You guys ever think about how ever since we landed on the moon it’s been like this long decline of the world getting shittier. Fuck space man none of the real ones fuck with space we shouldn’t be up there

Turns out being the majoras mask of posting on bluesky nets you zero titties in your dms because this godforsaken website still won’t let beautiful women with fat honkers send them to me

Imagine being a man in your 30s going by ‘Charlie’ and not Charles

any time i go to a fast food restaurant that has a self ordering kiosk everyone is just straight up ignoring it and waiting in line to talk to a human who can quickly and efficiently get their order to the kitchen and honestly it rules

I know I talk about titties a lot but sometimes I wanna talk about feeding a family of five. I do a lot of pasta because these damn women love their noodles. When I do chili I mix in corn chips because it stretches a day longer.

The more of these I keep seeing the funnier it gets lmao it’s so fucking funny the President has an autism announcement

Happy rapture day everyone. Make sure you’re sucking on titties when the world blows up or Jesus isn’t gonna let you into heaven

It feels weird Garfield is in advertisements now. Like this feels like Jim Davis signed some kind of weird contract where he was like ‘give me the money now but you can’t use Garfield for 20 years’ and I’m just now having to see this

One of the most evergreen memes of all time

We all know and love our certified titty boy @tittysommelier.bsky.social

Time to suck on some heckin’ boobarinos

My oldest daughter is 18 and in community college and it’s so fuckin hard to raise a pretend adult man. She just fuckin lies out of compulsion I guess. You don’t need my permission to go to your boyfriend’s apartment and fuck him just tell me what time you’re coming home like come on.

I am going to drink 6 (six) beers today. No more no less. I will be asleep by 8 pm. And there isn’t a goddamn thing any of you can do to stop me.

All right brothers. It’s push time. Let’s get it to a billion. If we all put in the work we can do this. YouTube is fucking ass but you put it on your tv and leave it on repeat. Fuck football we got shit to do today

Lids should be banned on cookie jars says famous muppet Cookie Monster

‘Bisexual’ women with septum piercings will kill you but also that pussy go crazy so roll the dice boys ride the roller coaster and see if you survive

Hell yeah brother

I wanna know what your least justified suspension on Twitter was. Mine was the time I dunked on some little conservative shithead named Brilyn Hollyhand, quote tweeted him and said ‘This yakubian snow apes name really is Brilyn Hollyhand’. Got like 40k likes and caught a 7 day

Whatever happened to the gun girl at Kent state who shit her pants what’s she up to these days

Honestly this true every time I open this app

It’s fucking bullshit the iPhone doesn’t have a button on it anymore this face recognition shit sucks every dick that’s ever existed

I’m 37 years old and it’s crazy to hear guys my age or older at work brag about getting pussy. Like goddamn brother I don’t blame you for wanting it but have some self respect and leave the pussy conquest stories for the 22 year old idiots we are forced to work with

Unpopular opinion but I do not respect the nation of Japan. You’re afraid to have a military because of some treaty in WWII where the nation that nuked you said you’re not allowed to? Grow a backbone. North Korea is right there and they don’t give a fuck what we think or do

Almost as funny as the time Johnny Knoxville took a shot from Butterbean except I like both Johnny Knoxville and Butterbean

Going to bed in just my socks just to feel something

I’m not gonna make it because this website is anti fun and anti having a good time but imagine in your mind palace the Assad must go meme but it’s ms Rachel

I’m not saying she did it, but how fucking cool would it be if Ms. Rachel was the mastermind behind all of this

If I’m gonna live in some fascist ethno state of America where ICE has like 400 billion dollars of funding and just deports American and legal citizens for the crime of being a little too brown to CECOT I’m gonna celebrate when some brave patriot has the courage to take matters into his own hands

There’s no such thing as fake titties. If I can put them in my mouth, they’re real ass titties.

still can't believe the mods ruined the best posting day since trump got covid

I think I’ve had this on my phone longer than my youngest daughter has been alive

Happy patriot day boys post em if you gottem

Goddamn this country is so fuckin cooked man lmao

Man charlie Kirk and 9/11 back to back like goddamn guys maybe god actually is real

Just posting so I can pin it

I hate to side with the Ukraine flag people but damn it would be cool if we could box donny deals on this one. Like just get him in a corner and for the next 3 years relentlessly agitate him until he’s not president and then just take the next logical step

3 6 9, damn you fine, my feet and knees hurt every day when I get home from work I will never be able to get low to the ground again without kneeling

You ever think about titties in your face

“uh, actually it’s ephebecide”

The ‘abundance’ asshole who spends his free time walking around New York City calling in parking violations to the police and will never be able to have an opinion on Israel that doesn’t sound absolutely psychotic is a center left democrat who doesn’t deserve the same oxygen you do

Is swear to god if my kids keep doing six seven at me I’m gonna go from pro abortion to pro infanticide

All right boys. We’re 10 days from 9/11. Get them ready, just last like last year, and the 20 years before that, we’re going no holds barred, no disqualifications, everything is legal. I want a dirty ass fight, I want blood in the ring, someone needs to die

I would like to go to Luckenbach, TX, with Waylon and Willie and the boys.

I know I’m late to this party but the beef tallow thing is so fucking stupid. Who actually gives a fuck you’re frying potatoes just season them after. My dad swears I make French fries like his grandmother did and she used crisco and I just use vegetable oil. It’s all fucking oil.

Just a quick scroll through the timeline and I see posts like ‘no one has seen President trump for 3 days maybe he’s dead’. We would go weeks without seeing Biden and Trump is sundowning about as hard as Biden in 2020, we are gonna see a lot less of him really fast

Tfw you’re laying in your boxers on your couch and all the lights are off and you’re just chilling

I can’t wait until my door gets kicked in by some blitzed out fort Bragg operator who just did 300 lbs of cocaine because I said ‘Israel is bad’. Doing JSOC but just inside our own borders might be the dumbest possible move a president could make lmao

I’m not gonna read her article what sizzling hot take did that swamp monster Lorenz come up with about kids and school cell phone bans