I worked with my alt queen today, and we're already talkin about making plans for a smoke sesh. We just vibe SO WELL and have so fucking much in common?? Also we both have never known anyone irl with BPD, so maybe that has to do with it too 💀💀

We also have claw machines in the mall now and I am OBBSESSED. The prizes suck, but still

This is what happens when Im bored and scroll websites. I order 300 bucks of weed. Oops

Only 50 more mins till my shift starts, the mall is so weirdly quiet before it opens

my ugw is to not wanna k1lI nnyseIf anymore

The espresso machine was broken, so I got my timmies protein stuff in a normal coffee and I lowkey like it better 🤣🤣

Oops. I went off at H.

At least with the bashing, there's no risk of infection/open wounds like cutting.

Ive got bruises alllll up one side of my arm where I was bashing it thw other day (and a lil today I'll admit), and there's one that I must've REALLY got bc it's a nice egg now whoops

Not the sweet kid who is eager to work himself to hell, even finally changing his availability and saying "Im giving him one chance, if he ignores it, I'm out" YES. YOU TELL HIM KID.

Workout was cut short bc dad scared the FUCK outta me (I take my glasses off so Im high, blind/vulnerable af and locked INTO what Im watching, close emough to see ofc, while working out) 💀💀 he just wanted to being me happy meal grinch socks at 11:30 pm

A coworker just had her baby and I'm so so happy for her, but man it makes me a lil sad bc I'm seeing everyone move on in life, ans I just feel.... stuck Also I'm sad knowing I'll never BE that. I would love a child. But I know I'm not right for it.

Just realized paypal never actually refunded me for 2 of the things, so now Im on hold for chat support bc 60 bucks is just... missing

I've got a spot I rubbed raw on the back of one ankle (breaking in new boots plus lots of work and walking in them) and I changed the bandaid and ooooo boy she's still raw a few days later

Fuck it having a whole can of prime rib soup stew thing and saltin and pepperin the fuck out of it

Im cravin smth salty

Nah. Ima go to bed soon. Take a few more bong hits, change, then hide under the blanket and watch youtube vids for a bit maybe doomscroll the tikky tok

Maybe I'll stay up a bit later and workout again in a bit? Small snack?

I'll do better tmmr. Only half hour tonight, Im off tmmr and Im gonna TRY for 2 hours

Maybe I just need someone to beat the fuck out me. Give me what I actually deserve.

If I plan it properly, with my tattoos I could hide some bad bruising

Mom wanted to road trip tmmr. I def can't do it. I just can't. My ankle hurts first off, second I'm NOT in the headspace for that. Nor can I really GO shopping much. I just want my ONE day off to be relaxing

I already see some bruising where I went at my arm on the vending machine on break

3 of 4 gone from the friends list bc she didnt wanna give me my full breaks 😊 fuck yall

I spent my lunch crying, and Ill spend the break crying too

I'll be coming back from my first 15, with only an hour left of my shift. I dont think Im getting a second. I dont care anymore.

Told A I WANT my 15s then. And Im getting them. Or Im pitching a fit.

Guess who's suddenly on cash all day

I told them point blank if yall wanna make me on cash ALL shift, I WANT my 15 minute breaks. I skip em otherwise bc I can sit for a min if elsewhere, but ya can't on cash. Now A is "I GUESS I'm on cash this afternoon" Good. Cause I was gonna walk out if y'all tried to no break me

Ive spent the last 30 minutes bashing my arms against the cash/poles so I don't cry

Already snipped back at one. Old dude didn't wanna dign up for sales. "I'll shop elsewhere." Okay fine. Takes the items, and puts them on the random end of an aisle. I walked over, picked them up right in front of him (as he was walking past me) and told him "you COULD have just handed them to me"

Im gonna fight a customer if they keep me on cash

I just cant fucking wait to have everything paid off

The bad thoughts are there again

One of our ex employees came in and it came up that she unfriended and blocked everyone but ME. So A starts talkin to J loudly abt how everyone does that when they leave for some reason.

I jus need to set myself a limit tmmr when we go out of town on a shoppin trop

Its been a tiring week but my paychecks were over 700 total, so its worth it 😮‍💨😮‍💨

I think the 112 to this may have been partly the birth control leaving my system finally

I of course, ordered everything for my mom for christmas (on behalf of my dad ofc) and he paid me an extra 20 in advance to wrap it 🤣🤣

I realized tonight that 90% of the time, my parents don't ask if I want anything when they get fast food/take out, and it's been like this for months. They know I'm in a "health kick". Mom even has joked about my "diet" sometimes 💀💀 I don't mention my weight exactly bc THEN they'd realize

Ima skip workout tonight. I went hard yesterday, and thats prob why I slept so late and missed my med alarm. 2 and a half hours was a LOT on a day I worked, it took me OUT.

My manager is letting me task out back thank fuck bc I forgot to take my meds and Im so fuzzy and dizzy and just fucked

I've been sitting down for a few minutes and now I fear if I shower I may fall asleep in there

Its 12:30ish, Ima shower, then settle down to watch somw creepy shit (and hit the dab pen). Inside, bc my dab pen isn't noticable enough for them to know what it is other than to think its one of my room sprays 🤣🤣

I will say, cycling after eggs? REALLY gets things moving 🫠🥲

I SWEAR. I ONLY MEANT TO DO ANOTHER 30 MINS. IM LOSING TRACK OF TIME SO BADLY LATELY. Tuesdays total workout: 2 and a half hours plus all the stock I did 💀💀

There was a LOOOT of box moving and ladder climbing today too for 5 hours straight

I normally do 30 mins, pause my wprkout for a pee break/smokey break, but I just zoned back in and am at 77 minutes, sooooo, gyess I keep going?

Had to take out another app loan 🫠🫠 I refuse to ask my parents for anymore help, I can't keep being a burden. At least this time it's only 100 I took out (hopefully that'll hold over any payments that come out/get my coffee till Friday)

Tmmr Im supposed to start at 4:30, which would mean going in at 8 am and being there allll day. BUT if I had an extra half hour, dad can run home and get me. I didn't even fully get my sentence out, when (second job ofc) manager was like "omg no problem, start at 5, thats totally okay!" BLESS