Good or bad, rich or poor, handsome or ugly, they are all equal now, Charlie Brown

big bugs bunny getting elmer fudd to marry him vibes in the white house currently i see

DEMOCRATIC PARTY LEADERSHIP: We solemnly condemn the evils of the socialist ideol- DONALD TRUMP BURSTING THROUGH THE WALL LIKE THE KOOL AID MAN: people are saying we're doing it from each according to his ability and it's gonna to go to each according to his needs like nobody's ever seen before

I know we all hate this, but it's smart politics. now that Democratic Party leaders have voted to condemn socialism, Republicans will have no choice but to finally stop labelling every Democratic Party policy as socialism or communism. trust the plan, patriots in control

My therapist: KTMA Cambot isn't real, he can't hurt you. KTMA Cambot:

Marjorie Taylor Greene believes we'll be having elections in 2026 and 2028 and she's acting accordingly

"I want to be president have them play pro wrestler music before I go out to give a speech at a special McDonalds conference" good idea little guy, you're 12

"we're a big tent party which means we need to let bad faith lunatics who have repeatedly tried to set the tent on fire into the tent"

i’d be more comfortable with the olivia nuzzi coverage if every story was headlined something like “seduced by a guy who eats roadkill: the story of an extremely stupid lady”

@schiff.senate.gov impeccable work sir! as one of your constituents in this D+20 state I have only one request: could you send me MORE fundraising texts and emails?

to the Joker, these are regular snacks with mentaiko mayonnaise flavor

jeff epstein was such a brilliant and towering intellectual figure that friends recommended he read "My Antonia", which was assigned reading in my 7th grade English class

always love to see a New York Times reporter trying to defend the New York Times here on Bluesky, the microblogging platform dedicated to hating the New York Times. keep going queen, I'm sure your next skeet is going to be the one that makes us see the light

emailing in a semi-literate manner isn’t a sign of stupidity, it’s another form of rich asshole arrogance because you don’t think you owe anyone coherent thoughts

I love that the titans of culture, academia, and politics who hung out with Jeffrey Epstein talk about him like he was this wildly charismatic figure whose charms they were powerless to resist. and then you look at his emails and they're all just, "by the way..... did u kno.... i am pedofile ;-)"

In a significantly weirder case, "Sleeping Lady with Black Vase" is a 1928 oil painting by Róbert Berény. It was lost in WWII, and considered looted by the Nazis and likely destroyed afterwards in the chaos... until someone recognized it as set dressing in the movie "Stuart Little." Yes, really.

I've noticed the opposing team's fans only cheer when the opponents score on us. To win those fans over, I recommend we score on ourselves repeatedly; that will surely make them so happy they'll start supporting us. And I'm sure all our fans will keep cheering for us—who else is there to cheer for?

every single week they're throwing this guy a special oval office love-in that appears to be the presidential equivalent of letting your dog scarf an entire big mac and fries before that last trip to the vet

as a boy I first learned about "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" when my uncle played me a recording of a Boston-area radio DJ singing a parody called "The Rectum of Edmund Fitzgerald." in my mind it will always be a song about butts, and there's nothing you or anyone can do to change that

durbin should get primaried even after he retires. if he's trying to sit down at a restaurant somebody should take his seat

Republicans' winning pitch to Democratic senators was "we'll make it slightly harder for our supporters to murder you"

loving this cycle where every major news story about AI is either "here's another case where AI blatantly encouraged someone to commit suicide" or "the AI companies say AI will change the world and they need $100 trillion dollars, we asked no followup questions"

this is the way

over the next 6 months Mark Zuckerberg is going to stop pretending to like MMA and red meat. in June 2026 he's going to do a land acknowledgement before announcing that the Metaverse is getting rainbow legs to celebrate Pride

sure sex is great but have you tried watching Zohran Mamdani's victory speech exactly two minutes after learning on Wikipedia that he's an only child

when republicans win: we will crush the democrats, they are the enemy within, leftists and dei and trans people will be mandated out of existence when republicans lose: don't forget to be a leader for everyone, don't dare do anything significant against us because we'll be back i sense a pattern.

2026 Primary Woke Wave

checking in on Bill Ackman and Alan Dershowitz

every Democrat needs to be at least this much of a hater from now on. this is the energy we need. haters are democracy's strongest warriors

trump wins because he honestly and transparently tells you what he sincerely believes: the entire system is corrupt. i am corrupt. by definition i will punish my enemies and reward myself and my friends and this will be a great spectacle and profitable for those who are my friends. be my friend

Californians: if you're upset about this, just remember that your senator, @schiff.senate.gov, voted to confirm Sean Duffy as Secretary of Transportation.

“I was watching the baseball game” Interesting. I was contemplating solutions to the great global challenges of the 21st century. But your game sounds nice too 🤷‍♂️

hi, it's me, a lifelong Republican who has spent the last 30 years mocking and denigrating people who receive SNAP benefits. I am shocked and saddened that the Democrats are preventing us from doing the important work of delivering SNAP benefits

(smugly) oh, is an eternal sportsball happening?

check this shit out isaac chotiner [I immediately begin making contradictory statements and backpedaling, it's not clear what point I was trying to make]

This came up in my reels a few days ago & I haven't been able to stop thinking about it

a bunch of SUVs full of beefy guys with bad haircuts and wraparound shades parked outside completely deserted polling places in California, where ~80% of votes are cast by mail