i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests - nazgul bodycams - morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring - shelob will be the new point of contact

Nature valentines. This comic is now available as a set of 6 Valentines cards: topatoco.com/collections/...

More from the Cactus Wren nest 🪶

If I could rip the defensive talking mechanism out of the brains of every writer I have ever worked with I would, and install this operating chip instead ⬇️⬇️⬇️

I didn’t expect to end the year at a hockey game with friends, but honestly, it was pretty great. Cincinnati crushed Indy, the indoor fireworks were actually cool, and the creepy mascot stayed far away from me. Happy New Year, Bluesky cuties! 🪩✨

merry hot chocolate season ✨

this phrase will haunt me for the rest of my life

I am pleased to announce I’ve won the NHL award for Best Picture.

Happy Thanksgiving! 🍂🍁

yes, i have been saving this screenshot for six months, just so i could wish you a lovely thanksgiving that is free from any obblegobblegations

“Heated patio” DOES make more sense to put on a roadside sign, but I was really enjoying the ten seconds when I thought it said “heated potato.” 🥲

[Dad at kitchen window with coffee cup observing rain voice] we needed this

Canada celebrates The Rapture in October

The Selena Gomez Oreos slap. Thank you and good night.

live your life so that when you die everyone talks about how hot you were and not how you were a hateful bigot

i dare the innovative minds at apple to find a word other than “innovative”

A car across the intersection let out a little honk today, and the best way I can describe the sound is "shy bagpipe." I'm obsessed.

*breathe in* I am not a dumpster fire. *breathe out* I am a dumpster phoenix.

Watched a man take a very hefty paperback book into the local Taco Bell, like he was preparing to be there for quite some time and had resigned himself to this fate. 🫡

photos of hedgehogs wearing tiny hats

ozzy osbourne dies everyone: "enjoy hell (complimentary)" hulk hogan dies everyone: "enjoy hell (derogatory)"

I’d like the option to submit a bug report without then being drafted to the app development team for the next two to forty business days

Your mom sent me a thank you card for wasting part of my one wild precious life with her dusty son

hey panera can we have the lemonade that kills us again

amtrak’s marketing team gets it

Sometimes in life you just need to stop and yell in a basket on the sidewalk. Photo from my collection, no date/info.

Have you ever wished the browser would look at a background color and pick black or white for the text — whichever one provides more contrast? Now, the `constrast-color()` function in CSS does just that. webkit.org/blog/16929/c...

Concurrently terrifying and erotic Goodnight

Getting whacked on the inner ankle by a Skip-It would fix me

"I'm a slut for coasters" is a real thing I just said, and before you ask, yes, I am in therapy for many reasons 😌

Commas, like people and ducks, are often found in pairs. Read all about it in our latest post—which includes links to five related posts, all newly updated. Only at CMOS Shop Talk.

I am powerless to make the internet better but I can absolutely make it worse

thank you to craig for another year of being the dork and the hot one. may your hair always be perfect in this life and the next #wwdc

omg, app windows on ipad, just in time for the end of the world 🥲 #wwdc

i will be disabling “workout buddy” immediately, lollll #wwdc

the spam screening options genuinely look nice. good job, team #wwdc

tap dat liquid glass (is this anything?) #wwdc

Bluesky has (correctly) decided that I am too fragile to read any posts today, and tbh, this is a gentle parenting feature I would pay for

Nature is healing.

Crossword puzzle explodes in Europe.

how is goodreads still the way that it is, though

"I am rooting for each speller. I want each of them to spell every word right. I want to be there all day. What I want even more than that, though—much, much, much more than that—is for no one to misspell a word due to a mistake I made." defector.com/confessions-...

Today is National Biscuit Day, and it’s about time that I populated this account with biscuit (cookie) sets from the past few years. Here are some of my favourites. 🧵 First up, a set inspired by the delicious designs of William Morris and John Henry Dearle.

i hate when hot people are nice. it’s like, pick a lane

They should make every user sign this statement before opening a Bluesky account

Don’t let hippos sniff mopeds Or a deer chew your bike Hide big wheels from gators They know what they like Geese love to rub rowboats Ducks will tickle your van Rabbits snuggle with tractors Whenever they can Squirrels smooch skateboards If a door’s left ajar And whatever you do

we need a word that encompasses “this is so real and good and important” and “hnng, I find this content attractive”

This somehow isn’t my alt account