Andy Burnham is like Owen Hargreaves used to be for the England football team. Everyone’s like “if Owen Hargreaves was fit and in the 11 we’d win stuff” and you’d be like yeah but in the days when he was, we were still shit

“We can finally do Saucy Jack. People should envy us. I envy us.”

For Star Wars day, give us your top 10 sci-fi films Starman Aliens The Prestige The Running Man The Thing Dead Ringers Twin Peaks The Return Flow Time Bandits Idiocracy

The apotheosis of this in my line of work was when Sarah Silverman played the Apollo, all the journos on freebies gave it 3-4 stars and the actual punters nearly rioted

Yes I have a question

Maybe they asked the AI if 0.02 was a small number.

I mean, I don’t work for Sainsbury’s or have access to their data, but when I hear 0.02% of everyone who crosses their threshold in a week, I don’t think “oh, that’s a trivially small number.”

You Never Give Me Your Money - Beatles Simply Thrilled Honey - Orange Juice Nite Flights - Scott Walker Glittering Prize - Simple Minds Party Fears Two - The Associates The Narcissist - Blur Wild Is The Wind - Bowie Oh Yeah - Roxy Music Accidents - Peter Hammill The Invisible Man - Elvis Costello

Andy Burnham’s older than you think

Then you read a review and everyone’s all “of all these movies this one really had something profound to say”

Fully aware I’m a snob but I must have seen 4 or 5 of those superhero films over the years and and they always have at some point someone saying “you’ve got to be kidding me” then someone turns up you haven’t heard of but it’s treated like it’s important and then some things get smashed up a bit

You don’t need a British library locker if you’re just going to sit in the atrium guys. Ridiculous. (Photo of victor meldrew scowling)

They’ve got a point

Loads of TNG could qualify for this but they’re generally still enjoyable, other than Code of Honor

Yeah that’s not going to work. You are still going to need jizz.

Violets are blue, roses are red

Botanist, schoolteacher, naval engineer, wren. Feels very bipartisan

Jesus h Christ would you ever look at these sad wankers

People say AI is really good but whenever I ask it to “create an image of Robert jenrick going about his daily routine” it gives me a picture of him rimming a goat, why is this

They released this like this Why would anyone ever drive a car by people who do not Look At MEASUREMENTS

Rain don’t stop Camborne Wednesdays

Williams designing their air intake to look like a Duracell battery comes from exactly the same thought process that leads a toddler to put a bean up its nose because it looks like it’s the right shape to do so.

Latest download of drivel from the satirical samurais

JFC the idea that some people live in a space where that guy did a good job

In these benighted times, treat yourself to the gift of satire as we expressively dump on events at Davos, the latest in Westminster and hedgehogs. Plus! No Jack Dee

Chuck berry always wins these

I almost always think I cone out of these things sounding like an arsehole, but I think this one is ok! High self praise indeed

7yo watching the highway rat: “this is what it was like in the old days” wife: “what when rats rode around in costumes? When do you think that happened?” 7yo (with confidence): 1989

Harsh burn on Keir’s “trying to swallow a whole meatball” speaking voice

I mean I was there - and it wasn’t like there were an exceptional number of changes for live telly.

This crack cocaine advent calendar has been both expensive and a real time sink

If you see this, post a comic cover you love

Always fancied reading Henry James, but never found a really good translation

If you can’t spot the error, it’s McCclaren.

I guess the new observer isn’t into F1.

This weeks show features the words broccoli, pre-muttonite and cum, as well as a detailed voicemail apology from Richard Osman

Brown trout

Hear the line from the Reith lectures you won’t hear on the BBC. Plus Lucy Porter explaining why she’s not appearing on the show, and a cake iced with the words “Donald Trump is a f**king a***hole”. All in this week’s The Moment for this week, out this week (today)

Still not clear to me how the gap between where we are now and AGI is different than the gap between building something that looks like a body and making it come to life.

In a(nother) depressing week of news, this latest podcast contains the words “kerosene”, “catheter” and “whole roast turtle”, plus a v unconvincing apology from Frankie Boyle

So I went to a minor public school not unlike Farage’s in the early 90s. And there was a Nazi guy in the sixth form. Who was just the “school Nazi”. Brushed his hair like Hitler. Eventually got expelled for racially abusing a kid in the year above me. We just thought it was one of those things.

This new asylum policy from labour is vile and betrays labour values. It ignores the reality of refugee peoples’ lives, aspirations, families… it betrays our obligations to help the most vulnerable and IT WILL NOT DETER SMALL BOATS. It’s a grim day.

“It’s been declined, do you have any other method of payment?”

Does give the children a good grasp of the concept of “roll on roll off”. For much more like that, check The Moment With Miles Jupp podcast in all the usual and unusual places this morning

I swear the Mandela effect used to be called the Mandala effect

What a useful technology.

Currently listening to Donovan’s A Gift From A Flower To A Garden which is a) excellent and b) a very @eddierobson.bsky.social type album I think

This headline basically describes all of popular entertainment now

Grateful for all the enthusiasm for my defence of Lisa Nandy’s arts policy. Don’t buy me a coffee, do please consider trying our thing podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/t...