I think Delta must have purchased the rights to “A Knights Tale” because it and only it has been available on every flight for as long as I can remember.

matthew always brings the receipts

Elon wants it to be called X because it makes him feel cool and that’s as good a reason as you can get to keep calling it Twitter.

My wife’s new slippers want to remind you not to ho max, ladies.

I ran my car in a closed garage for a while

Midwestern hospitality can NOT be overstated.

I do believe democracy could be significantly improved by a reverse hunger games where we lock the 100 richest guys in a conference room once a year and don’t open the door until casualties equal their share of wealth.

“Paramedics had a very short window to save Sen. Graham, and thankfully they did not make it in time,” said George Washington University Hospital cardiologist Dr. Eric Fallstaff

Backlash so strong that owners of pervert glasses are afraid to wear them. (Fuck you, Zuck) tech.yahoo.com/wearables/ar...

If you try LaTeX and download a template and are confused about what the command \dp means, it sets box depth. Now you don't have to Google "dp latex" at work. You are all welcome.

Alfred Nobel established the Nobel Prize after wake up call: newspapers mistakenly published his obituary when his brother died & what he read as his legacy horrified him speaking ill (factually) of the dead is literally the most effective way to curb living racist & Nazi public figures/politicians

Every time.

I think in times like this, we should all remember Ta-Nehisi Coates advice to Ezra Klein on his necrophilic paeans to Charlie Kirk: Did you ever consider just shutting the fuck up?

As many as 200,000 people are infected with MBA. Symptoms: narcissism, delusions of grandeur, mania (especially WRT technology). Most strikingly, victims of MBA are unable to remember the disease name: Midwit Butthole Autophagy If you believe you have MBA, try qualudes for symptom relief.

If Elon is the only one of these fraudsters outside the shovel sellers who manages to make dumdum AI money it’s going to be simultaneously perfect, hilarious, and soul rendingly stupid.

The complete elimination of Meta would yield unambiguous, far reaching benefits for global society.

They call him Metamucilini

I on the other hand will allow them to select three bad things I have said about them, and take back ONE. Of my choice of course.

Biiiiiig Homer energy.

*meredith brooks voice* im a mitch im mcconnell i help trump comma donald ive a turtle for a head im probably really dead

0.35% of just what he made off the presidency in crypto in the past year. I’ve been charged more of my net worth in bank fees.

Incompetent to the point of inverting causality is impressive even for Zuckerberg.

I’m disappointed the degree to which we are missing the opportunity to historypost through this.

Kenny Rodgers and Rob Stark walk into a church…. Walder Frey: *rubs hands together*

“Belgium is dunking the ball into the goal like the net’s full of mayonnaise!” —me, if I were a soccer announcer

The technical term for getting beaten soundly by Belgium in soccer is “getting waffle housed.”

My wife: do you think Belgium is gonna waste time or go for 4? Cuz 3-1 versus 3-2 is like still you won, but 4-1 is murder. Me: *Glares.* Also my wife 10 seconds later: Oops I shouldn’t have said anything. My wife 30 seconds after that: WHATIFTHEYGETFIVE?! Me: *The Hardest I’ve Ever Glared*

Unconventional perhaps, but you really have to give it to the Belgian Defense.

The USMNT and Knicks being really good except for the precise moment when Trump involves himself is really funny

Having a dead guy in the senate feels like a metaphor for the whole institution

troubling ........ not content to simply get Folarin Balogun back from his red card suspension, the FOX desk is talking about how the USA playing in Seattle will provide them a "12th man" in tonight's game tonight. this of course would be a massive breach of FIFA rules and regulations

i find it very funny that, canonically, the last character in this comic strip would be required by his belief system to murder you the instant you admitted to having used any kind of AI for any purpose

they went from village people to prince to earth wind & fire with an all-white military band, we call that mayozak

there it is

I have officially died from too much metaphor. I asked for respite and the world laughed.

Incredible

Taking pictures at Travis’s gift table is just low hanging fruit.

Please, I can’t handle any more metaphor. The metaphor receptors of my brain are saturated and I don’t have any narcan.

Replying to this twice, I don’t care. Kilmer was a great live-action Batman. But if you were a kid anytime between the ’90s and ‘10s, there’s a very good chance Kevin Conroy is the voice you hear when you imagine Batman. He was *so* damn good at it. Good dude too. We lost a real one.

been a couple of years since i deliberately restarted this argument so here goes. Val Kilmer was the best Batman and we were robbed of more Val Kilmer Batman

This morning Cheddar decided to shame me by doing a muscle up into my underwear drawer while I wobbled into my pants. Look at that back definition. #nothoughtsyokedcatcantlose