I think Kimmel walked a magnificent tightrope tonight, with just the right amount of Fuck You, Make Me wafting through the circus tent.

Hi I'm posting this from heaven and it's gay as hell up here. Every angel softball game is the Halos vs. the J.Lo's

look man I'm so sorry everyone RSVP'd then flaked on your naked sky party

Guys, please come get your drunk uncle, the party was finished two hours ago

Canada celebrates The Rapture in October

once again, if tylenol caused autism, america would have a better rail system

BuTtTtTt WhY WoNt Y'aLl HaVe MoRe BaBiEs, We'Re StUmPeD

If you do get raptured tomorrow please tell JC I was just joshin'

If the rapture doesn't come with a nap I don't want it

If I'm reading the news right it sounds like Jimmy Kimmel discovered a cure for autism

The debate around what is or isn’t “cancel culture” really just obscures a simple truth that it’s BAD to be massively racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic and it’s GOOD to speak out against injustice. Some things are good and some things are bad and it’s okay to say which you think are which.

We deserve less humiliating villains

The rich white guys get to be the bad guys AND the good guys? Mary wept

I can't believe those cucks made *checks notes* Jimmy Kimmel the face of the revolution.

I love my career as a screenwriter and also hope Bob Iger is having a very pooping in his pantaloons

A mere 1 percent of the population is trans because they're every one magical, precious and rare -- like a unicorn, or a billionaire with a chin

Baby, they’re officially partying without us. 

Disney has suspended DEI hire Ratatouille from cooking, chef hats

reminder: Jimmy Kimmel is enough of a mensch that he devised a segment on which actors who are just short of having enough work to qualify for union healthcare come on his show and deliver a single line of dialogue deadline.com/2024/07/jimm...

What we at Meta love about this is it’s is much slower and infinitely more humiliating than simply … reading a fucking recipe

You can sit at a computer for 8 hours then ride like the wind at 5pm, float across the water & Toronto is functionally Barcelona, Sydney or Hong Kong. #BeachCities

Butch and Sundance walked so Brokeback could run

My my my…it seems the entirety of #WynonnaEarp — the series, the woman, the legend — has landed on @Tubi, where she belongs. Here’s to the #Earpers who made this happen, and will show them what’s up; and to all the new fans who get to join the fun/our posse of dipshits. 🤠

Luckily, a band famous for their restraint/hating mess

He worked hard all day. Finally got to sub shop. Lovingly chose both toppings and condiments. Then sacrificed it all cause Fuck Fascists. HE HAD TO FLEE ON AN EMPTY STOMACH

We’re not talking enough about how that guy sacrificed his entire sandwich…a sandwich he waited patiently for them to craft; a sandwich he intended to eat. 🫡

You know she still gets a ton of "lemme show you how to navigate the sea" mansharking

The time is nigh, we need WAY more white people hucking subs at cops

🎵Pink Polo Bub Here to support your choices Like hurling your sub Run pink boy run

sorry, i choose me

chatgpt, do you like big butts or can you lie

those damned outdoor pigs can't keep getting away with this

I can’t believe Melanie Scrofano is the new Joker

Make it hockey

And then I was like, Roald— make the peach GIANT. No one gives a shit about a normal ass peach

"Capitalism is temporary. Dykes are forever" Seen in NYC

Man stranded on desert island regrets bringing favourite album instead of flare gun

Well said!!

The Early bird gets the worm but Night owl gets the mouse margarita

It is still wild that Will Smith lost his mind, marched all the way up onstage, and slapped someone in front of literal millions 5 minutes before getting the thing he’d worked for and wanted more than anything his entire life. That is also gold medal award-winning god tier levels of Self Sabotage

Missing all my SDCC peeps this year but hoping those of you there are crushing it

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat with a fade

even the LITERAL rats in the race having to crime to make a living

they should invent an industry that isn't actively collapsing

Paramount paid the bribe but by god is Colbert ever gonna make them pay again and again and again 🙌🏼

everything is terrible, but a little girl at the library just called out, “what’s your favorite shape?!” to her friend instead of saying goodbye

I’m the most powerful man in the world, want football to get real racist again and more sugar in pop, why are you guys till talking about my many vacations on Pedophile Island