like a mathematical impossibility. Time and space folding into itself

saag paneer is the height of human culinary invention. We're not going to come up with anything better than that one

Sort of quaint to stumble across a web comic about dating as a demi sexual these days. Didn't know we were still hashing that one out. Good for them I guess