i love my gay little friends

cracking ur ankles feels soooo good mmfmgmgmgm i love the feeling of cartilage popping into place

bye not everyone in my classes slowly figuring out one of their other professors is my mom 😭😭 i'm proud to be her daughter & say so frequently, but it's SO FUNNY bc one of my classmates just told me "yea i figured out she was ur mom last week, she talks abt u a lot. like, a LOT." girl BYEEE

i need to get a job but there are only 2 places in this hellhole that i could realistically handle. 1 is going out of business & the other is struggling so bad they had to make a gofundme. there's nothing for me here. idk what to do. i'm so sick of needing my parents' money. i feel so guilty.

whiskey makes my stomach soooo evil the next day omfg this sucks

feeling joy & love & happiness like last night reminds me why i keep going. smoking w old friends & catching up, seeing a drag show together, grabbing drinks, & just hanging out? i never dreamed life could be so lovely

shitting bricks omfg this girl i have a crush on is gonna be at the dance tmr. whyyy did i eat sm this week 😭 i rly just wanna be her friend, the crush is NOT important. attraction is easily discarded. i'm much more drawn to her politics & intellect. she's SO pretty tho (& SO out of my league) 🥀🥀

boooo i ate. just some pumpkin seeds & a protein bar but like. UGH. i hate myself. was supposed to fast this whole week & screwed it up so bad. whatever. i'll look fine tmr at the rave. the focus will be on the drag show anyways. just sucks knowing i could've looked better if i'd been stronger.

i feel like i'm falling apart again which def means that shit needs to get upped. setting a reminder to call my psych first thing tmr. i gotta stop this spiral right fucking now. i have way too much shit to do & i'm beyond sick of getting in my own way. STOP BEING DEPRESSED. ugh.

time to call my psychiatrist again. prozac probs needs a dose increase. had another breakdown. The Guilt inevitably consumes me. i feel like i don't deserve to live. i've hurt sm ppl by hurting myself. i hate myself for it, & GETTING better is the only way to MAKE it better. what a nightmare.

totally just bombed another spanish quiz but this time it was bc i missed class 2 days in a row & slept all day yesterday due to being sick

tonight was so beautiful. these are completely unedited.

being the weird kid in a small town = 0 friends til adulthood, which wires ur brain strangely. i have close friends long-distance, but returned to my hometown & made friends locally too & it's BIZARRE. i'm... known. ppl LIKE ME. i have a real community now. HERE. it blows my mind, every single day.

im currently -$100 in my account. im looking to get a 2nd job but its so hard to find one i am about to get my water and phones shut off if i dont come up with something soon my cashapp and venmo are: srene35 if you can spare even $5 for gas this week id appreciate it. www.paypal.me/sierrarene3

woke up w horrible shoulder pain yesterday, then tweaked my back somehow. everything from my left shoulder down to my hip is in constant pain. the muscles are so crunchy it feels like gravel under my skin. idk what to do

i can make anything & everything political, something my class learned today with a great deal of laughter. i made excellent points but it WAS rather unserious. i love that class. i love being educated

i hope something lesbian happens to me soon

goddess bless my body for keeping my chest small. i still want the full chop one day but for now, the dysphoria is bearable. just scared for my mid-20's cause i hear that's when everything... grows. i'll кiII муsеIf 😃😃😃

i love my friends so much :((((

nausea daily ughhh probably from chasing my concerta w an energy drink on an empty stomach. too bad imma keep doing it 🫢

boooo i ate to maintenance today. on the bright side, eating to maintenance has become my new binging. these "bad days" are much better than they used to be. still, i'll be fasting til monday to compensate as long as i can get away with it.

evil thought cycles again & my comfort video isn't drowning it out like normal. it's so stupid bc i'm lying here cringing at myself for objectively lovely interactions where i complimented/expressed support for ppl & they responded very positively & i still somehow feel like a loser & hate myself??

my life has improved in ways i never dreamed possible in the 5 months since dumping my abusive ex. i'm close to successfully finishing my first semester of uni. i'm involved in local politics, i'm on a first name basis w multiple state-level candidates. i'm "known" & it feels... good. i feel good.

