my most millennial trait is that I still think Dance Yrself Clean is essentially the perfect song.

They’re always doing this to me.

that rotation was directly on top of my house for a second. first time in a long time I've hung out in the basement

I think one of the sirens near me is dying. It keeps getting flatter and flatter.

I got the model kit for the DHV Magellan as a souvenir for playing Death Stranding 2 and Jaeger is obsessed with the box it shipped in. Won't leave it alone

Look on my works, Chat, and despair

the gas pump filling at like 1gpm is a good sign right

my buddy at work said "hey someone is giving away a vintage oscilloscope do you want it?" and I broke out into a run

GOD. DAMN. This Louisiana man fucking COOKED like I’ve seen very few people cook before.

the discerning comic reader will read the first panel of this one and say "oh my god i get two more panels after this?”

hit credits on death stranding 2 this morning. unbelievable video game, most successful kojima project since mgs4 by far.

damn those kinematics really are inverse

awoo baby

lmao

the moon is so bright and intense that it's a little scary

Happy May Day. The cause of labor is the hope of the world

the people who developed dirty mountain dew were perverts

i forgot!!!

mr and mrs household seem way too well-adjusted to explain noel's whole deal

I hate that the sparkle icon is shorthand for AI. They want us to think it’s magic. Fuck you!!! Magic is when you lose a glob of mustard from your sandwich but it doesn’t land on you. When you win at 20 questions. Sparkles belong to Liberace. A baby’s smiling eyes. I will put you in the ground!!!!!!

neododgingbullets.gif

I woke up at 3AM and shot straight up in my bed with a single gleaming thought in my head: hunter x hunter is really really good

This “-maxxing” and “-mogging” stuff comes from an ugly place and has never been particularly funny. But what about if *I* adopt it, but ironically,

holy crap I just got a spam text for a roofing inspection

is that cell losing juice as it gets to where the last one hit? is that a thing that happens? #wiwx

since when do they do sirens for "destructive" severe t-storms

[ask] me how my first experience with Sleep was a live show

whooooooa

I remember not to put her bras in the dryer and she remembers not to put my knives in the dishwasher. gendered household labor equality is real and it exists exclusively in my house

"just following up on this" = stop ignoring me "putting this at the top of your inbox" = what the hell's going on, read my email "friendly reminder" = im going to kidnap your kids

here for this day 1!!!

my therapist got so mad at the internet she turned red in the face and that folks is a person i can trust

oh my GOD

so I'm seeing @oncinema.bsky.social tonight and there was a part of me that was wondering if we were gonna get a redux of russia annexing crimea

I’ve been thinking about this guy almost daily for ten fucking years. essentially my entire 30’s. when he finally croaks I imagine I’ll let out a sigh so deep it realigns my fucking spine

Probably not a great day to spend on the retirement home for people who were forged in the rhetorical fires of 2000s forums and just can't stop posting huh

legendarily, he was worried that Vince actually got blown up in a limo that one time so it turns out making a guy who doesn’t understand kayfabe the president of the free world has had some unfortunate consequences

hey has a sitting president ever publicly said "fuck" or any of its variants? I mean hell has trump?

not even fishing for a reskeet here but there is something magic about a paper copy of @theonion.com that turns headlines you'd otherwise get a sensible chuckle from on a phone screen into the loudest belly laugh you've had all week. can't recommend a subscription enough.

yes, well-meaning person hearing my name for the first time, I *have* heard of better than ezra

For fucks sake. They. Do. Not. Have. The. Boots. For. This. Shit.

ok but charlie and the chocolate factory did have a darker sequel and it ruled. great glass elevatorheads sound off

woof. Car vs median in front of my house so bad that the shaking from the impact woke us up and now every cop on earth is out there

i don't get it! there's this whole subplot about having to do geoengineering, and the supergovernment decides that fucking up the climate to save the human race is worth it, and not everyone agrees! you did a politics in your book dude

I guess boycotting Harry Potter feels pretty trivial to me, because I'm an adult. if someone told me I shouldn't eat Gerber's baby food, I'd be like, that is no problem. I'm way ahead of you

your chiral network is your chiral net worth. i've always said this