Just in case you needed reminding that Karren Brady is an awful person.

I had no idea it was going to rain last night so left the electric lawnmower out. Should probably get a new one, huh?

Big shout out to my dad who passed without any inkling of a warning in 2022. If I achieve nothing else in life I hope my daughter remembers me as affectionately as I remember him. Big love to all of you for whom today is difficult.

Sensational stuff 🤩 x

EngVARland.

Despite the fact I’ve got an English wife and an English daughter AND I have lived here for 38 of my 49 years on Earth - I’m Croatia all the way tonight. Fuck you guys. No Bowen, no party.

It's unbelievably exhausting trying to explain to grown adults, that my fourteen year old isn't non-binary because of social media. You'd think the fact that I've known and raised them their whole life, I might just know a little more than they do. *LOUD sigh

Perfect photo, no notes.

Time for me to repeat one of my ‘sayings’. If you try to solve a problem by passing a law, but people don’t obey the law, you now have two problems where you used to have one.

Just popping in to say Olivia Rodrigo has absolutely smashed it out of the park with her new record. A genuine masterpiece.

Fucking tell FIFA to fuck off...

I have a magnificent hangover and about 5hrs to kill before my train. This is going to be difficult.

I bought a Miffy for the child. She’s awesome.

Smart World Cup tactics from USA

I got up at 5:15am and now I’m in Rotterdam waiting for my train to depart. This is my fourth country of the day. I’m reading a book about Andrew and Fergie and drinking a terrible beer. My two day holiday is in full swing.

It’s 6:07am and some prick is listening to Mr Bombastic on his phone with no headphones.

I’m two weeks into a tattoo on my ribs and I’m so fucking itchy I could actually cry. MAKE IT STOP.

Police coming to David Sullivan's front door to arrest him

YEEEESSSSSSS!!!! news.sky.com/story/david-...

This time next week I will be in Amsterdam watching Iron Maiden. FUCK YEAH!

Welcome to being an adult! Featuring such injury causing events as: - sneezed wrong - turned your neck a little too fast - slept funny And many, many more.....

Legit banger

Fuck yea, I love reading the news.

This is rather good www.theringer.com/2026/05/28/t...

Starting an out of context thread of stuff my daughter said because she’s hilarious. This is for my own benefit and so I can read it back to her one day. 1.“It’s called a bush for a reason”.

At the risk of offending some mutuals, my biggest joy of the last 24hrs or so has been arsenal fans complaining about contentious ref decisions like they didn’t win the league because of them. Not so funny when it’s against you, huh? YOU’LL NEVER SING THAT…etc.

lol.

Ten acts you've seen, female lead singer edition: Lambrini Girls NewDad Mazzy Star PJ Harvey Babes In Toyland Olivia Rodrigo Bjork Elastica Suzanne Vega Echobelly

Friends, an apology: I failed to mark the 13th anniversary of this yesterday. An appalling omission

One of the worst things about being a musician now is having to try and create these things and dangle them in front of you like a ring or an earring in front of a magpie and hope it catches your attention. (Please repost)

“Shut up you ugly fuck” is a measured, mild, and accurate response to Stephen Miller

If you've had an actual relationship with a woman you wouldn't need this.

Wife is out tonight so I asked the child what she wanted for dinner. “Something not hot” “An Irish Mammy Salad it is then” “A what now?” “Irish Mammy Salad…” (Deeply confused look at me) “Cold picky bits” “HELL YEAH! LETS GOOOOOOOOOO” Another step forward in learning her heritage.

All the pigeons at Leeds station have manky feet and I don’t like it.

On my way to Leeds to get my left hand side tattooed. I’ve barely slept due to the inferno and am (in no uncertain terms) absolutely shitting myself. It’s going to be a long day of pain, starting with rush hour London transport.

Today is the day we finally find out West Ham’s fate. Consequentially I woke up very early as I’m bricking it. There are no guarantees in life but I think it’s pretty much odds on that no matter what the outcome is, in about 12 hours time I’m going to be pretty drunk.

Pep is leaving before the charges drop. ______________ Change my mind

No idea why Tuchel is getting all the hate over his squad selection. Toney's experience playing in half-empty stadiums under an authoritarian regime could prove invaluable.

Quote post with a fictional band that is not Spinal Tap.

when you utter “cereal” in a hard-surfaced room

I feel absolutely filthy rooting for Chelsea but that’s where we are.

Major LOLZ at Southampton.

Stop what you’re doing and check out my new t-shirt.

If the new Health Minister doesn't actively despise the NHS and everyone working within it, that'll be a start....

I'm back off my holidays and I frankly need cash money so for the next week there is a whopping 40% off at the P&W store (please) fill your boots I have a lifestyle I need to uphold www.etsy.com/uk/shop/Proz...

A fellow Labour Party member once described Wes Streeting to me as Zippy from Rainbow if he'd been radicalized by Mumsnet. which is a very specific set of references but also disturbingly accurate.

Two weeks from right now I will be in Leeds. I’ll either be in the pub or watching telly in bed at my hotel - place your bets now.

THAT'S RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS, I WON A WEBBY AWARD. Here's my 5-word speech. #webbys