Put me in a tux and Id look like a fat penguin.

I don’t need someone to fix me. I need someone to tell me I looked cool after I embarrassed myself

AF Major Jason Watson. I see you. I agree with you. And I support you. #freejasonwatson

Happy Canada day to all my Canuck friends!!! You peoples are awesome!

Now I have to go build total off grid infrastructure for my house before the data centers get built . . . All so you fuckers can have AI make you more cartoon meme's and cat karate videos.

Cake is food and is thus eligible for consumption in any meal or snack setting.

Some of you never experienced the taste of Aqua Net, and it shows.

A.I. dystopia draws nearer by the day

I'm pretty weird, so I think I know what I'm talking about if I say you're weird.

I wish I could learn the art of not giving a fuck.

I got so much done today, it was terrible

Some people really suck

Can someone please find Marty and Doc to go back to 2018 and fix this? I'm sick of living in the Biff has the Almanac timeline.

they have overdeveloped most of my old amok running places

If you yell profanities at spam callers they will threaten to hang up and not call you anymore

I need to soak my brain in coffee.

"Alpha" men don't watch women's rights be taken away and do nothing. Those men, are called little bitches.

First off . . . Stop bitching about it and start doing something about it

The idea of moving to a European country just to get better healthcare that wont bankrupt me becomes more and more of a realistic consideration every day.

Lets invent a politician bracelet with a built in Polygraph. Any time a politician lies, the bracelet tases them with 50,000 volts This would make watching the debates way more fun

Show me a more blatant outright scam than airport parking. I'll wait . . .

Motherfucker can't even win a war against algae.

You're not doing it right unless you piss off your family by being yourself.

Kash Patel's made up attack that the FBI supposedly stopped before the White House UFC shitshow sounds a little too Call of Duty ish

AI is a bubble, and a crash is coming

they said “do what you love” so I went back to bed

Don't forget that long before Trump and his circus of idiots became a thing, this country allowed people to sue McDonalds because their coffee was hot.

Real men cook, clean, and share the household chores and duties. Weak little bitches think it's all someone else's job.

A pound of ground beef should not be higher than the federal minimum wage

There are people in this world who spend their days planting hundreds of trees just to make this planet a better place. We need much more of that shit!

Dunning - Kruger is real Statistically speaking someone in your family has it If you cannot think of anyone in your family, its you

Let me help out all the voters out there. Millionaires and Billionaires only care about one thing, more money and power for themselves. And they will happily lie, cheat and steal to get it.

Current circumstances exceed the functional limits of my medication

Stop. You had me at free coffee and donuts

Only in America are people who believe that a groundhog forecasts the weather allowed to vote.

Quality is so rare these days.

“I’ve heard so much about you “ -me forgetting someone’s name immediately

For the next presidential false flag event, I give you UFC on the White House lawn

You know that you have reached old age when you use scissors to open the tater chip bag instead of just pulling it apart at the top.

Things that are so overpriced its criminal, and have been that way for years. 1. Airport parking 2. Movie theater snacks 3. Bottled water 4. Printer ink 5. Gas/Diesel

I could never be an influencer. Just being a regular bad influence is already too much work

Every night before bed I go out on the deck and look to the sky and ask . . . Where fuck are the aliens who are supposed to come take our leaders???

The male loneliness epidemic is just a bunch of fragile men who cannot get any dates because they are ignorant assholes who only want to control women like a possession instead of having an equal partner I said what I said

There is no rule that says I cannot be civilized and feral at the same time So, watch your tone

Our personal data is being breeched on a regular basis, we’ve all been fraud victims. At what point do we accept that digitizing and centralizing so much information was a bad idea?

Ewww . . . People

Used to be when you said "something Tumps something else", it meant it was better. Now if you say that, it means it ruined it

Hospital systems are replacing doctors with PAC's in an effort to save money. If we all start refusing to see PAC's and demanding to see doctors, then we will end up with a staff of doctors and not PAC's.

If they want to take ivermectin this time, don’t try to stop them.