*meredith brooks voice* im a mitch im mcconnell i help trump comma donald ive a turtle for a head im probably really dead

Is this guy bothering you Ms Qualley?

Sorry that goal can't count, Argentina had a tackle in the first half that didn't get very much of the ball in hindsight

Thank god I'm a lifelong Egypt fan instead of any of the dogass host nations

If I wanted to see my country humiliated in front of the rest of the world I would simply read the news

So we all agree this is Trump's fault, right?

Mere minutes away from Ronaldo going back into his coffin for another year

Huh strange I found another FIFA bylaw that says if you've ever sincerely used the word "sportsball" you're not allowed to weigh in on World Cup discourse. I know, it's disappointing for me too but I know how much you all love following the rules so maybe just watch a few eps of Parks & Rec instead

Balogun should score 4 goals tonight because that will make the scolds who don't know ball so upset they'll go back to not paying attention.

Mexico played a Florida-ass World Cup. Never left the state, lost the first game they played against real competition.

Letting Folarin Balogun play isn't good enough, I expect FIFA to suspend Kevin De Bruyne for no reason whatsoever too 🫵🇺🇸

“No explanation has been provided!” 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

I take everything I've said about FIFA back, their corruption is fine. Good, even. A net benefit to society, like shoplifting.

It's so annoying that he gets to die doing what he loved most

fireworks don’t scare me at all, just another way I’m better than both veterans and dogs

Sir I think you should do it under the tallest flagpole they can find just to trigger the America hating libs who said you were too afraid to give a 4 hour speech today 🇱🇷

No fireworks are illegal on stolen land

Today is HER day 😤

Guy in front of me in a Marines hat just stood up to salute the boy scouts in the parade

Happy 4th of July

Something Borrowed

ARE YOU SHITTING ME CABO VERDE AHHHHHJSDLFHSALDJFFHASLJFH

When I was out to lunch today I saw a family of Savannah Banana full kit wankers

I briefly worked at quiznos and people would come in just to tell us they didn't like these commercials and then leave without buying anything

Imma be real with you, Mitch is the most dead anyone has ever been. They got a bunch of overcooked nathan's hot dogs hooked up to an IV bag in there.

first ethical millionaire

the "how dare you root for the USMNT" scold made think of a totally pointless but sort of funny intellectual exercise in finding the Least Problematic Team. rooting for Cape Verde, but also shaking my head solemnly periodically to let people know I do NOT approve of their period of one party rule.

☑️ No work ☑️ nice day ☑️World Cup ☑️3 lunch beers ☑️ never kill yourself

most irritating part of "how can you root for the US did you know we are bad" is why the fuck do you think I got here without thinking about all this and coming to my own peace with it why do I have to be in the slow lane with you, ever you missed this meeting I'm not giving you my notes

Dont want to be all "r/MilennialNostalgia" but this piece of shit was a Hit for a reason. You don't understand how fucking stoked we were as kids to be able to see these novel near-photoreal depictions of all of our great cities and landmarks getting blown away. President Xi we've always been ready

Not how sports work + obvious engagement bait + L + ratio + literally canadian

Mitch McConnell getting shipped off to hell

if I were an elected representative and my constituents were coming up and saying "our daughter can't go to college unless she gets an athletic scholarship" I would be like "this is why we need universal free college" not "we'll pretend to solve this by being cruel to trans people." crazy right

seeing Americans do cool looking elite tier stuff in a high stakes international soccer game is like watching a gorilla drive a car

There have been maybe 4 or 5 times I've laughed so hard at a movie I actually got scared that I was going to pass out and 3 of those times were from watching Jackass

-functionally identical to blaming a black kid for your child not going to Harvard -are trans kids not deserving of scholarships? -if your only plan for college is "good at sports" then sorry but you're very stupid -completely made up problem, 0.0019% of college athletes are trans

USA: lol if you go to Wisconsin they call drinking fountains "bubblers" UK: Aye in Derbyshire they call it a cobbledock, but here in Merseyside that's a blormp

Boggles the mind that the entire world saw ICE execute defenseless people in the street and somehow there are still sitting Democrats who have a wide open flank on abolishing the agency

Mexico fans are doing the bad chant on goal kicks again and FIFA absolutely refuses to do anything about it since they're a host nation. Happy Pride from Gianni Infantino I guess 🏳️‍🌈

www.nytimes.com/athletic/740... If the USA goes to penalties in the knockout stage we're a lock to lose after taking some of the worst PKs ever seen lmao 🔒

I stopped practicing Catholicism basically the very day i moved out of my parents' house and left for college but this disgusting worm casually committing heresy on a daily basis has me ready to bring the inquisitions back

The trans sports ban are almost completely an invention of the media, conservative and mainstream. it has been years of lies, of shoddy fact checking on just completely false conservative claims, years of phony concern trolling.

Trans rights are human rights and there's not much I can legally say about what we should do with judges who infringe on that, so instead I'll just say that you're not alone because together we're make the villains eat shit

Honestly a major part of any democratic nominee's platform in 2028 needs to be throwing multiple supreme court justices in prison

weeping, throwing up, imagining someone [redacted]: "oh is there a SCOTUSball on?"

As soon as a West Ham player stepped up to the penalty spot for Netherlands it was over. You might as well have put the game on James Harden's back at that point.

Oh is beating Paraguay hard?