I for one would like to stop being trapped in a Matt Groening panel from 1996

(pronounced Cape Cod accent) goddamn Memento Mori skeleton guy got in the house, keeps fackin tellin me to remembah i'm mortal. i said thank fack, means i ain't gotta keep listenin ta youwah bony ass.

Washington State Governor Bob Ferguson has reportedly been inconsolable about Congress’ passage of the Big Beautiful Bill, crying that severely cutting life-saving services while refusing to tax the rich even a tiny bit more was his thing.

I hope cats know how much we love them

some of the best artistic motivation comes from mentally cranking john cages 4'33" and playing it on a constant loop in your head

The cat took advantage of my distraction to sample my curry leftovers. Now he’s complaining about my spice level preferences. HE IS A CRIMINAL.

NO GOD, NO BOSS, NO HUSBAND. Athens, 2020.

Apparently I look like a middle-aged Tintin. This is…not inaccurate.

Today I showed my coworkers my totally rad Trapper Keeper, and my Gen Z colleague was confused because he’d never heard of Trapper Keepers.

👻

@ kendrick lamar do one about schumer

Going to start doing RETVRN posting for basic government functioning. Going “this is what they took from you” and it’s a childhood vaccine schedule and pasteurized milk without any manure in it.

I think I’m like a zero, but my girlfriend’s partner apparently thinks I’m terrifying? And like no, I’m just being awkward.

Feeling like revisiting @youaregood.bsky.social’s episode on GREEN ROOM.

I know I’m already in school for free here, but suddenly a masters degree in literally any other country is looking p good. I could get an MBA. I think anyone can get one of those?

Please call me King Cunty from now on.

I sincerely don’t know why people aren’t physically stopping those dorks. Move shit. Lock doors. Lose the keys. Everyone switch seats. Turn off all the lights. Switch the signs on the elevator lobby. Make the settings all silly. Use a different language. Wear costumes. Fill rooms with balloons

I was led to believe by R.E.M. that I would feel a lot better about this.

Working on a paper & a source I wanted was about pay equity and intersectional discrimination and was on the EEOC website. Except it wasn't. It was listed in Google results but it was missing from EEOC’s site. The Wayback Machine had it archived on 1/14 Hm, wonder why it’s suddenly vanished 🤔

Democratic lawmakers need to understand something: Imagine your house is on fire. Fire truck shows up. Firefighters get out. They look at the fire, then at you, and say: "Such a fire is a grave threat. This house will not sustain." And just stand there. This is how many of you are coming across.

I’m taking all the letters here L - ettuce B - roccoli G - rapefruit T - omatoes Q - uince

I sure picked the wrong month and/or timeline to start classes for a masters in public administration

Graduate school group projects will turn me into the Joker. I am only three weeks into grad school. Help.

A bird pooped on me while I was waking to the gym. I know that if I go back home to wash my hair, there’s no chance I’ll leave the house again. And this is why I’m now lifting with poop in my hair.

David Lynch movies are the closest art has come for me of making you feel like you're inhabiting a dream that makes no sense in the telling but makes perfect sense as an experience

His loss will be felt. This one hurts, y'all.

A girl I knew in college saw David Lynch speak at an event. When it ended, she found a way to get to the front to tell him how much his films and shows meant to her. His response was “Thank you. And remember, the universe is in your basement.”

Jesus Christ my cat will not chill Can I roofie him so he lets me sleep THIS IS A JOKE DO NOT COME FOR ME

Happy 2025! The horrors persist but so do I!

I hope 2025 is like @gonzo.bsky.social: 100% good!

new years resolutions are the same as always, as they have not failed me yet: get fatter, be hotter, do more drugs, have more sex

I love maps so much. Now I want to go to the map store

Someone I went to college with is having a major freak-out about the drones in NJ. She legit believes shit is ending. Last night she posted “Will flowers ever bloom again?” I am trying to be sympathetic but yikes.

Horror sometimes feels like the last bastion of literature for queer people to be freaks and work serious dark themes into their work. Queer SFF seems to have genre signifiers implying cozy found family stories, gentrified, upper class, tokenized diversity and no more.

Is that how much stitches cost these days?

Lotta folks learned nothing after watching SAW VI, huh?

Had a disastrous job interview for a thing that would pay me a life-changing amount of money. So now I’m drinking while remotely working for the rest of the day.

NYPD suspects that the killer of United Healthcare's CEO has fled the city, but they are not giving up. 24 hours a day, in precincts all over the city, officers whose heads are the exact size and shape of a Boars Head boiled ham showing each other stuff on their phones and injecting steroids.

we all know this classic way

It really is quite touching. I haven’t seen something bring people together like the UnitedHealth CEO assassination since the release of Pokémon Go.

Wonder who the CEO is

Chilling outside OR while waiting for top surgery revision. Current misgendering count: 4 (I’m not upset, just amused)

Now that more of the cat accounts have moved over here, I’ll also be here more! Because social media is for cats

oh dang just got my wpath letter let's gooooo

As Twitter circles the drain, will this one last?