Countries like Belgium and Poland should be glad that Israel exists because it makes the rest of the world forget what blights upon humanity they are. Not me though. I’ll carry that torch until the day I die.

Day 3 of taking my blue post it notes to work. Still no written anti-semitic slurs for me to cover up. I remain hopeful for tomorrow though, because I will once again be taking my blue post it notes.

I just got a ticket for obstruction of justice after a cop pulled over my obviously sober friend over who was giving me and our two very drunk friends a ride home because the cop said ‘do I smell alcohol?’ And I said ‘damn it’s crazy they let you guys drink on the job.’

I need a manicure 💅

Super Bowl next year is on Valentine’s Day and and I think they might actually fire Roger goodell over it

Least surprising headline I’ve seen in a while. These people are dumber than bricks

Get a load of mister ‘I have healthy relationships with my family’ over here. This fucking guy telling me someone cares about me and they obviously do not. Must be nice not existing on an island of absolute sadness.

Goddamn I have never had a tik tok hit so close to home

Why should I feel bad for some dumb bitch from Alabama who betrays all her self proclaimed morals so she can have a future in politics. ‘you know what that lady from Alabama who votes to fund ice feels bad about it, she’s probably a good person’. Fuck this stupid cunt from now until forever

I’m gonna be honest my wife teaches high school and when these retards talk about ‘my following’ and I need to impress my followers it’s literally just 25 people zoomers are so fucking dumb like I can’t even explain it just the most brain poisoned generation.

Sometimes I’ll be like can you turn a hersheys dark chocolate with almonds into a cake and I find myself into a three years long reddit thread about how the Jews control the sugar and therefore America. Sometimes the internet has different ideas but fuck me I guess where’s the fucking cake

It’s time for a real throwback to when I lost my Twitter account for the 17th time

I don’t recognize Belgium or Luxembourg as real countries. Just give them to France and Germany this facade is ridiculous

Fuck Saudi Arabia fucking bitch ass country can’t even let hot women wrestlers have their titties out. Gay ass fucking country. Don’t even get me started on 9/11 I’ll fucking go off on these gay bitches

Can’t even watch wrastlin without some dumbass babies crowding the couch

Please kiss

Millenial ass Kyrsten Sinema needs to go back to the woods and shut the fuck up forever

Can’t wait to get fucked by an ice storm tomorrow while I’m at work this is gonna rule

Why are all these ice agents fat pieces of shit I thought we had better standards for cops in this country how are you gonna be fatter than the fattest nypd shithead

Scrolled tik tok for like 20 minutes and fell down a rabbit hole of baseball fights. They’re obviously more athletic than me but I’m 1000% confident I beat the average major league player in a fight these guys cannot throw a punch to save their lives

I have a friend who’s weirdly loyal to genesis, the luxury division of Hyundai. It feels weird to me to know someone my age who gives a single fuck about what brand of car they drive. It feels like a real throwback kind of thing only old people should care about

Telling my kids this was Hillary Clinton when she ran for president in 2016

It’s so fucking funny they brought maduro back to America so they could charge him with drug trafficking and ‘owning machine guns’. Like why didn’t they just kill him it would have been way less embarrassing than whatever the fuck they’re about to do in 6 months

Just beat off. It’s so simple. Just stroke your shit until you bust and afterwards you’ll be like ‘damn thank god I decided against zappin my Gooch’

I hope god is real because I’m really looking forward to kicking the dilbert guys ass when I see him in hell. Last month of your life converting to Christianity? Fucking weak, bitch. I grew up in the church of Christ the big man upstairs can hold a serious grudge

Watching the second to last Harry Potter movie with my kids and you know for his whole thing being killing people, wizard Hitler really does suck ass at it

You know what’s awesome about America toppling a government and assuming authority in a foreign country? It always works and you’re never remembered as the biggest piece of shit on planet earth

The humane society needs to stop ai generating dogs to get people to come in this is unsettling

I’m sorry it’s 8:49 pm your new years doesn’t count I live in the lords time zone

I kind of appreciate there’s commercials in streaming now. Reminds me I have to piss. I sit down at home because I live with all girls but I’m a standing piss guy at work you know because I’m not gay.

It rules being American. I can say things like ‘fuck Belgium that’s not a real country give it to France’ or ‘I’m sorry what language do they speak in Austria again? Oh German? Not a real country’. Fuck that whole continent I have zero respect for any of those tiny pathetic countries.

Not to be a downer on Christmas Eve but what in the fuck is Amazon one medical

I think why I like Shaq so much is yeah he’s a rich guy, but he’s also just out there havin a good time. Hes not like magic Johnson turning his money into owning every Starbucks on the west coast and buying the dodgers. Hes just a good time hang out guy. Money is fake who cares

Hell yeah brother

Listen I’m not some woke warrior or whatever, but if we’re all being honest with ourselves, these trans girls got some nice ass titties.

That movie with Val Kilmer and lions fucking ruled. What a fucking stupid movie. Like that has ever happened, just a stupid guys idea of what Africa is like.

Man the muppet Christmas carol just hits hard every year. Pigs and frogs having babies. The cripple frog dies. Makes me cry every time.

Really big yp, not even close to a mp.

I took the day off today and someone texted me from work that a garbage truck we were gonna work on caught fire in the parking lot and it sounds like a really great day to not be there. Big man upstairs every once in awhile seems to just have my back.

Fucking December in Texas. Fuck this fuck a green Christmas fuck these retards who continue to say climate change isn’t real fuck all of it fuck everything from now until forever

I’m not some fancy chef, I’m not cooking gourmet meals. I’ve taught my kids, who are almost grown now, you got a protein you got some vegetables it’s all good. Cooking is a chore fuck spending time in the kitchen if you don’t enjoy it just go easy mode and get the essentials in

You know I’m not normally a guy who’s like ‘we should nuke x place’ but Riyadh is really testing me on this. Outside of Washington DC, if we’re all being honest,

I’m not a deadhead but I do really enjoy the Grateful Dead. I fucking hate so much that John Mayer gets to jam with those guys. The fucking shithead who built a career off of making 14 year old girls horny for him and then making atrocious blues guitar albums gets to hang with the Grateful Dead

starting a support group for all the women who have survived a lecture from a man about the band Tool

So mad I’m old enough to believe in the American dream but still young enough to realize this whole thing is held up with popsicle sticks and Elmer’s glue. What a fucking cursed existence to own a home in America and still have to look down the barrel of the gun and know it means nothing.

People say Babe Ruth is the greatest player of all time. He smoked and drank every day and still went out there. If you played before black guys were allowed to all your records mean nothing fuck you. You were great in the time period but fuck off if you think you’re better than Hank Aaron

Frotting on a Sunday as god intended

I want this to be on record. There’s no such thing as fake tits. You either have naturals or bolt ons. They’re all real to me. Fake tits are in your imagination and you’re probably an anime nerd touch a natural or bolt on tittie brother. If you can put it in your mouth it’s real.

It’s so fucking funny to me I just watched a two hour tribute to John Cena. His last match. The guy who’s white pretending to be black became the biggest name in wrestling. Wrestling is so fucking stupid why do I even watch this

Yellow starburst are the best, yellow skittles are the best, lemonheads are the best candies