My Twitter account got locked for a week because I said that @schumer.senate.gov should be shot into the sun for being the worst possible Democrat for this moment. Anyway fuck Chuck Schumer.

One of the things that’s insane is it so much of what is terrible about the world like the attention economy, Facebook, etc all this shit is just advertising. Everything is terrible so that people can find more effective ways to sell you shit

The attention economy is one of the bleakest things I have seen emerge from a post internet society. We did too much I think. We do too much.

Back in the office, everyone. But no drinking water or using the bathroom.

Someone needs to get all the Megans, Meagans, and Meghans, in a room and finally figure this mess out.

People posting themselves singing to that fucking Kanye HH song

Happy Mothers Day 🤗

Dunno who needs to hear this but chamomile milk tea with some honey, lemony gin, and orange bitters is pretty enjoyable when you like to party like it’s 1986 and you are you’re own grandmother watching murder she wrote.

Hey, now that we’re all adjusted can we still have some hate for daylight savings time?

So I worked this mission, and this statement from a clearly politicized propagandist at NASA is disgustingly deceitful. The lies are so blatant that even one of my colleagues who voted for Trump is disgusted. In 20 years I have never seen anything like this at NASA www.foxnews.com/politics/nas...

It’s so fucking funny how so many white people manage to be racist even when they’re being nice Well, somebody told me this place was run by a Persian so I knew it had to be a successful business Bro, say less. I’m just a dude like you. No magic powers from the near east.

I wish Underberg also sold these gallon sized swing bottles

It’s so funny seeing dipshit reactionaries mad at “pronouns in bio” stuff because I know for a fact that every single one of you with an office job has received an email from a person you didn’t know and you had to ask “is that a guy or a girls name?”

Pretty weird that egg salad is just chopped eggs in an egg sauce but I get it man. That shit tastes great.

Dumbest thing about Chuck Schumer and the corporate Dem strategy - they think people will credit them for being responsible, but people have no memory and Republicans will end up calling them baby raping communists anyway. Meanwhile you lost all leverage to prevent an insane budget

The reason the Democrats keep acting like cowards, getting nothing done, while the Republicans own everything now is that the Democrats are currently threatening to primary Chuck Schumer but the Republicans threatened to kill their vice president. I’m sorry, but the the US rewards political violence

Pitch black at 7am is absolutely fucking ridiculous. Daylight savings time needs to be packed into a cybertruck and set on fire.

I don’t really worry about what the meaning of life is. That feels bougie as fuck. But I really do think that you can be satisfied with a life spent reading books you like. That’s pretty impressive, you stupid monkey.

This whole country wants bad things for others more than they want good things for themselves.

I am not the first to say it but I do sort of see where JD Vance's mom was coming from when she traded him for drugs

It’s so fucking stupid, too. People with government jobs take their salaries and spend that money to support the local economy.

Eric Berger is a disgrace no better than Ted Cruz. Pathetic.

Don’t worry everybody it’s gonna be fine. I ate Black Eyed Peas on New Year’s Day.

I was reminded of how fucking stupid the right wing pronoun rage is when I had to inform someone of my two different employees Taylor and Taylor, one a dude and one a chick.

One of my favorite, fantastical experiences of living in Houston is being outside when a major cold front blows through. Experiencing a shift from 80° and high humidity to 50° and north winds in the span of 5 minutes is unreal.

People that send me endless reels on fucking IG - I need them to stop it’s important they don’t do that anymore.

This shit is so fucking embarassing. “Defending women” Fuck yall

Elon Musk probably needs everyone back in the office because it’s harder to sexually assault people when they’re working from home.

You almost have to respect the way in which the Right adopts their assigned talking points and just goes with it. None of these people ever mentioned or even heard of USAID before the last week or two. Now every single Boomer grandpa is screeching about USAID on Facebook lmao

Hi there @davidwondrich.bsky.social Wondering if I could trouble you for help please. We’re working on some specials for black history month for my bar and from what I found could find Tom Bullock’s Continental Sour seems to be first published version of the modern New York Sour specs…

I run/own a neighborhood cocktail bar. We strive to pay well, provide benefits. Our margins are EXTREMELY slim. I am paid less than my lowest paid employee. All our citrus comes from Mexico. A 25% cost increase would force us to immediately raise prices for 80% of drinks. That’s just citrus

Not to second guess the aliens but whenever you’re ready guys.

Idiotic MAGA folks were raging against Colombia and saying they didn’t need their coffee, not realizing nowhere in the continental US can grow coffee. Know which country can grow coffee, though?

Back in the '90s, I got pretty far into the casting process for second season of Survivor. I'm just thinking, had things gone a little differently, I might be secretary of commerce right now.

Craziest thing about Rome is that several times in a week I saw some random man or woman and was like that is the most beautiful person I have seen in my life. This one dude handling luggage at the airport looked like that famous bust of Cleopatra. Also Mediterranean noses are 😙👌

And they’re just gonna keep doing it to us because we’re still cozy in bed while they’re plotting and doing their evil, early deeds.

Great piece. Only thing I think could use further discussion here is where drink prices should go. The Island Jittney may warrant a $20 price tag because of its insane ingredients, but I think we need to get a bit more realistic about refocusing on cocktails as easy, good, affordable indulgences

Came to Rome for the first time and the vibes are fucking excellent. Favorite European capital so far. By far.

i love how insane everyone is becomeing

You shouldn’t need to apologize to Brian/Bryans when you misspell their names. Honestly they should apologize to you.

People who refer to themselves as myself instead of I in conversation, man I don’t know what to do with y’all

I've heard foxes mating exactly once in my life, and I was so struck with terror at the sound that suddenly all old folk beliefs and superstitions made sense. Because if you heard that in the dark with no understanding of what it could be, you could only come to believe the very worst.

This is a fascinating turn of events

*dying* Thank you God no more pulling half wet fitted sheets full of socks out of the dryer

i hate these tech freaks so much. shut up about politics and go make me a little computer.

It’s probably good that car headlights can now be brighter than 7000 exploding suns, I’m probably wrong for not seeing the benefit. Sorry, I’ll do better.

Father, it has been 46 years since my last confession. Actually this is my first confession. Yes, well it was so cold today that my dog took a titanium sized shit and I couldn’t wait to feel how warm it was when I picked it up

I want to hear of Musk being swatted out of existence for the same reason I smash at my alarm clock on a Saturday

I honestly think we are experiencing the end of the internet as those of us born in the 20th c understand it. Smaller, siloed communities like discord servers and newsletters will persist, but the idea of the global public square is dead, as is “the information superhighway.” VCs killed it.

The nice thing about being a bit neurotic is that it’s never as bad as you think it’s gonna be… except for that one time when it’s definitely gonna be worse