Finishing all my speeches to the Senate with "Home Office delenda est"

Working From Work™ today and this morning I ordered a breakfast roll and latte, took the latte to a table to wait for the roll, got the roll from the counter, and when I got to work realised the latte was still on the table. It's taken me this long to be able to talk about it

It's time to talk to you about my cat.

Sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing's happened to him, I just don't like hearing about him.

bluesky wrapped but it is just a wikipedia article explaining the prevalence of the three cue reading system in american schools and how it rendered 20% of their entire population functionally illiterate

I should throw my phone in this stream/off this bridge onto the busy road (I love this one, it's so relatively benign)

A Christmas song every day in December until I forget, and frankly I'm already doing well to reach 4. It's groove time. youtu.be/wmBlQllspVQ?...

Hey Wes, I can save you the trouble. The reason a lot of people are struggling with their mental health in the UK is it fucking sucks here. Aside from usual late-stage capitalism stuff, everything that could be cool about living here has been systematically made worse by people like you, you cunt.

Someone who paid money to learn AI prompts is inevitably going to express an opinion to you and it’s very important you remember that once a person has paid money to learn AI prompts literally nothing they think, say, or do matters. I don’t think they should even be allowed to vote after that tbh.

My Spotify listening age is 0.00000000000000000000013 Oh no, wait, that’s how much they pay per stream.

I would like a red fruits type strudel for my Christmas meal, and I cannot be arsed making one myself. Which supermarket makes the best one? I do not think it is Tesco, given they only do an inexpensive frozen apple strudel.

I think less of you for using Spotify by the way

(•_•) <) )╯lickspittle / \ (•_•) \( (> tory / \ (•_•) <) )╯cunt / \

I'm December, and you're a Christmas song youtu.be/XJS9TjjHxx8?... You can say this is a Solstice song rather than a Christmas song, but 1) no 2) it's really good, I like it 3) it's on their Christmas album (although this version is slightly better) It's groove time

4. You see, the problem is this: History Reclaimed don’t know much about British colonialism. They’re not actually interested in it. They are a private company funded to prevent any truthful examination of the past that might challenge a right wing, white-centred version of the national story.

I hate these two. I hate what they represent. I hate their stupid grift and their terrible parenting. I hate how they look. I hate that they have impinged upon my awareness several times, enough that I vaguely know about and recognise them, ugh it's the fashy quiverfull glasses bastards again.

I cleaned up the Big Jam Spill, everyone please clap (Ok the pot is still soaking because I ran out of focus, but the cooker is nice and clean)

Important cooking tip: don't leave your jam and honey glaze unattended on a low heat unless you really like cleaning up jammy messes

I don’t need no pass on skeleton,,, I did them both,!!!

It is a beautiful autumn day in West Central Scotland friendos

You Only Live Twice is an Easter movie

Sold! To the beardy man who likes both curry and garlic. I'll be making this

The war on Venezuela isn’t about drugs, oil, or democracy The war on Venezuela is a war for the (((Narwhal Freemasons))). In this 30 tweet thread I will give a verbose cry for psychiatric care. Yes this is a subtweet.

Takes five minutes to put my Christmas decorations up. A big thing of white LEDs for the window, some lovely baubles my cooler and more talented friends made me that always make me smile, and I'm done. I'm still getting round to it.

I'm going to post every Christmas Song December forget etc I don't care about the tedious discourse, THIS is a Christmas song and you'll like it or we won't be friends It's groove time youtu.be/A-mMRZmUupw?...

i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse

AI attention farming online isn't just annoying slop, it can be actively dangerous. Luckily the lovely humans behind @walkhighlands.co.uk caught this dangerous 'advice' before it was posted

I'm going to post a Christmas song every day of December until I forget, so around day 5. It's groove time. Let's ease into it with some Al Green, from his Christmas album youtu.be/Guch9bjWfJM?...

Repeatedly asking the supermarket staff for a 'chocolate battle pass' and feigning misunderstanding when they ask if I mean 'advent calendar'

People will see things like this and do a little laugh and *still use this shit for their own tasks* somehow assuming it's not filling their own work with COAT BATH and HUGE WALK/GUEST SUITE

Fuck polymarket war bettor ghouls, I hope somehow every single one of them and polymarket itself lose money on this, and then they have an inexplicable sequence of statistically unlikely unpleasantnesses

I have made udon in a garlic broth with spinch and chilli garlic ginger gochujang pork. It's got a kick to it!

And another thing! I quite like "simply having a wonderful Christmas time"

Your annual reminder that the most revealing difference between Irish and Scottish Gaelic is definitely in the words for December: Mí na Nollag (Month of Christmas) in Ireland, and An Dubhlachd (the Blackness) in Scotland. So once again may I wish you all a lovely Blackness.

I do my own version of Whamageddon every day of the year, except it's not with a decent Christmas song by a good man; mine is an attempt to avoid the hateful, valueless anti-music of "the Streets", and any day I manage that is a good one.

Hyper local travel update: The stepping stones are a no go. Repeat, the stepping stones are a no go. Also the old railway bridge that was road closed for over a year has been entirely removed, can't go that way. However I've put some sit-mat round the barbed wire which should allow a short cut*

In case anyone has missed it this morning, there's a Very Large Duck. Repeat, there is a Very Large Duck.

In all seriousness, I have a guy for that. @billhookunion.beanyear.com handles all my knowing about beans and ensures I'm up to speed on exciting bean news.

Everyone knows St Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland & St George slew that dragon. So why isn’t it common knowledge that St Andrew punched a pterodactyl in the face? Happy St Andrew’s Day

Well I never! How coarse of me.

I believe the "your party drops Corbyn and Sultana as leaders" is actually Sultana getting what she wanted for the party and the Corbyn faction not getting what they wanted, but ha ha anyway

That's right, small girl on a sort of front seat thing on her dad's bike, this man does have a big beard

Found out last week that "your pictures of Scotland" was a thing when someone from the ramblers suggested submitting my photo; found out today that my dad checks it every week. My mum has taken a screenshot to show my auntie. Mum I already sent you that picture? www.bbc.com/news/article...

@edzitron.com is right and the Great Noticing is beginning. Which is bad because they means the Big Crash is coming soon and I like having a job

Rosenkrantz and Guildenstern, and now Tom Stoppard too

Just been reminded that this gin is really good, if you're looking for a Christmas present for someone who likes gin. They had a wee popup bar when I was in Ullapool a few summers back, but it's also nice in real life. rhidorrochdistillery.co.uk Caorunn is decent too, for £24 Tesco clubcard price

@profanity.accountant why don't you shit up my timeline too while you're at it, fuckstick

I love these videos. There is no chance I will ever do any of the things Croker does; I am not watching for hints and tips and parts numbers. I enjoy the pacing of them, and his New Zealand accent, and a man who knows obscure stuff sharing it. It's... meditative? youtu.be/T9BSkbxENXg?...

It's the only way