Sick and have been in such a bad flare up since last last week and !!!! I'm so upset !! I really overdid it and thought I would be okay ((

Being delusional! Today is a good day!

No new pics. Where are you at mentally? Sett is my baby and together we are miserable

B1nged two days in a row because my bf is not home ,,, I really should've just r3lapsed with SH instead 🙃🙃 it would've much better than this

Was talking with my mom yesterday about how it's hard being in the U.S. still especially as a queer poc and she like ,,, only focused on the fact I make gay art and was scared I was gonna get got because of that ? Like completely disregarding EVERYTHING else about me ????

Goodmorning chat ! I'm going to FORCE it to be a good day today !

Interview prepping a student for a study abroad scholarship I'm an alumni of and I just ! Want kids to have good opportunities ! It makes me happy to help and be someone people ask about stuff ,, can't believe I was in their spot alone and with No One celebrating my accomplishments 6 years ago ,,,

Actually a dumbass (overate, b1nged on gluten, haven't drank enough water) and now my tummy hurts so bad and I have a headache

Meal plan for when my bf is away visiting family: coffee, tea, and one king sized payday bar to nibble on throughout the day

Introduce yourself with what almost killed you: Hi, I'm severe d3pression, r4pe, SA, my ex, dysphoria, drvgs, being d3ported, and being a young alcoholic

Bf is giving me a day to be fully by myself because I told him how I've been struggle with little alone time since his work schedule has been so goofy (I used to have every Thursdays home alone) and I'm just so blessed that's he's so caring and understanding

NYE party at my friends house tonight and I will NOT overeat or drink too much !!! I will be normal !!! And regular !! And have a good time !!

I just feel so stupid for being upset in the first place and upset still a day after. I feel like a little kid crying because he didn't get the present he wanted. Idk I just few so stupid about this and I complained to my bf about it yesterday and I feel annoying bringing it up again

Also yesterday was my birthday and I'm still ? Feeling weird about it. My dad and one of my brothers through it was on the 26th so they told me happy birthday early. My friends didn't tell me happy birthday until talking with them for 2 hours ,,

I feel so disgusted with my current body, change is well overdue.

anything i gain over christmas i can lose again. anything i gain over christmas i can lose again. anything i gain over christmas i can lose again. anything i gain over christmas i can lose again. anything i gain over christmas i can lose again.

#caterpillarsky #lemonwatersky #edsky #edbsky #shedbsky

Bus came early, so I walked to another bus stop for a different bus also going to the station, that bus was late, missed my other bus and watched it leave the station while pulling in. I'm being SO CHILL

I wouldn't be where I am now as a person without my young young interest in high fashion tho. Runway, music, and comic books are really the bare bones of what makes me myself. Those are my through lines and I'm grateful for fashion, regardless of some,,, negative take away (3d)

That being said: I'm doing a lot better b1nge wise. I've not ordered b1nge foods since November and my b1nge/overeating days are no longer out numbering my restricted ones 💅🏽💅🏽

my eeedeee is my main hobby im not even good at it

Ate a whole personal pizza and 4 gingerbread cookies,, my body is so full rn it physically hurts why tf did I do this why can't I fucking control myself

It's not officially diagnosed but reading/researching for years and having disordered habits for as long as I can remember,, I fit the criteria all except physically being underweight at the moment

i will succeed because i am literally insane

Bought myself fancy new planners for the upcoming year and for goin back to school ☺️

I was "in recovery" while studying abroad and I gained 20lbs of pure fat ,,, shit fucked me up but my host moms food was almost worth it lol

Down to 126 from the end of November,, slow progress is progress ! I'm so chill about it !!

Bf pre-ordered me cat plushies of some YouTub3r's cats (R4chel & Jun) that I've been watching for years ☺️☺️ I can't wait for them to be here in a few months!!

Have been having an incredibly hard time living in Am3rica still and I want to pack up and leave every single day. I've talked to my bf about it so much, I feel so annoying and selfish for wanting to leave so desperately, I just truly never through I would come back and live in the US like I am

Having bfs mom buy me a SAD therapy light because I get absolutely FUCKED in the winter months as a certified lizard boy (I could sit in 100 degree weather directly under the sun for hours)

things will get better things will get better things will get better things will get better

Almost caught up at work, meaning I'm finished with Novembers work and now still need to get current with December 🙃🙃 I'm Trying so fucking hard

Didn't order b1nge food just because I'm alone today 💅🏽 stay winning 💅🏽

Eye bruises from my anchors are turning pretty colors 🥰 Eye reveal oops

Feel so Gross nasty disgusting today, I can feel all of the fat on my body and it's making me want to [redacted horrific action of self mutilation]

Always got comments from random strangers and family I don't really know about "when will you loose your baby fat?", "oh he's just big boned", "you are so much bigger than your sister!"

Workout related: I also stretch for 30 minutes after my AM workout, and then stretch for 30 minutes before bed (literally only way for my body to not be stiff/muscle spasm and have nerve pain all day). Also walk as much as I can. This is my ~ideal~ plan I'm trying to follow more strictly

Spent $120 on two piercings, jewelry, aftercare, and big tip for piercing friend who's learning and their mentor,, I feel so good and Okay about spending money on myself because I deserve to do things for myself that make me happy and comfortable !!

I hate that everyone can always see me 😭🕳️😭