Trying to write a polite letter to my neighbor about the noise but I’m too good a writer. “Sometimes it feels like I spend my entire life listening to you living yours.” Too much pathos.

according to the research, the ideal website would have no users whatsoever. users are bad and should be discouraged. it’s a tough pill to swallow, but this is simply what the data tells us

actually the fact that every piece of software now is an entire massive bloated web browser is great for my development environment (i am trying to get my computer to overheat so much it explodes and takes me with it)

We should remember part of humanity is also generating complete nonsense. I'd like to see AI wake up at 1am with a vision of a sitcom about Dracula who has two pomeranians, one liberal and one conservative, with a theme song that includes the lyric "it's a two cup teacup politics dust up."

had a dream that a raven had taken a liking to me and started following me around .. nobody who knows about omens or symbols tells me what that means

just realized soemthing huge……… this is it. this changes everythingg

no, no, she was talking about the soft animal of someone else’s body i’m pretty sure. yeah so actually i do have to be good, and i do have to walk on my knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. like me specifically. she told me that

me: here is the feature i just made them: how did you do it so fast? did you use ai??? me: *did not use ai but also wants to keep my job* i used ai….. the normal amount

Here's the thing about Bluesky vs other platforms: *10 to 15 hours of static white noise as your brain converts into liquid because the computer is evil and always has been* Got it hot shot?!?

when u make me do 2 factor auth…….. every tiem ….. it is a Wound upon my soul….. do not make me….. please i am jsut innocent little guy

hi sharks i’m here today seeking $47 million for a 2% stake in my invention “tater tots that kill you”

liberal walking into the car dealership: i want the second shittiest car you have. i will buy it for literally any price

🎶 welcome to the hotel Normal Hotel 🎶 checkout with the clerk 🎶 that's how hotels work 🎶 plenty of room at the hotel Normal Hotel 🎶 we won't keep you here 🎶 that's a crazy fear

remember: you don’t have to work harder at your job to show that you’re better than ai the smart play is to talk up ai as much as possible, do a buncha shit work that makes more work for other people, && spend more time playing minesweeper in the shitter rock and roll baby let’s go

AI tooling is an absolute productivity gamechanger for me! I used to waste so much time waiting for my enemies to paint elaborate, realistic murals on the sides of buildings. Now I that I can automate all that, I am free to focus on my true passion: running directly into concrete walls at top speed.

Wrote something really short in preparation to hopefully start sharing more work. Please read Mouseflict. alejandrokolleeny.substack.com/p/mouseflict

wow i can’t believe i was finally learning to see the beauty in small moments and to experience the present and the self without fear, right as society was collapsing in stupider ways than anyone had even considered previously. ahh well. next time, perhaps

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

✨✨daily affirmations✨✨ your hairdresser thinks that you’re funny. she likes your little jokes and stories. she thinks you have cool hobbies and a rich inner life. she appreciates your chill attitude about your hair. at no point did she think you were “”freaking out” or something

you don't have to go to therapy, you can just watch a tv show where the character goes to therapy—that counts

aging like fine iphone

*getting sworn in as the mayor with my hand on a copy of the DSM-5*

i will give you a one mmillion dollar if u come to my house and hit me over da head with a rubber mallet until i fall down asleep with liytle birds circling my head like a cartoon character

don't you spaghett about me

life hack: wanna save time and energy? try showering less! you may be wondering how that works. well it's like this: it doesn't matter if you shower or not. in fact, it doesn't matter if you do anything at all. that's because nothing matters. that's right folks—you're depressed.

alas, if only there were some way to use my platform (roughly 1000 disinterested accounts on a completely irrelevant microblogging platform) to do something actuall ly meaningful (personally lucrative morally bankrupt)

i have no idea what the movie forrest gump is about. not one single notion. it could have aliens in it. or santa claus. or full frontal nudity. maybe he buys a zoo. nobody tell me, it is important to my lore that i remain ignorant of thi

chopped unc implies the existence of a joined or united neph—such a being would be the epitome of cool

everything else aside, thank gosh i was born at a time when i can lie awake at midnight watching 7-year-old episodes of middling british panel tv shows in 45-second increments, rather than having to feel a single one of my feelings

this needs to get 15 likes so i can have enough dopamine to get me through the workday

had a dream last night i ate a hotdog and everyone in the dream was like, “wtf you’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years” and i was like, “yeah so? i can have one hotdog every 20 years who cares” and so i ate the hotdog and it tasted disgusting and it made me sick. that was the whole dream

that “posts more than 50 times in one day” label is wild…… buddy i do not have that many *thoughts* in one day r u kidding me?!!?

Goku can never have sex because of the power imbalance

*climbing out of a very dark hole carrying an absurdly large and ostentatious new electric guitar* well folks, i’m back!!

3:19am I believe in us. We will be okay. We will see communism in our lifetimes. I love you. 3:44am Burning all my paintings. My art is a waste I am sorry for wasting so much time I will never be good enough 4:31am if kirby swallowed a pirate he would be Scurby

I am personally trying to make this platform more toxic and hateful.

life hack: if you don’t have a therapist right now, you can just answer the phone the next time the sweetwater sales guy calls, and dive straight into it. jeremy is not allowed to hang up on you, you can just tell him everything

so it works like this. i DO NOT believe in god or any sort of higher power. but I DO believe that everything bad is my fault because god is punishing me for my Sins. got it?

i need better vices….. i should get addicted to like.. falling down the stairs or something. workaholic just isn’t cutting it imo

this emoji is completely psychotic 🤗 wtf is her problem..,, i am afraid for my life

You can either start a scam, work for scammers, or deport 5-year-olds. Those are the only 3 jobs now.

getting the shit kicked out of me while the Twin Peaks theme song plays

thinking of going on a downward spiral—anyone need anything from rock bottom?

they should invent a version of water that you actually want to drink

i am often ashamed of my Millenial Past but i was hanging with some gen-z pals last night and they fully lost their minds when i showed them pictures of me from like 2011. “YOU WERE BASICALLY ZOOEY DESCHANEL??!!??!” they were screaming. and sure, back then we all were. but they don’t know that.