bad time for my edible to kick in

My son and I have been playing through the Metal Gear games and I gotta ask: Does The Phantom Pain ever get good or is it just one bland mission after another? This thing is like watching paint dry.

No, no, no, he just mentioned the high price of arugula early in the 2008 campaign; what he liked on his burger was—oh no—DIJON MUSTARD

One of Obama’s “scandals” is saying he liked arugula on a sandwich. Arugula.

Keefe-looking dude was busy

This is basically the millennial and zoomer version of Fox News pushing crime news to every boomer to scare the shit out of them.

For today’s mailbag questions I wrote about my worst interview ever, which involved an academy award winning actor hanging up on me and was so bad that it never actually published in any form

I suspect this might be the best photo I ever take

Was wondering how long until this became a brain-melting retort and the commies did not disappoint

Seth Abramson is the Mueller She Wrote of Sarah Kendziors. It brings me no pleasure to report this.

a good idea is to be wary of anyone who thinks that being right on one single issue excuses anything else you do

There's a reason it's happening. There's a reason you went looking for a Democrat that looked like Graham Platner, and there's a reason he turned out to be Graham Platner. Learn the lesson. Abandon the aesthetic. Embrace the cringe.

Oh. Oh, he's fucked.

Let’s not do a James Dobson but leftishly

“I’m Kid Rock.” “I’m Naomi Wolf.” “I’m Kanye West.” “I’m Matt Taibbi.” “I’m Catturd. Those stories, plus Rob Schneider, tonight on 60 Minutes.”

I spoke to Destin Daniel Cretton and Andrew Guest about the success of WONDER MAN, what comes next in season two, and what exactly happened to Josh Gad

you cannot be serious

the last time cbs news fucked with 60 minutes this bad Michael Mann made a film about it starring Al Pacino and Russell Crowe that was nominated for best picture that made all of management look like the incompetent spineless fucks that they were. anywho what’s Mike up to these days

actually polling (such as there is) shows Platner doing MUCH! better in Maine's more urban south and much worse in its vast rural north and indeed the most enthusiastic supporters I've met and talked to have been city (Portland) and suburban middle classers who imagine he's what rural voters want

Hey, I live in a rural area, so let me be clear: Fuck this take. Rural voters are not noble savages. They are by and large Republicans who Platner isn’t converting. He’s doing fine in a Democratic primary and will proceed to get wrecked in the general when even more of his baggage spills out.

So many people on this website are worried about what's cool and none of you are cool! None of you are cool! You will never be cool! We are not cool people! Get over it

That’s not how character works.

OK the Wolverine trailer lived up to the hype. You folks weren’t kidding

The @torionic.bsky.social recap I’ve been waiting for. “Spider-Noir” is a surprisingly well-crafted little number that isn’t afraid to let Nic Cage be weird as hell. Co-sign every word of this.

My first He-Man figure was also Man-at-Arms, and now I want to know if there was some sort of nationwide He-Man shortage. Were frazzled parents standing in toy aisles going, "None of these are a naked guy in his underwear. Just get him the mustache one. Who cares?"

"why were the consultants and pod bros so ride or die for Platner even when it was clear he has enormous baggage?" firstly, he was their bartender *wink wink* Second, Platner was never really a candidate. He was a mascot for a particular brand package that was supposed to be sold nationwide

You know what ruined the internet? Twitter. Twitter created a nihilistic hive mind where you only exist if you’re a socialist reactionary in a constant depression spiral. Do you enjoy life like a normal person? Congrats you’re Satan. Now those same elements are glazing a guy with a Nazi tattoo.

Instead let John Carpenter make good versions of Zack Snyder's movies

If your reaction to Graham Platner’s latest scandal is to write a weirdo rant about how he’s a manlier man than Pete Buttigieg, you need to log off so hard that you become Amish.

The writers barely disguised fetish.

I already knew the author before I even clicked. Hope she sees this, bruh.

This movie? Still absolutely fucks. Readily earns its place alongside some of the biggest epics of the early aughts.

Fine, I’ll ask it: Do we have a Bugs Bunny gif where he saws off Maine?

“I'll go play for Putin and I'll play in Iran if you want. It don't matter.” Thank you, Ice.

Did James Talarico just MOG everyone saying he doesn’t have a girlfriend? I don’t know how any of these words work.

Today is my birthday. If you are thinking, “what can I get my internet pal Mike?” Well! A perfect gift would be subscribing to my still (somewhat new) newsletter. (If you become a paid subscriber, I will use your money to buy a refreshing birthday Suncruiser)

Trump’s name just got ripped off the Kennedy Center while his ballroom is nothing but an embarrassing hole in the ground. He’s not pressing some magic wish button, folks.

Looks Like I Owe Bret Michaels' Wig an Apology

One of the big reasons why so many are ignorant of how the federal government actually works is that the people who we could trust to explain this instead just post popular slop like this and everyone goes “yeah!”

This is an extremely mealy-mouthed statement that tries to lean on threats as an excuse, but Bret Michaels backing out is a huge canary in the coal mine. Bret is from the next town over and is a God to MAGA boomers. If he’s distancing himself from Trump, holy shit.

If you watch Spider-Noir in color you should get put on a watch list.

Here's my article about Widow's Bay. Short version: it's way more fun than anything else right now.

Hi, Los Angeles, please don't make the Barbie and Ken from Hell your mayor. Good luck. We're all counting on you.

When my grandfather quit smoking for the final time, my grandmother told a story about how they were doing yard work and every time they stopped, without fail, he'd reach for his shirt pocket. There was nothing in there, but it was pure reflex. That's how I feel about my phone.

I fully admit I’m getting fucked up every time I log on. Who is not admitting that?

When did I experience the worst anxiety? When my writing career got strapped to a rocket. Just white knuckled it through years of thinking my family will be living in my parents’ garage at any second. And then my job did implode and… my worst fears didn’t happen. OP doesn’t have to live like this.

A questionably factual fear-of-the-future panic driven by inchoate political resentment is attracting *reactionaries*? Well - now I’ve seen everything

As I hand the ice cream to my daughter, a voice screeches from beneath a bench. “Milk, sugar, CREAM? Such frivolity for a nuclear family. This is not leftist fun.” Properly shamed, I knock her cone to the ground. “Theory is the only treat we need,” I say solemnly. “Joy is the mind killer.” Fin.