🎶 welcome to the hotel Normal Hotel 🎶 checkout with the clerk 🎶 that's how hotels work 🎶 plenty of room at the hotel Normal Hotel 🎶 we won't keep you here 🎶 that's a crazy fear

remember: you don’t have to work harder at your job to show that you’re better than ai the smart play is to talk up ai as much as possible, do a buncha shit work that makes more work for other people, && spend more time playing minesweeper in the shitter rock and roll baby let’s go

i agree with the villagers that it’s terrible my golem sometimes kills people or drives them mad. it’s not supposed to do that. but i can’t just banish it. the king has a lot of gold invested in this project.

AI tooling is an absolute productivity gamechanger for me! I used to waste so much time waiting for my enemies to paint elaborate, realistic murals on the sides of buildings. Now I that I can automate all that, I am free to focus on my true passion: running directly into concrete walls at top speed.

Wrote something really short in preparation to hopefully start sharing more work. Please read Mouseflict. alejandrokolleeny.substack.com/p/mouseflict

wow i can’t believe i was finally learning to see the beauty in small moments and to experience the present and the self without fear, right as society was collapsing in stupider ways than anyone had even considered previously. ahh well. next time, perhaps

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

✨✨daily affirmations✨✨ your hairdresser thinks that you’re funny. she likes your little jokes and stories. she thinks you have cool hobbies and a rich inner life. she appreciates your chill attitude about your hair. at no point did she think you were “”freaking out” or something

you don't have to go to therapy, you can just watch a tv show where the character goes to therapy—that counts

aging like fine iphone

*getting sworn in as the mayor with my hand on a copy of the DSM-5*

i will give you a one mmillion dollar if u come to my house and hit me over da head with a rubber mallet until i fall down asleep with liytle birds circling my head like a cartoon character

don't you spaghett about me

life hack: wanna save time and energy? try showering less! you may be wondering how that works. well it's like this: it doesn't matter if you shower or not. in fact, it doesn't matter if you do anything at all. that's because nothing matters. that's right folks—you're depressed.

alas, if only there were some way to use my platform (roughly 1000 disinterested accounts on a completely irrelevant microblogging platform) to do something actuall ly meaningful (personally lucrative morally bankrupt)

i have no idea what the movie forrest gump is about. not one single notion. it could have aliens in it. or santa claus. or full frontal nudity. maybe he buys a zoo. nobody tell me, it is important to my lore that i remain ignorant of thi

chopped unc implies the existence of a joined or united neph—such a being would be the epitome of cool

everything else aside, thank gosh i was born at a time when i can lie awake at midnight watching 7-year-old episodes of middling british panel tv shows in 45-second increments, rather than having to feel a single one of my feelings

this needs to get 15 likes so i can have enough dopamine to get me through the workday

had a dream last night i ate a hotdog and everyone in the dream was like, “wtf you’ve been a vegetarian for 20 years” and i was like, “yeah so? i can have one hotdog every 20 years who cares” and so i ate the hotdog and it tasted disgusting and it made me sick. that was the whole dream

that “posts more than 50 times in one day” label is wild…… buddy i do not have that many *thoughts* in one day r u kidding me?!!?

Goku can never have sex because of the power imbalance

*climbing out of a very dark hole carrying an absurdly large and ostentatious new electric guitar* well folks, i’m back!!

3:19am I believe in us. We will be okay. We will see communism in our lifetimes. I love you. 3:44am Burning all my paintings. My art is a waste I am sorry for wasting so much time I will never be good enough 4:31am if kirby swallowed a pirate he would be Scurby

I am personally trying to make this platform more toxic and hateful.

hey don’t bother the shrouded woman with the lantern who walks by the river at night she’s chill

life hack: if you don’t have a therapist right now, you can just answer the phone the next time the sweetwater sales guy calls, and dive straight into it. jeremy is not allowed to hang up on you, you can just tell him everything

so it works like this. i DO NOT believe in god or any sort of higher power. but I DO believe that everything bad is my fault because god is punishing me for my Sins. got it?

i need better vices….. i should get addicted to like.. falling down the stairs or something. workaholic just isn’t cutting it imo

this emoji is completely psychotic 🤗 wtf is her problem..,, i am afraid for my life

You can either start a scam, work for scammers, or deport 5-year-olds. Those are the only 3 jobs now.

getting the shit kicked out of me while the Twin Peaks theme song plays

thinking of going on a downward spiral—anyone need anything from rock bottom?

they should invent a version of water that you actually want to drink

i am often ashamed of my Millenial Past but i was hanging with some gen-z pals last night and they fully lost their minds when i showed them pictures of me from like 2011. “YOU WERE BASICALLY ZOOEY DESCHANEL??!!??!” they were screaming. and sure, back then we all were. but they don’t know that.

POLL: who would win? ⃝ the fragile beauty of the human spirit ⃝ t̴h̵e̸̢̟̮̚ ̶̙̰͑̀̌h̷̘̙̪̝̝͉̆o̷̯͔̩̯̫̳͑͑̈r̵̡̨̹̙͕̮͉̭̋̅̚̚r̵̨̠̓̈́̃̚o̷̙̭͎̫̲͜͠ṟ̷̻̝̎̀s̴̢̜͇͕̦̫͕͔̍̋͋̋̂́

shout out to all the folks who are holding it together “surprisingly well” this fine wednesday. you’re all doing great, sorta

these should all be mass-produced. every single one.

they will try to make you login to the toilet but the people only want to put a log into the toilet

[after every single pitch] that’s baseball for ya

men will say they like radiohead, but then they don’t like it when i am a creep???

people in the row in front of you on airplanes love to be watching the fakest-looking marvel movies imaginable

forum wars took over the government. the 10,000-page thread spilled out into the streets. people are getting their doors blown open and hogtied so that nerds can win an online argument. they tanked the dollar and fucked the economy permanently to own you

no rule on the books that says you can’t do an improv routine at quaker meeting

confident that if they could, cats would smoke cigarettes

getting "the surgery" (98 additional legs)

must suck to be a elephant seal. you get your heart broken by some loser, and your friends wanna know what he looked like, and then you gotta show them a picture and he looks like this