To be a historian is to speak ill of the dead and the rest of you should take more history classes and join us.

I'm always saying this

Reading The Name of the Rose for the first time and I can't tell whether I'm *supposed* to be reading it with the book in one hand and Google translate in the other or if I'm just supposed to know Latin first

When you think about it, it's kind of wild that the MTV movie awards made a parody crossover of United 93 and 300 only eight years after 9/11

Jim Croce is the first that comes to mind, followed by the Eagles.

Remember not to use 2 in 1, you should have separate units for air shampoo and air conditioner.

Will Avatar 3 make sense if I just read a summary of Way of Water? (You might be asking: why not just watch #2 first? Well, I have a whale phobia and many of those creatures are pretty damn whale-shaped lol)

I told my kids to let me use the restroom in peace so they just...waited for me...

people reading Dante’s Inferno in 1321

can’t believe a narcissist is being so publicly humiliated by a reflecting pool

Are you actually self-aware or do you just relate a little too strongly to pop lyrics?

lord grantham would’ve bought real estate in the metaverse

I ain’t afraid of no ghosts I’m afraid of one or more ghosts

one must imagine sisyphus cleaning the reflecting pool

If I ever go missing just know all I'm really after is validation on a true crime documentary that I "lit up a room" or I "would give a stranger the shirt off my back."

A long time ago in a galaxy far away I used to do Austen Mashups on Tw*tter and then Bluesky and since social media is a fickle mistress I've decided to move these to my own domain, so please enjoy a new edition of Jane Austen characters × The Office. www.amy-colleen.com/p/michael-sc...

Journalists have a duty to tell the public that the president and his aides are seriously considering suspending habeas corpus *when it is happening* rather than saving it for a book rollout over a year later

I was reading the other day about the difference between intrusive and impulsive thoughts (most people have impulsive thoughts and they're usually triggered by something like standing in a high place, for ex) and I gotta ask: what are your oddest impulsive thoughts?

Me: I don't know who would be stupid enough to use the animal version of ivermectin for COVID Also me: dang it I'm almost out of my horse gel

What was it like when orbs entered the discussion of supernatural sightings? "I saw the prophet Samuel conjured up by the witch of Endor." "I saw the tormented spirit of my royal father, begging me to avenge his murder most foul." "I saw an incandescent cantaloupe... and I believe it to be an Omen"

the sexual tension between pretending i never saw a post and wanting to reply

It's actually a shame that Scary Movie 3 was the first movie I watched in the Scary Movie franchise because it set incredibly unrealistic expectations for all of the other ones (even the two before it)

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy

Me when people are discoursing about Yesteryear:

I'm so blown away by my daughter's artistic abilities but also, I have never in any way taught her to play violin.

People named Phyllis don't want you to know this but it's actually just a nickname, their full name is Syphilis

the National Aviary absolutely hates to see me coming

Kenny Paxton? The pedo pardoner?

Once again, a seminary student knows more than Ken Paxton. 🤷🏼‍♀️ God does use predominantly (but not exclusively) masculine pronouns/imagery but is NOT male*, or else women couldn't be made in His image. Saying He's NB isn't *wrong*, sorry Paxton. (*God the Son is specifically male though)

I've specifically asked my husband NOT to eat the plums I have in the icebox (in text, no less!) because I'm saving it for breakfast. Now he has no excuse.

I think the most stereotypically white thing about me might be how many times I mutter "Jeez Louise!" to myself in lieu of any actual swear

100% they chose early November so that a yinzer could say "careful, it's slippy ahtside/dahntahn"

they should make a reverse food truck that drives up to my kitchen window instead

I think my daughter thinks Blippi died for our sins

My car has had a bike rack on it for about three years now, we're just really really into biking* *I lost the key to remove it

This is a big criticism of mine (but not the only one), and I see lots of replies say "but that's the point! It's meant to be vague!" and it just rings so hollow. The author wants to portray the interiority of these women and the MC never once worries whether she's going to hell over something? Nah.

Today at his birthday party my son received a wonderful handmade card from a friend who is learning to write. Drawing on 1 Corinthians 13 (recently memorized in church), it read, "Lov is kind. It dos not n v. It is not erogant or rood. I AM SERIUZ." 10/10, no notes, updating email signature now.

My student told me he ran his paper through an AI checker to see if it would get flagged even though he wrote it, and it offered to “humanize” his paper by changing the sentence, “Illicit cocaine use is responsible for many potential adverse cardiovascular events” to “Cocaine is a bad, bad drug”

The venn diagram of people who are afraid of immigrants taking their jobs and the number of people who say we should suck it up when AI takes our jobs is pretty much a perfect circle

"He wants feminists like me to get angry with his most outlandish proposals, making ourselves look like scolds or Chicken Littles in the process." This was literally the playbook for denying Project 2025, and it worked. 🙃 Thankfully the author isn't falling for it with smuggy Dougy

Just completed "the Zitron Challenge" (ranting to my family about why AI is a bubble) and loved it

One of my biggest gripes with social media is how many people walk into my living room with a turd in the hand going, "Oh my god have you seen this turd?!"

Based on this it's gotta be something by, like, Spice Girls or Backstreet Boys. Maybe "Mmmbop."

Question for UK bsky: does "scheme" have a particular connotation to you? Here in the US it's pretty unambiguously negative but I've heard the term used enough about things that don't sound bad that I'm starting to second-guess its British usage!

One way to explain me in a nutshell is that I keep a copy of the 9/11 Commission Report on my phone for quick-referencing

I like to think I'm pretty subtle but if I've had two drinks at dinner there will be signs (playing the Muppet Treasure Island soundtrack again)

"I have neutral feelings about my body. I love what it has done for me. I am not defined by how other people perceive it; that's none of my business." --me after my 3yo squishes my torso like a lump of pizza dough and hollers, "MOMMY? YOU HAVE A BABY IN YOU TUMMY?"

I am the meanest, most sadistic mom in the whole world for the CRIME of *checks notes* allowing the power to go out. Send me to the Hague, I guess