Free use office girlie who's trying to give a presentation to the board but people keep putting their dicks in her mouth.

I for one am taking the most controversial position that both tennis and pickle ball are gay and should not exist.

I dunno what everyone was expecting expecting out of Chuck Schumer he’s always been a useless old bitch, made an entire career out of it. This is how this was always going to end because he always will suck the most amount of shit a human being possibly can.

Hit da fuckin bricks you shrekish fuckin slob literally no one likes you

I know killing the planet is bad and that’s why everyone should hate oil companies but I’m an extremely petty man and I hate them because I have to get bitten by mosquitos in November now

Got followed by a really cool account that’s definitely gonna exist in 2 weeks

Wednesday the high is in the 80s why do I have to live through climate apocalypse man I just want cold weather in November why does everything suck shit

I bought this mechanical watch from a Russian company that’s been around for like a hundred years. Wound it up every day for almost a year now and this fucker just keeps going. It looks like shit now and I don’t care I’m gonna wear this watch for as long as it works

Sometimes I look down and realize ‘goddamn I got some hairy ass man titties’ and I’m never gonna do anything about that

I can’t believe I found out tricky dick died at 4 pm. Man work sucked shit but now I officially have to call this a real good day.

Literally the only good thing about bluesky is I can make a post like this and not have to have an argument with some fucking dipshit about it

Didn’t he do a lot of rapes I distinctly remember more than just a couple of rapes

Man watching those little DoorDash robots or whatever on YouTube just completely fail to navigate crosswalks makes me feel a sense of hope I’m not gonna have to deal with ai in 5 years

This is the only one I refuse to believe is real

Stayed up late just so those fuckin canuckistanians could disappoint me. Fuckin dodgers man I fucking hate baseball.

Everyone’s like I like big naturals, I like small perkies. It doesn’t matter if they’re big or small, the best titties on earth are the ones on a woman who lets you put them in your mouth.

Happy Halloween from Mysty and psyduck

It’s really hard for to explain to someone who’s never lived in Texas just how much, as a lifelong resident, how much I fuckin hate Texas

Man I just made the mistake of going on to tik tok and looking up the ‘hawk tuah is boring. I’m gonna fart on it’ meme and now I’m scrolling through the fart fetish content rapidly trying to tell this Chinese ai I’m not into it I just wanted to see the meme

Apparently a bunch of people are going to lose the ability to get food because they will no longer have food stamps and maybe some of those people should make some real ass adult decisions about who exactly is responsible for that and take the next logical step

If I were 12 years old I’d be like ‘is this the Canadian knockoff version of friends this sucks dick’

Why does the bluesky logo look different on my phone now am I having a stroke or did it change

gay vegans? like pick a struggle bro 😂

You ever just sometimes forget to post online

The piss tank on the ISS is now 69% full.

Remember like 6 years ago when there was actual online discourse about body shaming cops? That was so fucking stupid I’m glad that as a fat boy I gave you all a pass

Have you guys googled those idiots from the young republicans groupchat leak? Like lmao why do all these assholes look 50, calling themselves young republicans

I may not be a man of the people, I’m not some big time journalist, I’m just a simple man who thinks America must die

Some guy on the White House lawn in a backhoe or a bulldozer tearing down the east wing could just let Jesus take the wheel. There’s nothing stopping you brother just keep on going, plow through that old piece of shit.

My favorite conservative memes are about overweight women with blue hair and it’s like ok man relax. Yours just have bleach blonde hair shut the fuck up, let’s all chill out a little bit on the hating women thing for a little while let’s take a time out both sides

I’ll believe in long covid when they can finally prove chronic Lyme disease. You feel like shit because existence on this rock is nothing but misery you’re not suffering from a disease this is just how being alive in America works

this follow is fat felix approved

Sometimes ‘how you fit all that ass into those jeans’ is a valid question that you should think and not actually ask

Remember when shaq was doing DJ shows. Man he fucking rules I hope we get to enjoy Shaq for another 30 years he’s probably the most famous person that ever replied to me on Twitter and he’s just a cool guy

The most left leaning group in America is 80% pro abortion and 70% for ‘access’ to gender affirming healthcare this country is so fuckin cooked brother we’re fuckin done

I’ll always be a fat boy at heart but damn going from 320 to 240 has basically solved all my sleeping issues and I just have normal high blood pressure now not knocking on heart attacks door levels. It does fucking suck dick trying to eat right though it’s so goddamn expensive

matt prestiged bc he was sick of his “rude” label, follow him Again

I’ve watched that loud asshole eat pavement like 5 times in a row now. You absolutely cannot give chase to a teenager with a skateboard when you have a physique like that. I couldn’t hear what the young kid said but it must have been an incredible own for that old guy to even make the attempt

Rob Schneider has died. He was 61 years old, and 5 foot 3 inches tall.

Starting a thread of fuckin your dad memes, many of which I got suspended on Twitter over

Big tits

When the Jews return to Zion And a comet fills the sky The Holy Roman Empire rises And you and I must die From the eternal sea he rises Creating armies on either shore Turning man against his brother Until man exists no more

Can someone tell me where to stream wrestling I’m tired of paying $50 a month to just watch smackdown

Where can I watch wrestling streams illegally I’m tired of paying for USA

Why the fuck are these government accounts showing up here now who invited these fucking freaks

I don’t know who these people are but everything dies. If nothing else keeps you going remember everything dies

I have more thoughts on this. You ever see titties out at thanksgiving or Christmas? No, you don’t. Someone’s damn grandma would cause a scene and ruin the good vibes of titties being out. 4th of July seems like a natural holiday to let them hang out but no one ever does. Halloween number 1

Halloween is the best holiday because women just let their titties hang out and everyone is cool about it. We need more titty centric holidays like Halloween.