a middle aged woman just commented on my tik tok “i can’t think of anything more disgusting than free bleeding” so should i tell her what a scat kink is

if i lived in miami i would blow my brains out the amount of women in athleisure wear with a golden retriever and a six pack and men in vests makes me feel like im in the seventh circle of hell

alix earle doing a carls junior collab was the nail in the coffin of conservatism weaseling its way back into mainstream media. it started with tradwife home maker content and now we are back to blondes with big tits seductively holding a burger

see you this summer in a tiny bikini with a full bush and a huge knife in my hand

i saw someone post a take recently. wasn’t a fan.

i’m gonna kms

Opinion | Donald Trump is doing fascism. Here is why it’s the fault of a few hundred communists that told us to stop committing genocide

If we are bringing back the 50’s, I want quaaludes. NOW.

hanging out with a bunch of crows in the middle of the road just to see what the fuss is about

dem politician: Hi Friend, it’s me, Bob Robertson. Now more than ever, it’s time to FIGHT BACK. Donate a dollar to help us fight? me, being beaten to death with a blunt force object: please do something dem politician: Hi Friend, it’s me, Bob Robertson. In these unprecedented, we must

Don't tell me that the billionaires running the country don't have my interests at heart. You don't know my interests. What if my interests are to eat shit and die

ive seen rises , falls , gone viral , account suspended , gained weight , changed cities , boyfriends erased from bios Ive Been Online For So Long i'll still be posting after you're gone

I personally would have renamed it the gulf of hot bitches with their titties hanging out but I guess that’s why I’m not president

Me: Oh no that trolley is going to run us over! Guy tied up on the track next to me who somehow thinks he's actually the guy holding the lever: Lol cry more 😂

each night i pray that they never get jack schlossberg a pr team

I really hope big naturals are worth something in the new economy.

so now that "woke" and cancel culture and all that is dead and buried... can we get the ELLEN SHOW back on tv now???

i just saw a commercial saying i could save hundreds on car insurance. well guess what? i can't. you know why? because i don't own a motor vehicle. i've tried to buy car insurance and every time i've been turned away because i don't have a car. and when i see a commercial like that, it stings. a lot

(elon unveiling his new martian flag design) well as you uh can, you know, see. there's red which of course uh is the mars color. duh ha ha. and then here a white circle, and this is um representing the bright future for the ahh, human race. and then uh you have so, this is a hindu symbol,

the girls are still taking ozempic as if we aren’t approaching a long term food scarcity crisis like babe you need to take care of that thigh gap if you wanna make it through the 2027 winter

way too many people still see follower count as a status symbol of prestige or importance when it's really better understood as the unfortunate, burdensome side effect of trying too hard to make like 8 specific people laugh

average liberal: hohoho, methinks president cheeto is in for a rude surprise when these orders hit the courts 😏 average judge: i love hitler

anyways i’m getting back into animal crossing new horizons after 4 ish years away, my island is half built and a literal wreck, does anyone have tips for starting back up? i already restarted once and don’t want to do that again

politicians think we are soooooooo stupid like i’m begging all of you to watch veep and see what politicians actually think of us. people in washington say it’s the most accurate depiction of dc that exists and it is truly horrifying and also hilarious

i’m gonna save tik tok america i’m in contact with the ceo and working diligently to get it back up and running

I’m sad.

They cant get my data if i am Fully Dissolved in a bath tub full of sodium hydroxide

Mark Zuckerberg watching more and more users choose Xiaohongshu over Instagram Reels and ordering the release of Slur Update Omega

supreme court rules in favor of alligators in alligators eating people case

sex and the city? on tv. dinner? in the oven. wine? in my glass. shower? just happened. slippers? on my feet. life is worth living and i don’t need to be medicated.

quitting dry january not because i cant do it but because i want to drink wine

i finally did it!!! i just quit my 9-5 to pursue tik tok full time!!! 🤩🥳 2025 will be my year 🙏🙏

me watching tik tok go

recently feeling like i’m kendall roy if he was a hot woman

carrie underwood performing for trumps inauguration? bitch i hope he cheats again 😭😭

“It’s a crisis of media literacy rn”- me when someone likes a piece of media I didn’t like

i don’t give af about china having my data bitch i’m gonna hand deliver my most recent pap smear results to president xi

i will always sign up for a new chinese app. i am ready to learn chinese

2025 i’m bringing back whimsy and subtweets