Lucasfilm merchandising exec: Did you finish that casting of the Rancor from Return of the Jedi Sculptor: Sure did boss, real fuckin sexy just like you asked

why this palm got me ready to risk it all

seeing Americans do cool looking elite tier stuff in a high stakes international soccer game is like watching a gorilla drive a car

look I don’t know this guy but “the grind” is the thing. creativity is creating. no writer wants to not write, no editor wants to not edit, no camera operator wants to not shoot. we want to not do the spreadsheet and email bullshit metawork. how bout you accelerate/automate that

Begging TV writers doing shows set in America 30+ years ago to stop having characters say “for fuck’s sake.” We didn’t truck with that British shit until 9/11 weakened our resolve

Real New Yorkers call Babe Ruth this when we are ordering a chopped cheese from the bodega

i was interviewed by the freakin’ grey lady

wordle in 1: haha fun ;) 2: im da king of da dictionary 3: well, “genius” implies a lack of study 4: the (((New York Times))) has cheated me 5: better off dead 6: im da king of da dictionary

back in ‘95 on the AOL Star Wars message boards a guy with username BlimpDick posted that when Luke got pulled into the trash water he looked up Leia’s skirt

UX-10 hive rise up. We are legion

when the leitmotif of my longtime foe begins to echo in the distance? that’s when I be on my “here we go again” type shit

ladies, when a fella walks in the club and he got a traditional basalt molcajete full of guacamole (YES it got the toasted pepitas on top) wyd???

misspelled it as “TimTok” in a presentation last week and the client wants to know why we haven’t activated #TimHive. I stammered “well, you don’t want to piss off JeffTok” but that only piqued their desire

found this old photo of my mom while cleaning out her house. rip Mother you were a serve and a slay

reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, this shit goes crazy

Sex garden to ‘break taboos’ at Chelsea flower show as gnome ban ends

actually I’m picking the dinner with Jay-Z. I’d rather open doors

ah thanks boss for ending our check-in early and giving me seven minutes back. might fuck around and write a sonnet that makes the angels question their nature before our team stand-up

Scheduling daylight savings on international women’s day so that we lose an hour of female respecting time 😒

/r/thriftygifting /u/3footlocks what should I (29) get my husband (32) for Christmas? We don’t have a lot of money and he already has a beautiful gold pocket watch UPDATE: thanks for the advice, found a buyer for my hair! so excited for DH to unwrap his watch chain UPDATE 2: fuck you guys

just got back from my Shark Tank pitch for Cacao Gummies. it was going great until the guy from Marty Supreme destroyed the (very clever!) portmanteau I came up with for a brand name

just moved to a desolate and forbidding moor and honestly it’s really chill. I’d love to see this ever-present fog try to envelop me in madness

dawg I hate to tell you this but…ya girl Morfryd furnished me with a clothbound ration of provisions for my journey north. no, nothing kingly, but it was nourishing as hell. well I think the horse was her dad’s but. yeah it’s a piebald gelding

A bluesky highbie tried to put me in a starter pack once

When eating chips out of the bag, one must continue until one surfaces the Goated Morsel, possessed of the the crunch, the heft to sate the hardiest treatman. And if the Goated Morsel never comes? So be it. We stay snacking

"sloptimization" on my woty candidates to watch list

This is good, you should read it

New writing up at Welcome To Hell World! I went to a pop-up art exhibition that inspired a piece on the tech-enabled, emotionally blunted cultural “movement” I call Sloptimization: www.welcometohellworld.com/its-cozy-in-...

few things more satisfying to me than a seamless, efficient trip from the airport on public transportation. It’s possible and it’s good for the soul

pondering life’s mystery, its glittering complexity (imagining Juliette Binoche pronouncing the word “squirrel”)

The Last Jedi is the only post-Lucas Star Wars release with a credible claim on being Art in addition to Product, and the only one we will ever get

Barbara Stanwyck, The Only Allowable Republican

this has “charlie brown had hoes” energy. No you don’t Justin. You don’t believe that

restaurants that claim “homemade seasonal preserves” but don’t cook the fruit to a high enough temperature to activate the damn pectin, YOU 🫵🏻 are the “Oaf of the Day”

9/11 equaling 0.81818181!!!!! instead of it being 9/11

I love to join a zoom meeting to introduce myself as the bridge between Sales and our Client Success team before checking DraftKings for 45 minutes. I make $375,000 a year

her: hey me: (desperately trying not to send her the poster for Nicholas Nickleby (2002)) hey her: my roommate’s visiting her sister me:

Tried some malört. It’s normal don’t be a baby

you summon one (1) eldritch horror, all-seeing and unblinking

I’ve been calling around and listening closely and you know what? I don’t think anyone’s menu options have “recently changed.” it’s all a smokescreen

One of Mandani’s videos made me believe the subway car was really coming at me and that’s why I’m leaving New York for a fortified compound outside Greensboro North Carolina

here’s the first time anyone will ever associate me with the concept of a “Good Poster”

Pellegrino is designed for fey Europeans to drink at room temperature. If you handed an average Italian a crispy cold Topo Chico you’d be arrested

my first thought was not “actors thrust into a life or death situation” but “Amy Klobuchar blackface”

got a life-changing job interview coming up and my mom suggested I make an AI-generated video of two celebrities as babies discussing why I’m the man for the job

Jacksoff Pollock Fish Breeders since 1922

Igor Stravinsky your heart too big. Your themes too different. Your double-reed orchestrations too sensitive. Too much Parisian pedagogical wisdom. Your mid-century modern LA house too sick. They’ll kill you

The “peaceful protest” thing reminds me of a brand client who said “we want this campaign to be a ‘positive protest’ against the status quo.” When we told them you only protest when things are bad they said “but what if you were just playfully angry?” You can find their organic tampons at Erewhon

wake up babe new asparagus just dropped