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Me, wondering who the **fuck** is emailing me at 12:06am immediately after forwarding something to myself.

Happy birthday to the Soviet linguist Yuri Knorozov who casually deciphered the Mayan script in 1952 and got pissed when editors removed his cat as co-author on papers or cropped her out of his author headshot (the only picture of himself he even liked)

How can we worry about such nonsense when there are starving children in Lake Titicaca

Me, remembering to take Advil

I entirely forgot that I made this anti-ASMR video (Sound warning headphones users)

Low-key proud to be from the Lehigh Valley, thanks to this IRL shitpost

Why is every lamp ugly? I just want to buy a floor lamp. Every single one of them is boring. I can’t justify spending $50 on something hideous that I’m going to have to look at all the time. Do I just not like floor lamps? Is something wrong with me?

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that an influencer in possession of a modicum of clout, must be in want of a Fortnite collab.

I cackled

Me: "Hey everybody, it's Clippy!" Clippy, smoking a cigarette: "Come on. We're going to redo your Holiday Scavenger Hunt with Copilot." Me: "What?" Clippy: "Just get in the fucking car."

Thinking about Yakuman DS and one of the most relatable characters in all of video games again

Me except it’s a space heater and I’m sitting in my bedroom selling car insurance instead of camping.

I am singing the theme song but you can’t hear it

Babe wake up, new migraine inducer just dropped

steam machine de la abuela

It’s a shame that GTA VI has been delayed but I’m excited by Rockstar’s promise that the extra time will allow them to give all the pedestrians in the game “a rich inner life” and “the capacity to actually experience pain”

This is really hard!! I’ve had a Vectrex and an Ngage and a Famicombox and a Mega Jet and a Game Boy Light.. so I think my only ones are the Apple Pippin and the Fairchild Channel F? Pretty sure I messed with an FM Towns once but I’m not 100% sure.

Oh, that’s nice!

I kept my markers in the red one. My “omg favorite Only my BFF can borrow this” color was Hot Magenta, but I mispronounced it as Hot Magnetta.

Show me your kitten.

Humans: capable of building entire skyscrapers but still afraid to put the scary number on one of the floors

consumer spending sentiment is at the lowest since both 2008 and 2020. did something bad happen in both those periods

110% accurate

dawg they’re live laugh loving the white house. president homegoods

28g (1oz) uranium contains ~20,000,000,000 kcal, making it an incredibly cost effective source of calories

My favorite PS2 memory: having enough money to buy/fix a new-ish Disc Read Error PS2, but too broke to get a memory card. We played the first 3 missions of GTA3 endlessly. “I know a place in the red light district where we can lay low, but my hands are all messed up so you gotta drive, brother”

Okay, I like sports now.

This is what the internet is for

When I grow up, I want to be a bodega cat

Today’s question: Who traumatized you about paper towels? When I tear off a paper towel without a good reason, my mom’s ghost hisses at me.

My eyes are sweaty. I should go to bed. But I’m having such a good Dr Mario run. I’m working on getting from level 1-20 with no interruption on Medium. It’s friggin haaaard!!!

I’ll take three

Was trying to remember the name of the road where a friend of mine from high school lived. Googled it and found his obituary instead. Well, shit. He dated my bestie. He’s the reason I got cried on at prom. He went off to smoke weed in the forest with his boys and didn’t invite her.

dude I'm getting ads to have a witch blast off my dick

Is it ableist to be disappointed that my spider donut has no legs?

white house has joined bluesky click here to block all official us government accounts instantly bsky.app/profile/did:...

I can't recall where this originated but I'll never ever stop laughing at it.

You gently run your hand through the rack. You can feel it—pure cotton, rich wool, Irish linen. The plump buttonholes are handsewn; the buttons attached with a firm shank. You flip the price tag over. It's affordable You buy the jacket and go home, which is only 15 mins away. Your apt is $600/month

I’ve never liked Will Smith. We have the same birthday. This is largely irrelevant.

Sexy Invaders for the Famicom Disksystem is actually a really fun game. Unfortunately, the prize is a woman with hip dysplasia (?) but hey, that’s disability representation you don’t expect in a titty game from 1987.

Today I learned that communion wafers are usually vegan.

Our internet isn’t working and I may perish.

Omg, the movie theater of my youth! I saw Angels in the Outfield here, lol. That was a dollar well spent.

I was born into an Intellivision/C64 household, but C64 has better gifs, so that’s my choice.