*sneaking into my nemesis’s house in the middle of the night with a centrifuge to re-separate their adams peanut butter*

impeach him just for this

Tonight I talked to a high school friend I haven’t spoken to in about 25 years, and it was surprisingly fun

Reminder: The next time we get the chance to take down Confederate statues and monuments, they need to be burned or melted so that they can never be put back up.

"a device we don't recognize was just used" enough. you're my bank i dont have to tell you about all my devices. i got gadgets you never heard of. i got a palm pilot in a drawer somewhere. what you know about that one money boys

I’ve been lazing around in my apartment for the last few days, recovering from surgery, but today I actually went outside *twice* and I seem to be pretty ok

ABNORMAL

This first appeared on Twitter in January 2021 & I've linked to the original post by the maker of the video, but I've since found it on Tumblr if you want to give credit/thanks to the person who made it (& don't want to go to the bad place). www.tumblr.com/wellsbering/...

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

I want a t-shirt that says "Ned Ludd Was Right"

Adding to this thread: it’s a common mistake (I’ve made it myself, many times) to think of the motivations of the capitalist elites as essentially mercantilist: that is, that they are largely still motivated *entirely* by profit and loss, selling product, etc. This has not been true for a while.

Literally weeping this basic shit is what governance was always supposed to be and we have become so used to corporate corruption and theft that the most basic concept of "making people do the things they are legally obligated to do" seems revolutionary

Every time I’ve gone to the bathroom since surgery, I’ve been peeing BRIGHT BLUE from the dye they injected.

For anyone following along at home, I’m out of surgery, a little less symmetrical and hopefully a lot less cancerous

i follow so many hot people h anging o n by a t hread

sister Dot doodles

hey babe what’s wrong, you haven’t asked about the green ribbon I wear around my neck as of late

WHATS UP YOU WET MOTHERFUCKERS

my latest books cartoon for @theguardian.com

archaeologists have unearthed what many are calling "the most metal shit anyone's ever seen"

If you ranked the 1000 most corrupt things ever done by an executive branch official in the history of the United States something like 950 of them would have happened since Jan 20 2025.

And I just confirmed an appointment with Nuclear Medicine, and I’m hoping they’ll give me at least a minor superpower

They inserted a little RFID chip where the cancer is, so I guess if I get lost before surgery you can take me to any veterinarian’s office to help me find my home

I have to go get stabbed with more needles in the morning, and I think instead of having to be polite and cooperative I should be allowed to fight back

I only have to write invoices for two more clients, I can do this

Here’s my hot take. “White Collar Crime” deserves longer sentences than “violent crime”, because the harms usually affect more people, and the offenders are MUCH more likely to to do it again. (We also need much better prisons, not hellholes, but gentle sequestration and re-education)

I was like, that's it. that's it exactly. that's why I hate means testing. that's why I hate moralizing about access to medical care or what if that homeless guy just spends this money on drugs. we shouldn't help people because of who THEY are, we should do it because of who WE are. it's so simple

if i was going to give a college commencement speech i would make sure to start with something the students could rally behind. something like "we will mechanically suck the youth from your bones to feed a mechanical eschaton, which my generation will use to climb heaven and become new gods"

Remember when I thought I’d knock out all my checkups and screenings and be done seeing doctors for the year? Those were the days

completely absurd that this is not always treated as a serious crime, there’s no functional difference between it and someone taking money out of the cash register at work except that one is committed by the boss class

It’s not hard to *do* my job amidst the various medical crises, exactly; the hard part seems to be convincing myself to give a shit about work stuff

What chores do I need to do before having surgery Thursday to make future-me’s life easier? I have: -Laundry -Catching up on bookkeeping -Clearing out the fridge and restocking perishables

OKAY FINE here's a star nosed mole

Got my surgery scheduled, and I’m really hoping that once that’s done people will stop stabbing me in the boob every other minute

When I feel hopeless, I never feel angry, I feel sad. When I'm angry I know something can and should be better. I've dragged myself out of feeling hopeless more times than I can remember by getting pissed about it.

right? the computer is all CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD YOU MUST CHANGE IT EVERY MONTH IT SHOULD HAVE SIXTEEN DIGITS AND SEVEN SPECIAL CHARACTERS OH WHOOPS SOMEONE IN UZBEKISTAN JUST STOLE OUR WHOLE DATABASE CHANGE IT AGAIN AND THIS TIME USE NINE SPECIAL CHARACTERS

LIKE WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE TO PRETEND TO HAVE SECURE PASSWORDS WHEN OUR PASSWORDS ARE NEVER CRACKED THEY'RE JUST SOLD THE DARK WEB BY SOME GUY WHO WATCHES US SLEEP THRU OUR TVS

Old MacDonald is dying and the new struggles to be born. Now is the time of monsters, e-i-e-i-oh

A work friend called to ask me how work was going in the fed courts (fine, I’m starting to figure things out a little) and then he made the mistake of asking how I was doing otherwise soooooooooo I caught him up

It’s Rook’s birthday Monday, and I’d like them not to spend it hungry. Can we help them buy some perishables and other diabetic-friendly food?

‼️ * repeats Steve for emphasis * JUDGES CAN REJECT TRUMP'S SHAM SETTLEMENTS

I’m so relieved this protag’s made-up backstory she invented to impress the guy in their meet-cute was busted in chapter 3 and they didn’t try to drag it out through the whole book!

dear internet everything: unless I say otherwise I would like to remain signed in for, in fact, the rest of my life

"No One Likes Torturing The Omelas Kid But The Anti-Torturing Activists Were Mean To Me Online Once So Who Is The Real Monster?" my latest for the Atlantic

I wrote a book that’s actually helped people with food aversions, by recommending acceptance, with guidelines I created as a food averse Autistic classically trained chef with a background as a former clinician and stages of change specialist, and it’s like yelling into an ignorant storm.

I would really love for things to be uneventful for a while. I dream of being terribly bored by the total lack of things happening

I just ate an emotional support almond croissant, and it was very effective