Tiny Tim, who did NOT hit her. He did not. Oh hi, ghost

In case you’re interested in giving yourself or somebody else a woo woo little gift… I’m doing tarot readings over on Patreon for a limited time only. It’s super cheap and very fun, too. Thanks to folks who have already booked! www.patreon.com/posts/for-li...

Okay gang, The Onion is 80 sign-ups away from our 60,000th print subscriber. This would put us in contention for the Top 10 most circulated newspapers in the U.S. So! We're giving our 60,000th subscriber a mystery box by our archivist as a nice lil thank you. Sign up now. I'd give it an hour.

This was me and @sarajbenincasa.bsky.social on our first date

Faith Hill describing a kiss:

Living the dream 😐👍

I love that the Bears are being led to victory by a man with the name of an Elizabethan poet

My December vibe will be this slutty ghost of Christmas present

Sometimes I feel like I’m not online enough to know what folks on bluesy are talking about but I’m too online to get baited by what folks on threads are talking about.

Oh, please. Mr. Bowden is my father. Call me:

Without downloading any new pics, what is it like dating you?

The other vibe I bring to the function

The vibe I bring to the function

I guess paying people to program a chat bot is easier than removing your lower ribs to self-fellate

Morning.

people are so incredibly dumb, I'm mad that I felt pressured to be smart my entire life

Yes … meow meow meow … YES! Happy Friday from Dottie. I’ve always believed cats were Sickos … @theonion.com

Animal Farm by George Orwell

ah, perhaps instead of pumping millions into endless factional infighting Dem donors could invest in making local Dem organizations genuine civic spaces that can reach people during and between elections

Sorry to be all “I love LA” but Maria Bamford just lowkey came through the bar as Cookie Monster handing out homemade cookies to everyone 🤩

It's taken me half my life to realize the Luddites were right. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luddite

[Jabba the Hutt voice] crypto to your sipp or isa, ho ho ho

I'm not sure you can get more marie antoinette than taking away food stamps before thanksgiving while you build a gold and marble dance hall so the other crooks can bring bribe you over a badly-cooked (argentinian) steak

Me watching my students come in from recess

Being smart right now feels sooooo stupid

My friend Chad the Bird & I appeared on Chicago’s beloved @wgntv.com today because we are serious journalists. Come see our show 10/30 at 8 PM at The Lincoln Lodge or simply enjoy our Halloween educational antics here.

Us Cubs fans weren't getting into heaven anyway

I'm so proud of everyone from my old neighborhood of Rogers Park in Chicago. I see what you have been and are doing. I am so proud of how organized the community is and how much more so everyone is becoming. It is inspiring. Just one example... And this is something EVERYONE can do. Everyone.

CHICAGO: REBUILD is providing therapy to folks detained by ICE. Please feel free to let people know. findmeatherapist.org

topical

BREAKING: Masked Border Patrol agents aggressively arrested WGN video producer Debbie Brockman in Lincoln Square Friday morning, supposedly for "obstructing justice." (Video via Josh Thomas on Facebook) Follow @heartlandsignal for more.

Country fans are upset with Zach Bryan after he criticized ICE in a song. But don't let it be known that Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, Kris Kristofferson, and Johnny Cash all despised fascism and leaned heavily to the left.

$50 says that the girl was wearing a joke shirt with "antifa is my boyfriend"

Dude looks like the dumbest kid in every middle school

Linda Ronstadt, 1979 Topps #Dodgers #Baseball

I'm not a lawyer but "too" is agreement with her statement. Also, yes, let's get all the senile old goats out of office

9 out of 10 legal experts say murder is illegal

The foreskin turned into a ring because it came from his ding a ling

Elvis is the rare celebrity of yesteryear that if anything would fit in even more today because he was super into self defense and being high on drugs and talking to a crooked President and dating a teenager, he’d 100000% have a crypto thing going on

That's what narcissists do when cornered

Someone trying to lure me into a trap

Okatsuka posted the censorship rules for the controversial comedy festival, noting how many "You can’t say anything anymore!" comedians have signed on. www.avclub.com/riyadh-comed...

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

I work with middle schoolers and 6-7 is their angel number

These noodles talk to each other. Their conversations are about something other than a man

"Hot Girls Hate Fascists" Sticker spotted in Seattle

Turning 45 soon. For my birthday, I want to help raise money for some kids whose parents were kidnapped by ICE here in the Chicagoland area. If the video isn’t of interest, I hope the GoFundMe is: www.gofundme.com/f/show-solid...