I have taken the Tylenol that was in the medicine cabinet and which they think probably is the reason you like trains forgive me but that’s bullshit you got autism from your dad

Me, when someone asks what kind of Jew I am

Am scientist, can confirm this is the exact process I was taught in grad school

Has someone checked on Jordon?

I wish someone told me with this amount of decisiveness what I should be doing in every area of my life

"More professors in the United States have been fired for controversial views in the past week than any other week in all of American history." www.insidehighered.com/opinion/colu...

If you had told me 25 years ago that the host of The Man Show would be taken off the air due to comments at odds with the political zeitgeist, I would have assumed we were living in the exact opposite of the world we actually are

so many dead canaries and we just keep on mining

The @washingtonpost.com has changed its slogan again, from “Democracy Dies In Darkness” to “Know Your Place.”

At some point we need to start asking the question: is UTRGV the greatest team in college football history?

It’s Homecoming Season in Texas, so you know what that means…. MUMS!

People need to understand that Gamergate is the most important domestic political event of my lifetime

I will die on the hill that a major reason we are where we are is Gamergate

Their parents are named Dora and Diego and their name is BACKPACK I am simply deceased

statehood for DC

IT'S NOT A TUSH PUSH ITS A QUARTERBACK SNEAK WE ALREADY HAD A WORD FOR THAT

The Juniors section at Kohl's currently has a Limited Too collection, and yes, I did use my grown-up money and Kohl's cash to make some purchases

one morning, when gregor samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a very hungry caterpillar

If any other football writers want to take a trip to UTRGV, I will send you a hand-curated list of the best Mexican food you've ever had in your life

Puro pinche 956!

I regret to inform you all I have a new bandwagon

Coors Light really has a commercial saying "you don't want a cold one. You want the coldest one" and they didn't do an NIL deal with Decoldest Crawford. What a missed opportunity.

La Décapitation de saint Georges, Bernat Martorell, 1430

There's a sign at College Gameday that says "Arch Watches WNBA", which I feel like they meant to use to emasculate Arch Manning but actually just makes him look cool AF

The girls from the American Girl Doll meme account

we’re all gonna find out when Corso puts on a JD Vance mask at 11:59 AM

Y'all keep talking about Weekend at Bernie's like you've never seen the cinematic masterpiece that is Dave.

My political platform is 1) the CDC is good, actually, and 2) legalize the rouge.

Made it

Gun violence is the #1 cause of death for children in the United States. This is intolerable.

Dearest Martha, The National Guard stand solemn watch at the Krispy Kreme tonight. I cannot tell if they defend the people from the donuts, or the donuts from the people. Powdered sugar hangs in the air like cannon smoke. Jensen took a hot coffee to the face, he may never recover. Yours in glaze,

I can't help but also feeling for the coworkers at their day jobs. They're in the office, picking up the slack, overworked doing these people's jobs along with their own, looking at their colleague picking up trash and standing around for literally no good reason.

Jack Antonoff: and I guess that's how we sorta landed on the bedroom pop feel of Midnights Andy Reid: [wiping blue cheese dressing from his mustache]

Tim Walz : trans rights are human rights JB Pritzker : we’re taking names of all you fuckers and coming after you Gavin Newsom : lol my pr firm made another meme while i guest starred on another right wing podcast

Honestly, at this point I think the Epstein List is the actual distraction, because it's been remarkably effective at keeping us from engaging with the very real threats to life and democracy coming out of this admin at face value

I'm so excited to go on my first walk ever tonight!!! What a glorious day!

(•_•) <) )╯COLLEGE / \ ( •_•) \( (> FOOTBALL / \ (•_•) <) )╯SATURDAY / \

When your sport opens with Farmageddon in Ireland for some reason but you’re going with it

Me, looking up from designing the invitations for my cat's Bar Meowtzvah: ".....I'm normal, right?"

Some incredibly good news: One year ago this week, The Onion returned to print. In that one year, we’ve grown to the 13th largest print newspaper in the United States, just ahead of the Boston Globe, and growing fast. In short, it’s working. So… thank you. Thank you for helping save this thing.

Yimakh shemo, baby girl

There's a dissertation to be written about Evangelical apocalyptical and rapture narratives, their influence on YA dystopian novels of the 2010s, and how that's played into accelerationist glee and a fantasy of being the martyr/messiah in a civil war, even among those who don't identify as Christian

DC should have exactly one statehood and one national guard not zero statehood and seven national guards

A stunning forensic account of how ignorance of vaccine efficacy was systematically manufactured. Steier exposes the anti-vaccine playbook: how flawed studies by discredited researchers created false doubt about vaccine safety, while 40+ rigorous studies of 5.6M+ people found no autism link.

I'll admit, I was skeptical when they said Gemini was just like a bunch of PhDs. But I gotta admit they nailed it.

Ahahahahahahhahahhahahhahahahahahhahhhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahh

"Tom, the crime is so bad in Washington D.C. that I am pissing my bed every single night. When I wake up in the morning, I am fully soaked from my chest to my toes. I spent $850 on sheets last month and nearly $1000 the month before that. And the Democrats won't do anything about it."

I have just seen my third news item with people saying "well sure crime is way down but if you tell people who are scared of crime that fact, you'll alienate them" and this can only be some sort of society wide, generational failing.