smth i did not expect from prozac was for it to totally get rid of my sugar addiction. i don't crave sweets anymore, or anything really, but sweet foods i can't even stomach sometimes. i prefer salty & savory foods now, a big change for me. not complaining, it's a rly good thing, just unexpected??

i'm so unbelievably tired, i'm so close to just falling asleep on this bench. gotta get home. i'll go to bed when i get home. god, i'm so tired

at walmart waiting for my oil change & they're playing 2000's/early 2010's pop... that's a BAD sign. nostalgia + recession pop is a diabolical combo

throat is extremely dry & irritated, headache won't go away, wish i wasn't such a hypochondriac. i'm freaking out convinced i'm dying every other day bc of stupid bullshit like this

read a poem of mine at a slam tonight, it was... really fun. i think i'll go to the next one :))

i think i just made friends w the girl from my spanish class who i thought hated me?? we exchanged numbers & we're gonna study together????

hm. i think it might be time to increase my prozac again. having Urges again for the first time in almost a month. also drew these vent scribbles tonight. good outlet but bad sign, don't like feeling like this again. could be worse but i gotta call my psychiatrist tmr before i do smth stupid.

i love The Moon so much. She is everything to me. i wouldn't choose to exist on any other planet. look at Her. perfection. i hope that when my clock runs out, my wishes are kept. i won't be embalmed. this body is meant to feed The Earth & while this soul returns to The Moon's tranquil embrace

boooo hungry & stomach is growling loud as hell. SHUT UP. ur getting an energy drink when we get home & ur gonna like it. having a body SUCKS.

apocalyptic ass picture i took of the america + trump flags displayed at the edge of a farmer's field by the highway near my town. i think the nuclear wasteland vibes are quite appropriate.

i feel like i'm gonna throw up

being in uni in this specific era is lowkey making me lose hope for the future. everyone just... uses chatgpt. it's so casual. not a second thought. i feel genuinely sick about it. i hate them all. don't they know their degree won't even matter bc the world's gonna burn thanks to rampant genAI????

COSTAR WHAT THE FUCK this read is diabolical actually, clocking me like this at 8am HELP 😭😭

i have a spanish exam in half an hour & i slept horribly & i feel like death. i really hope i don't fail. i finally got up to an 85% in the class, i need to keep it there or bring it even higher if i wanna get the backlog credits for testing into a higher level class :((

i feel like i'm the most obnoxious person on earth & the worst part is i think it's that very insecurity that MAKES ME ANNOYING. i apologize for EVERYTHING, all the time, & it's (according to others) the only "annoying" trait i have. idk how to stop tho, i don't wanna overcorrect & become a dick :((

i feel really really bad. this sucks. i feel anxious & sad & tired & nauseous. it's probably just stress. there's a lot going on rn & i just had a rly wild weekend, i'm sure i'll feel fine in a few days. gotta recover a little more, that's all. oh god, i really hope that's all.

shaky & nauseous ughh i hate how consistently restricting starts having actual side effects after a few weeks 🙄🙄

criticizing capitalism every time i'm given the chance to speak in class >>>

mfs in this town stare so hard it's crazy like damn u never seen a goth girl bump monaleo before??

feeling overwhelmed again. damn it.

wait shit it's november, that means no-eat november, that means i gotta do an 11-day fast at some point bc it's the 11th month. fuck ok i rly gotta rework this month's diet plan, i forgot all abt no-eat november 🤕

ate over my limit today. idek why i try anymore. still over 500 below maintenance but i gotta pick a new diet. there's only 27 days left in november. i had it perfectly calculated for 28 days & as usual, i ruined it. no wonder i've had my ed for 8 years but still haven't hit my ugw 🙄

i wanna kiss a pretty girl so bad i'm gonna explode oh my godddd why are men so easy & women so DIFFICULT TO FIND i hate being a sapphic goth creature in the rural midwest!!!! i miss my friends & living in a big city :(((

so exhausted. dragged myself out of bed & went to class this morning only to find out class was cancelled. too tired to study. i wanna nap but i can't fuck up my sleep hygiene like that. since the exam got pushed back a day, ig that means i can at least use today to recover from the weekend

ugh i need to open that guy's snaps so i can tell him he's acting like my ex & i'm not into it but i honestly don't wanna deal w it. sigh. men are so fucking useless. they always get clingy & attached & it's like the less interest i show, the more they want. fuck my life from the back.