Now imagining being the person who listens to this call recording* and hears that right before transfer like 😶‍🌫️😱 *For quality, training and compliance purposes, of course

Also, please please finish cooking the bacon 😭 It's so much nicer without white wobbly bits, please 🥺

This but dishes

I appear to be Grumpy on the Internet today 😬

Of course we don't bloody know this, whatever it is, why would we? And where is everyone supposed to get "spare thinkpads" from exactly? Like, who is the "everyone" in this scenario - and if it's so perfect, why is it only on the spare and not in full use?

people who’ve never been silent a day in their lives love to talk about how they will no longer be silent

...why are we scare-quoting "green belt" like it's not a long-established and readily understood term already?

"removing writing from reporters' workloads" 😶😯

A symphony orchestra truly is the ultimate refutation to the idea that human brains don’t multitask. Everyone on this stage is paying attention to at least three things at once at all times.

Can I please hide somewhere forever? I don't like this business of having to exist in a world full of people* *Including me, I am one too, alas

If I was skating in an Olympic event, something would be deeply, deeply wrong with the selection process 😆

Sometimes I get a little upset when I live in a collapsing dystopia for many years

✨spectacularly rubbish✨ at all sports forever 🙋🏻‍♀️

Alas, my best is a puddle, and people don't pay puddles enough to keep the lights on 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fabulous word ✨

I understand I was really disruptive today but in my defense I’m literally a silly little guy

I think it should be legal to slap these off someone's face and smash them with a big mallet if you see them recording you without your permission

Kinda Fucked Up that in our lifetimes we've gone from "never share personal info on the internet" to "hand over your identity to the most incompetent corporations imaginable".

I get that the point is to pretend that neither Green Day or Bad Bunny were being political because every major outlet is afraid of the "showing up in a Truth Social screenshot" industrial complex, but its impossible to ignore the overt political sentiment present in both the pre and half time shows

“(This is how men behave.)” It is not how men behave. It is how creeps behave. I swear to god, nobody is as eager to torch the reputation of men as men are.

Sorry, I can't come into the office because my cat would be sad.

Jeffrey Epstein took more photos of people he only hung out with once than I have of my best friends of 15 years

"oh no, my own petard"

ICE is obviously full of violent thugs, but they’re also run-of-the-mill trolls. They circle schools and hospitals in their rented cars because they also think their mission is to own the libs.

me, emotionally writing an essay on the use of force by federal agents: ok but what if i packaged this in the most insane way possible www.theverge.com/policy/86857...

I think I might take one of these "under 20 minutes" AI skills courses the UK Govt. seems very keen on everyone doing and live-post it here... Maybe we can all learn something together! The press release sends me to aiskillshub.org.uk/aiskillsboost/ - let's go and see!

This is a good point and there is definitely somewhere in London willing to serve me one...

i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests - nazgul bodycams - morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring - shelob will be the new point of contact

They have a proven track record for getting people to vote for whatever party they are not running. Hopefully we can all remember that and vote for "anyone else at all" (except like Fox)

The data has come in and it says murder is bad

Each time all typos are successfully edited from a book, the entire universe is immediately replaced with a new universe containing a version of the book that has at least one typo.

US government rn

“Kind, good, happy, gentlemanly, secure people never go Nazi….But the frustrated and humiliated intellectual, the rich and scared speculator, the spoiled son, the labor tyrant, the fellow who has achieved success by smelling out the wind of success—they would all go Nazi in a crisis.” — D. Thompson*

There's no better way to observe MLK Day than to go on the news and insist that the civil rights protesters objecting to police brutality are actually "paid agitators"

I JUST NOW read in my workplace training on AI ethics and assurance, that using AI to 'predict' future crime is a BIG NOPE... And then I log in online and see this 🤯

social media was a mistake

inventor of political dynamite

Ouchies

ICE: books rooms at a Hilton Hotel: no thanks, we don't like you DoJ: how dare you, that's illegal!? Hilton Corporate: *evicts hotel from chain* . . 1 week later . . Entirely different Hilton hotel: gets threats for hosting ICE, closes to all guests Corporate: 🫠

if someone punches your neighbor and you go to protect them, that does not make you a protester. that makes you someone who protects your neighbor.

This one is a no-brainer, unite the electorate petition.parliament.uk/petitions/73...

Being a non-American English-speaker on social media is funny 😅 This bloke clearly had some sort of local following before today but "the general public of Minnesota being stubborn as fuck" is the world's favourite phenomenon this week, so we're just like "who is this idiot and why is he talking?"

"We should accept that Britain is no longer a global power" is a reasonable suggestion. "Therefore, we should submit to the most belligerent and threatening power," reveals both what your understanding of power always was, and your own lack of a positive vision for the country.

If you never need a social media break, we're sorry, but you have been poisoned and there is no known cure.

We're living in the mental space of a 12th century nobleman trying to attack the king without getting put in the Tower.

"Why won't my bank let me withdraw my life savings, after I told them I want to 'invest' it all in crypto? It's my money, they can't do this!" Well...

Why are we telling Donald Trump this?

Ofcom may take decisive action against X, like requiring it to apologise in eight months on a webpage so buried that nobody will read it.

Cancelling my 14 day trial of 2026. I did not subscribe to this fuckery. OPT OUT. STOP. UNSUBSCRIBE

Can we please bring back the old social media rule where we check the replies to see if someone else already posted the exact reply we just thought of, and if they already did, we like their version and move on instead of retyping the same damn thing over and over boringly like a bunch of LLMs?