Too often work gets in the way of the important stuff like not working.

If you listen very carefully you can hear the Mario shrinking sound whenever I get my feelings hurt

wacky inflatable arm guys took my job

Tired of an internet that won’t let you steal music. Forget that. The internet 2 lets you download as many free tunes as you want. Our server holds millions of songs. Right now only Filter’s “Hey Man, Nice Shot.” Download it as much as you want. More to come!

Our refurbished internet will introduce all new Care Bears you hadn’t even imagined. Like Verklempt Bear. Not sure what image will be on the shirt yet.

It’s Janice’s birthday on Thursday. Should we get her a cake? Would a loaf work? To save money? Building a new internet is expensive.

Our Super Bowl commercial airs at 3:35am on PBS. Has the great niece of the “Where’s the Beef” lady.

STRETCH GOAL ACHIEVED! We have 30,000 backers for the Sequel to the Internet! You did this! You were already getting a free version of Ski Free…but now it will be Ski Free: Skyrim Edition! Gonna be epic!

An animated remake of 8 Mile starring Tygra from Thundercats instead of Eminem.

It’s been my dream to create a sequel to the internet before the first internet was even invented. If that doesn’t inspire you, idk what you’re waiting for. Like a care bear that transforms into a fighter jet or something? That’s impossible and you know it.

Tired of a physical newspaper flopping on your front porch each day…getting ink everywhere? Say goodbye to that. With propriety tech included with the Internet 2, get your newspaper faxed to you, piping hot, every morning. (It will actually be very hot, give it a minute)

Why can’t we turn a small part of public libraries into casinos. Maybe a sports betting desk. IDK might get more kids interested in reading.

Had to testify before congress today. So there’s that. 😕 But still pushing forward on the Internet 2 despite billionaires trying to stop it. I want to assure all of our early backers that they still get a pewter collector’s medallion.

The sequel to the internet won’t have an annoying Google. We have a guy named Luther who takes queries from you over the phone and then goes to the library to look up the answer. He will respond within two days. He takes Thursdays off.

hey escalator handrails that go faster than the escalator stairs, what are you doing

Big news for our Sequel to the Internet project! We’ve hired our new cybersecurity chief! How about an internet where the hackers are afraid of you!!!!

Give the groundhog a drug test!!!!!!!

Remember when we’d have snow days as kids, and we’d all stay home and play Ski Free??? Our new internet comes with a totally bonkers upgraded version. The snow is so realistic in 32bit. Plus the yeti has a backstory. You finally understand why he chases you.

Why did we call it Internet2 when “Twinternet” was right there???? (But seriously, the new internet we are developing is the better looking twin….and smarter. Like Mary Kate)

Trying to post an important update about our sequel to the internet project…but this server is so slow. Oh, right. Cause I’m using the old internet🤔 Sure be glad when some visionaries develop a new internet. lol. Just kidding…we totally are.

Sick of having to worry about grammar every time you send someone a sext? The new internet won’t allow grammar. And anyone whom uses grammar pays more.

Our sequel to the internet is on the bleeding edge of technology or innovation. Want to know more? Send us a SASE and we will mail you a b&w brochure. Are you ready to be one of the early kickstarters for our project?

It’s like ya’ll have Scott-canceling headphones on!

With our sequel to the internet your avatar can be a turtle with a crossbow. We don’t care. You do you.

Tired of having your internet freeze up when it snows? We brine our lines. It gets on some things but not everything. You can also see the temperature as of 3hrs ago.

Tech bros need not sign up. We don’t want you ruining our sequel to the internet. Tech bro free. Except for Trent. He’s pretty cool.

Tired of hearing that AOL dial up noise every time you want to check your electronic mail? The sequel to the internet gets rid of all the hassle. Logging on to internet 2 you just hear some clicking. A dog barking .wav file and then just seven more clicks.

Imagine you’re playing 64Bit Minesweeper on the Internet2. While your friends are still playing the 8 bit version on the old internet. Chumps. Let’s design a sequel to the internet together. Invest in this incredible project now.

AI tells you what Pokémon to wear and names your baby for you. But one thing it can’t do is design a sequel to the internet. Well, okay, maybe it could, but don’t ask it to. Let’s build the next internet together with human hands. Invest today!

I was raised to believe that our porn was too precious to trust to robots and AI. On my sequel to the internet, the passion returns. You’ll see the couple or thruple actually enjoying the pizza that was just delivered...asking about each other’s days. The Internet 2 will save porn. Hands off A-I!

The caboose was always the period of a long train sentence. I find it a shame they don’t show up as often as they did when I was a kid.

My sequel to the internet will be secure and will be backed up by a satellite launched into space to orbit Uranus. And on the new internet, my choice of words just now won’t be made fun of. Join my INTERNET 2 project!

Our sequel to the internet will be scented. Every time you browse, you’ll be able to choose between two signature fragrances…Japanese cherry blossom or cucumber melon. Sign up to invest now!

My sequel to the internet will come with bonus miles.

My sequel to the internet will come with a free continental breakfast every morning as you browse. Think the current internet would ever offer that???? Still working on the logistics.

Why haven’t you invested in my internet 2 project? I guarantee you the lady who invested in low sodium ketchup at the start is now sitting at the nicest Panera ordering anything she wants. And probably has a brand new Chevy Equinox in the driveway.

This is my early concept art for my sequel to the internet. A simplified view of how it will work. The real thing will definitely need more nozzles.

Face it. This internet is on its last legs. Let’s get started on a sequel. This is a start-up for the Internet 2 project. This time we build it right. I’ll reveal the plan over the coming weeks. Note below how much you can invest and what should be included on the Internet 2.0!!!!!!!