Had a dream I ate a shoe. 😘

Went and had an Excellent Time with loads of friends I’d not seen ALL YEAR (good joke) while @fightmilkband.bsky.social headlined the Lexington, because that’s what they do now. #HappyNewYear

Wrote a big angry

It was Christmas Eve, babe In the Gunge tank

It is time.

We Only Kiss At Christmas 💋 😪 Now with actual artwork by @lauramipsum.bsky.social CAN YOU IMAGINE if I'd lined these two things up to go out on time fightmilkisaband.bandcamp.com/track/we-onl...

🚨NEW SONG!🚨 We Only Kiss At Christmas, just in time for the holiday rush 👀 FFO very very sad festive bangers! fightmilkisaband.bandcamp.com/track/we-onl...

This deserved better

Remember this is all your fault. Love, the government x

Reader beware, you're in for some preeeetty big new bangers. 26/9: Hope and Ruin, Brighton 27/9: Cavendish Arms, London 2/10: Rock and Roll Brewhouse, Birmingham 3/10: Cumberland Arms, Newcastle 4/10: Mash House, Edinburgh 5/10: Wharf Chambers, Leeds 10/10: Ivy House, London LINKTR.EE/FIGHTMILK

Yeah but only if it’s your turn with it

Ask not for whom the weevil bolls. He bolls for thee.

Watching videos of police dragging away grannies for holding an anti genocide bit of card, thinking about the time the Met buried reports that one of their officers was a predator, then after he used police ID to kidnap, rape & murder a woman, they then arrested women for holding a vigil for her.

Good evening to the guy in my gym with an ankle tag, beating seven shades of shit out of a punchbag. You had the smallest feet I've ever seen on a man.

Today a small child asked me if I was a witch.

Now the undertaker can do his job for fucking once.

I bet Chappell Roan never has to skirt round a big pile of sick in her local post office.

There are precisely three good things about England and they are 1. Ghosthunting with Girls Aloud 2. Danny Dyer 3. My cat lives here

NO IT FUCKING ISNT ALL THE CREATIVES ARE FUCKING **BROKE**

Take 60 seconds to write to Ofcom. @goodlawproject.bsky.social have done all the hard work for you!

FYI A lovely top notch cleaned up version of The Wicker Man complete with establishing mainland scenes is on iPlayer now for the next month. www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/epis...

Nick's out so I recorded three miserable traditional folk songs! Here are my versions of Hares On The Mountain, Down in the Willow Garden, and I Am Stretched On Your Grave. "Enjoy": captainhandsome.bandcamp.com/album/three-...

I will not use AI while there is a hole in my arse :)

Hi! A horror film festival called Lollapazuzu. Thanks guys see you in a few months x

How the hell do bands promote shows now? The last two weekends in a row I've traipsed around London putting posters up, spent hours on my phone making ~content~ for platforms that don't show it, stopping just short of bribing people to come. It's not audience's fault, it's just driving me nuts

Every time I look at this stupid site I'm immediately met an absolutely revolting feed full of the worst kinds of imagination bin juice about Mario getting railed or somesuch and it's entirely thanks to @beardynoise.bsky.social

Thinking of the cashier in Superdrug who just said "well, I'm alive" when I asked how he was

You're not buying records because of streaming, you're not buying merch because of tariffs and brexit, you're not seeing their desperate social posts because of the algorithm. Just buy a wee ticket, mate! Guaranteed everybody in the room that night is making more than the band.

When I left you, I was but the Lorna

WAITER: welcome in, have you dined with us before? ME: ₙₒₕ ₚₗₑₐₛₑ ₜₑₐ𝒸ₕ ᵤₛ

"Come the fuck on, Bridget."

It's always "who's your daddy", never "how's your daddy"

Can't wait to go and finally enjoy the women's rights that were [checks notes] never in any way undermined by the existence of trans people but are continually threatened by old men in power. What?

Gender is BINARY and BIOLOGICAL and that's why we need to use the STATE to enforce this with VIOLENCE and my KIDS are still refusing to call and my WIFE left me and

I am absolutely fucking howling at this line

I've got a very niche joke about giants. No-one gets it.

Bye binch!!!!

One of my worst traits is that instead of using the calculator on my phone to work out a maths problem, I will literally type "what is... " into google

On hatred.

Has Amanda Palmer ever publicly apologised for all the millennial eyebrows that got shaved off thanks to her

☀️SUMMER GIG ANNOUNCEMENT☀️ We're excited to share that we're playing the legendary Matchstick Piehouse on 7 June! 🥧We'll be joined by euphoric glitchpop honeys Dream Phone 📞📞 🥧And catchy queer indie emo pop cuties @sunnysidedown.band 🍳🍳 £10 adv, £12 on the door! wegottickets.com/event/655674

Rewatching The Last Of Us ahead of season 2 and the first song you hear is an Avril Lavigne album track. What a show

Behold the sheer majesty of my ma, shortly before she booked Mugatu's Derelicte campaign

Country House by Blur 🌝

Just seen Andrew Garfield described as a dilf. All these expensive schools and endless internet access, for what.

I live very near the Brit School and I gotta say it's the ones in the cat ears taking all the good co-op meal deals

Incredible start to the day

A big useful Google doc of ways to resist and take action against Labour's cuts to disability support: docs.google.com/document/d/1...