god I'm starving, you know what I could use right now? an infant so tender and mild

[first day as a shepherd] boss: where are you going? me: [pointing] star boss: what? why me: [shrugging] baby

Simply Having A wonderful

Me this morning: I actually love Christmas shopping! Me this afternoon: the reindeer should die in a fire

On behalf of Short People re. Nikki Minaj: we denounce her evil, tiny works

America is crumbling while Canada is making sexy gay hockey shows. They are the superior country.

I’m tired of the bad guys suffering no consequences can we try a thing where they do and they’re ample

Newsflash: James Cameron Keeps Raising The Avabar, probably

it does not require a super genius to predict that people will start hating you if you spend a lot of time telling them that you’re coming for their jobs and careers

Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.

"This promise of an AI future, is really just a collective anxiety that wealthy people have about how well they're gonna be able to control us in the future." - @tressiemcphd.bsky.social with an absolute mic drop moment about AI bullshit. Incredible words. Listen to all of it!

When the weather outside is frightful If mean to the barista I spite y’all

RIP JFK you would have loved future ICE sponsored UFC matches here

Taj Mahal to be renamed My Ex Drools Emily Rules

Are these the same companies that told us the robot could do it?

why aren't they throwing bread at me. what do the ducks have that i do not

Even dead Epstein is like poor taste, bestie

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

the good that you do persists in this world

Hello? I'm calling from room 237? There's a hot naked woman in the bathroom who gets old when you kiss her? Could you send someone?

A man with the name Dick Van Dyke being the most beloved comedian/reaching 100 years old is just more proof God loves the gays/dick

This is INSANE www.nytimes.com/2025/12/09/t... and these are our closest allies!

One of the many reasons AI can't produce good writing is it can't hate its own writing. It can't think to itself "Maybe I'm illiterate" during the writing process. And that's essential

This entire grift relies on convincing people that they don't know how to do the things they have always known how to do, and ironically, if it works, we will, in a very short amount of time, forget how to do all the things we have always known how to do.

My hottest take is y’all need to remember what it is to only have 14 fucking years on this Earth. Let’s cultivate safe spaces for KIDS to ask questions and learn. Unless you all came out of the womb knowing conversational Latin and the entire history of ancient Sumatra stfu you sound old af

My student debt is so old it just got accepted to college

Honestly, if I was married to Stephen Miller I would also want to die.

Truly humbled FIFA has declared I am the new Great One because I know how to pronounce more than two countries

MacKenzie Scott: *donates $50M every 10 hours° Joe Lonsdale, co-founder of Palantir: "I want to see people hang"

There are so many people living lives of quiet dignity despite horrific medical news or poverty or tragedy where every day they still wake up and try to be good people in the world even as the world pushes against them and it makes me even angrier at the absolute shitheads that rule over things

"oh, don't forget to highlight, in bright red, the two-letter word in the tagline! the two letter word that's kind of the whole point of this clever ad campaign! the two letter word that links this show to the horror movie of the same name!" "no problem boss. i'm on it"

I feel like one of the most underrated explanations for what's happening right now in global politics is that almost everyone has lost their minds.

My interview with Andrew Tate & Laurence Fox

Does anyone want a survivorship bias shortbread

Bong Joon Ho hit me up for the squad you legend deadline.com/2025/11/bong...

Australia just recorded zero cervical cancer cases in women under 25 for the first time since records began in 1982. The amazing result of HPV vaccination.

I think if Canada wants to have a strong cultural identity we need to go back to doing what we're best at, making the weirdest fucking TV shows you've ever seen

SEVERAL sequels to Ocean's 8 featuring Cate Blanchett and her incorrigible wife Sandra Bullock

My microwave is so passive aggressive yes I made you heat up the same mug of stale coffee for the eighth time but stop coming for me with your sarcastic dings

Counterpoint: some men aren’t lonely enough

Wasn’t even aimed this way, figured I would be a teacher or social worker but then they told me I couldn’t be a screenwriter because I was from the wrong place wrong class wrong sex and had the wrong take so then I was like ok ya doinks watch this

they should invent a nap that does your chores

We gotta regroup let’s temporarily ban all journalists with a ‘z’ in their name

Massive shoutout out to whoever handles the Royal Canadian Air Force’s social media account. They responded to every single comment on their already very solid Trans Day of Remembrance post and they responded like this…

Almost a year now since I received this absolutely classic burn from the Canadian government.

Angus: You know, every article I’ve read about the tourism numbers talks about “Canada’s uncertainty with the tariff wars.” No. Canadians hate Donald Trump. They see not going to the US as an act of patriotism.

I mean, look, I'm not a reporter, so who am I to talk? But on a day where the president both just called a woman reporter "Piggy" and is celebrating someone who had people bone saw apart one of my colleagues, I might just be a little ready to defend my colleagues and profession. But that's just me

Okay, I'm making my case for the only Muppet I want to see on Broadway right now...