Imagine if a woman president crashed the economy and started a war with no end in sight, and her biggest, seemingly ONLY concern was building a ballroom and redecorating the White House.

BREAKING: The Titanic musicians have backed out of Freedom 250.

Some good news on the medical front.. Pancreatic cancer halted by virus injection in three patients.. www.newscientist.com/article/2528...

it's fresh basil season get your life in order

I am officially daring Stephen 'So Manly' Miller to catch one (1) football without crying

Tomorrow: "Freedom would like to clarify she does not endorse the use of her brand in this festival of fascism and will not be attending nor present in any fashion."

My life coach yelling from the sideline for me to "just run out the clock"

Imagine being too fraudulent for … Milli Vanilli

🔥

☆ copy this to your profile and let your mutuals tell you their first impression of you ☆

America, the beautiful

who up montrealing their canadiens

If I ever get falsely imprisoned for killing a man in self-defense in a bar fight and they transport me on a prisoner plane and it gets hijacked by John Malkovich and we land on the Vegas strip and his head falls into a piledriver you can bet your ass I am gonna have a power ballad.

My controversial parenting flex is tweens need that rite of passage where they watch weird unsupervised movies with their cousins in the basements

Normalize constantly booing AI.

No money for pediatric cancer research but there's $1.7 billion for people who beat cops and smeared feces on the walls of the US Capitol.

Me and my friends getting left behind by AI

stop letting dorks tell YOU what your future will be

[at my second rodeo] listen up you ignorant sack of shit

Spotted on Tumblr…

Every time I read about England they’re trying a different Prime Minister, every two weeks some entirely new bloke, but they also always keep the same royal turnip with all the castles/ sex pest brothers

On top of everything else people are giving their babies pet names and naming their pets after grandpas. Like in twenty years hello yes this is my lawyer Mykayleigh Fauna, nice to see you Dr. Maverick Huckleberry

the tech world has genuinely not grappled with how many people despise them and what they make

This hit me so hard this week.

Not to victim blame but this balloon does feel like it's asking for trouble

are people booking cruises to make out with mice. when did Disney pivot

good news, hantavirus is trending 2025: rat boy summer 2026: rat borne summer

I too am sick of Big Drawer telling me how to do my job

you misheard me I clearly said "104 Blooper Holes"

important to point out the creator and showrunner of this is the babadook from the "adults drinking wine vibe" meme

casually checking in on the Bezos bought Met Gala

May the fourth be with you but only if you're a normie who enjoyed Star Wars without turning a story about hope, rebellion, and space bears into a decades-long misogynist tantrum

🎵 My milkshake brings all the bugs to the yard I can reach it But the bugs are large

I love everything about Buffalo but mostly this 🇨🇦

There clearly needs to be a ballroom in every school in America.

Kid at the gym today with uber anxious Dad finally she swims across the pool, splutters a bit, he says the lesson is know your limits sometimes you just shouldn’t try things & I pray when she grows up she treats herself to another tattoo before she boards the ship to do more research in Antartica

I googled plantar fasciitis this morning and now my entire TikTok is like since your bones are dust here’s how to plan your Viking funeral

“Surely they’re not gonna insult me, here, at the Emily Sucks Shit conference”

Stevie Wonder isn't blind

The ‘sun’ is out in Toronto today but it’s an illusion, it’s still freezing, don’t be fooled by the false yellow god orb

If I saw that Hercule Poirot or Benoit Blanc or one of these dudes was a guest at a dinner party I was at, I would immediately excuse myself to use the bathroom and get tf outta that cursed house

"Pancreatic cancer mRNA vaccine shows lasting results in an early trial: Scientists caution that more research is needed, but nearly all of the patients who responded to the personalized vaccine are still alive six years later."

girl are you the Strait of Hormuz 'cause last week I didn’t know you exist but now I need in

girl are you the Strait of Hormuz, ’cause the passage status is unclear but I remain committed to entry

workshoping some strait of hormuz pick-ups you can use in church tomorrow, you're welcome

boy are you the Strait of Hormuz, ’cause one entry and my region destabilizes

girl are you the strait of hormuz cause you're a heavily coveted wet passage

girl are you the Strait of Hormuz ’cause the second you open I blow

If A.I. is so powerful and wise why has it been terrible at convincing its users, us, not to despise it. “I’m going to ruin your drinking water and take all your jobs so I can generate non-consensual deepfake porn quickly” what a masterful gambit you shitbot