we're so back

But hey lads at least there was no White House press office tweet for trans day of visibility. The superior masculine intellects of the master race strike again.

13 days from now

babe turn on CNBC, they're doing the first five minutes of Robocop

yesterday I was depressed about my lack of long-term job prospects, today I am depressed about the possibility of impending genocide. is this progress

I was already going to vote for Nithya. tonight I saw her speak and now I'm ready to follow her into combat. LA is long overdue for a good mayor; let's get it done

Bible: In the end times there are gonna be charlatans who use my name to trick you into supporting evil and it will be incredibly obvious to everyone except you. Evangelicals: This section of the Bible has always been mysteriously vague.

I say this every time the "Bluesky is dying" discourse comes up: if this website goes away and nothing replaces it, that is a net positive for all of us. We will all be forced to find new hobbies besides posting and our mental health will markedly improve

OH MY GOD

"I want to get a picture painted of myself holding a big gun that all my friends can sign" go for it, you're 12 "I want to have a gun sitting on a credenza at all times so I can be ready if The Bad Guys break into my house and attack me" sounds good my 12 year old buddy

more people listen to my podcast on a weekly basis than attend this church that got a glowing writeup in the New York Times

wow, looks like a rough patch for stocks AND bondis

Everything dies baby, that's a fact. But maybe everything that dies someday comes back

[front of T shirt] A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOUSE... [back of T shirt] ...OF SAND AND FOG (2003) STARRING BEN KINGSLEY, JENNIFER CONNELLY, AND SHOHREH AGHDASHLOO

less than halfway through his 2nd term Trump is underwater on every issue with every demographic, and now gas prices are set to skyrocket for the foreseeable future. I don't think we need to play 4D chess on this. if gas costs $9 on Election Day 2028, Ilhan Omar could win 300 electoral votes

hello police? I would like to file a report, I am being threatened with an extremely good time

I don't want to give the guy too much credit but I would assume that the audience for Andy Weir's books is disproportionately male, and he knows that, so he's going out of his way not to say anything that could fuck with his or his publishers' bag

sitting in traffic when a smart beautiful woman, w/an amazing personality, walks close by—about 5ft away. i lock my car doors out of respect

If you compare the pacing of The Simpsons to something like Friends, it's like slamming the accelerator. Even modern internet short form comedy like TikTok are draggier. In the 90s it must have felt like holding your brain over a candle

much like Donald Trump, Gavin Newsom's political beliefs appear to be whatever the last person he talked to told him to believe

INBOX: It took exactly twenty days for California Gov. Gavin Newsom to walk back his comments describing Israel as an "apartheid" state, a position held by the experts working for the United Nations, Amnesty International, and Human Rights Watch: www.politico.com/news/magazin...

@metrolosangeles.bsky.social hey I'm sitting here at 7th Street waiting for the 7:47 B Line to North Hollywood. The train just didn't show up? No announcement? And now we're all just sitting here waiting 20 minutes for the next train? Could you explain why that happened?

New bit I've perfected if anyone brings up a problem: I don't really follow politics but it was never like this before Trump. "But the Democrats and the funding and--" Yeah like I said I don't really follow that. There was always politics but before Trump it was never like this. That's all I know

By the numbers, more Americans interact with TSA on a daily basis than any other federal agency. Inserting power-tripping ICE psychos into this situation is going to radicalize way more people than Metro Surge did.

My alabaster milk child Teuton keeps asking for ranch dressing at the caviar factory, it is most epic. The fishmongers despise him.

If you've never seen the intro to Dirty Pair: Project Eden, you may be surprised to discover that it's one of the most beautiful things ever animated.

graveyard shift as a Nintendo Game Play Counselor. from 8pm to midnight you're chain smoking, slamming black coffee, and helping desperate strangers beat Zangief in Street Fighter II. you can't stand the squares who work the 4:00am shift. they haven't seen what you've seen.

I am going to become the Joker

people are saying we should welcome these people with forgiveness and empathy. counterpoint: what if we were extra super mean to them instead. bully the shit out of them forever. either it'll make them think twice before voting for Don Jr in 2028, or it won't but it will make me feel good. win win!

it takes one second to say "orange man bad" but you could spend years listing in detail all the different ways "bad" applies to him

Paul Thomas Anderson won Best Picture, took the stage to an orchestral arrangement of "Dirty Work" by Steely Dan, shouted out Barry Lyndon in his acceptance speech, then said he wanted a martini. This moment was designed by God to please exactly one person (me)

I thought Burger King was fine

the reason he wants to bomb iran is because its penis to bomb things and vagina to be against bombing things, i know its stupid but it really is that simple

looks like we traded generations of healthcare for 4 days worth of missiles

Bloom County invented Bluesky

Lots of discourse about this. Here’s the thing: these people (we used to call them “low-information voters” but now we call them “independents” or “Joe Rogan listeners”) are dogs, you can’t take them seriously in any way, you can’t pander to them, they do not matter.

Pretty crazy how important the blockade of a trade route is right now

one way you can tell the Trump Administration is very popular is the number of Trump's cabinet secretaries who have chosen to live on heavily-guarded military bases for their own safety

hey @schiff.senate.gov I am once again curious why your fundraising materials say "I am fighting tooth and nail against fascist pedophile Donald Trump" and why your voting record says "I am eager to find common ground and compromise with fascist pedophile Donald Trump"

so first of all, regarding the violent delights? big fan. love 'em. no notes there. I think the big sticking point for us right now is the violent ends. would really love it if somebody could do something about those...?

nope. no fair. they can't do that. Hegseth is probably talking to the Iranians' manager right now to let them know they're not allowed to do that.

tonight I took my relationship to a new level of intimacy (convinced my fiancee to start watching The Leftovers with me)

I support Gavin Newsom in everything but his continued political career