i need to romanticize my life more

#ed #edsky #caterpillarsky #anorexia #bulimia #eatingdisorder »»—————⍟—————««

i must eat as little as possible while still being functional. i gotta be at my goal weight by my top surgery day next year. i refuse to wake up in that hospital bed hating my weight

i stay up late so many nights because i feel like I'm burning. i have so much energy and so many things to plan but im stubborn so, after i work i just come home and stay up as long as possible. i know its not healthy. i really should sleep more but these hours are so peaceful and dear to me..

y'know when you finally hit that free fall state of getting worse? thats bliss. barely any food noise which is nice bc that used to be constant. my stomach's empty and all i want to do is lay in bed or tend to my hobbies.

im starting at 24hr fast and tbh im excited for it. my appetite is already at a low + i already had a salad n a green monster today so i don't think I'll fuck this one up and end it early

cracking ur ankles feels soooo good mmfmgmgmgm i love the feeling of cartilage popping into place

Tummy wants sandwich (which would easily be 500 cals) but brain knows wrap is a better idea. More protein too

ever since I gained a ton of weight years ago it's been a battle every time I look in the mirror. i used to love it but now all I see is fat where i used to be skinny and it eats away at me every single day. i think the last time i liked my weight was around 2018-2019

ate too much. my stomach is talking to me

bro literally nobody is responding to me and all i want is to hang out with my friends im so lonely i want to cry

cofee

"End the Capitalist Death Machine Before it Ends You!" Sticker seen in Vancouver, Canada

lmao so thankful I didn't give into the urge to eat when i was nauseous a little while ago,, because now i feel alright and i work in a few hrs so I'll just eat there and call it 2 meal day

im feeling lighter but these fucking fat rolls need to be GONEEEE

chat im being ballsy today, we had all you can eat pizza yesterday and i feel disgusting as a result. soo,, I've been fasting for 8ish hrs, my plan is to survive off liquid cals for another 12hrs, 7 of those will be while im working so this should be enough to make up for last nightt

I've been procrastinating this for a while but I'm completely strapped for cash, I've just barely got enough for food and whatever small expenses i need to pay for daily after all the med bills im currently paying off. i hate having to ask for help but i genuinely feel like i need to.

can't wait to hit my GW and start making cute lil videos bc i know im funny n have the potential to be cute i just gotta lose weight so i don't have to fucking doubt myself

ok so kareoke got cancelled tonight bc their AC isn't working and they gotta close for repairs BUT it'll be done by tomorrow night so i still have a glow party to go to!! i was really bummed out earlier but now i feel a lot better and my wifey's even taking me out so we can at least do something

"I literally told you yesterday, don't you remember?" Me:

Republicans in Congress have voted to devastate millions of people across our nation — kicking Americans off their health care, shuttering hospitals, eliminating food assistance, and raising costs. This is Project 2025 in action.

constant food noise got me feeling like this

almost time to get mi eddiez hehehe

so i have an 8hr shift tomorrow and as a treat im getting there a bit early and buying more edibles

being 22 with no car is actually hell

ok i finally feel safe enough to weigh myself,, see y'all tomorrow morning w my resultsss nigh nigh

ok PSA this is the best Alan1 flavor I've had so far bc i have a major sweet tooth and its hella low cal. my other favs are cherry slush, pink slush, cherry twist and the orange dream one

so tempted to make an online archive of my thinspo collection,, if i did that on my edtumblr would anyone follow it? ive got over 4,000 pics woops

im gonna admit it bc ive contemplated this long enough, im a combo stonerexic+drunkorexic+junkorexic and honestly it's fucking fun oops

ive got 2 nights out back-to-back planned for next week so WE'RE LOCKING IN HARDCORE BAYBEEE

this is exactly why im a proud Fall/Winter/Very Early Spring lover. summer is the devil, there, i said ittt

a other dose of hydroxycut down the hatch and im doing a 23hr fast rn!!! truth be told i haven't weighed in yet bc im still scared and feel horribly bloated so im weighing in on Friday. I would do it tomorrow but i really wanna give myself time to lock in a bit more before i check my progress again

about to go out and mow the lawn!! gonna have outside time AND a workout hell yea

had my first meal and tbh im done with food for the day. just drinks and especially water until tomorrowww

im weighing myself in the morning.. im nervous but I'll feel worse if I don't know

CLARIFICATION : The Trevor Project's hotline will still be live. But basically this means LGBTQ people can no longer be connected to it through the US national 988 suicide prevention hotline. They will need to be contacted DIRECTLY So spread this around They can be texted. They can be called.

i think i might be one of those people who never recover, at this point im resigned to it bc i literally don't know what I'd do without this disorder. I've been like this since childhood

successfully called out of work and got my sick time for the day!! i actually would have gone insane if i had to work today so im feeling very greatful

im calling out of work tomorrow. i need the extra day off..

genuinely about to lose my mind, my screws and all my fucking marbles

being FtM and having an ED is fucking horrible. my breasts (that I should not have) just feel like 2 more fat rolls on an already fat body

charli was right -never go home (moved away in 2020) -dont sleep (lowk hate sleeping ugh) -dont eat (that's the goal bby) -do it on repeat

buying more edibles tomorrow bc literally why tf not

haunts me in my dreams WHY AM I NOT ALREADY LIKE THIS????

can someone please scream this at me whenever I want to eat

Self-destructive problems required self-destructive solutions

i wanna buy more edibless

i miss taking time to do what I enjoy; i miss my witchcraft practice, my drawings, watercoloring, making lists just for fun, journaling to free up space in my head... i miss all of it. i want to get back into doing what I love, because i really feel like I've been neglecting that part of myself,,