Indepen-DUNCE Day. @theonion.com

Hungover ‘Antiques Roadshow’ Expert Pulls Another   Appraisal Out Of Her Ass https://theonion.com/hungover-antiques-roadshow-expert-pulls-another-appraisal-out-of-her-ass/

Happy 250th Birthday America!

"I spent July Fourth in Tikrit, Iraq. There were no fireworks displays planned for us, but Al-Qaeda in Iraq provided us with their contribution. Combat has little regard for holidays. Yet even there, the Fourth remained meaningful."

Joseph Lavar Davis, 47, was convicted of stealing over 1.1 million dollars worth of the military’s pre-packaged Meals-Ready-to-Eat, or MREs, in Texas.

Drone Network Used To Smuggle Contraband Into Prisons https://theonion.com/drone-network-used-to-smuggle-contraband-into-prisons/

Lmaoooo Is there a drug that would make him not be a bleeding asshole?

The Reflecting Pool contractor is corrupt. John Cafaro has two federal convictions — and still landed the no-bid deal.

"'If I was in the cabinet of the Israeli government,' Vance added, 'I might not be attacking the only powerful ally I have anywhere left in the entire world.'" Today's "Morning Shots" from @eggerdc.bsky.social and @billkristolbulwark.bsky.social look at Vance's comments regarding the Iran conflict.

Since I did do my PhD in cyanobacteria growth and treatment optimization modeling AND work in the water treatment industry, I’m gonna share my theory as to what’s happening here and how to fix it. People are focusing on the painted bottom of the pool increasing residual heat, and while that 1/19

The lid of a storage tank at the Moscow Oil Refinery was blown off and sent flying.

Gorgeous

SAS, on CNN, talking politics. Incredible waste of time.

The Knicks only lost one game in the last two months and it was the one Trump went to lmao

He stood out from the TV pack with his bowties, bushy eyebrows and movie reviews studded with cheeky turns of phrase.

A lot of ignorant shit gets said on Fox News, but this is up there. Entire channel by stupid people for stupid people.

believe we have definitive proof that wu tang clan ain’t nuthin ta fuck wit

imagine being this stupid

Some call it sleeping. I call it rehearsing.

Hey honey, we're getting a cheetah! 😭

"It was among the most demanding administrative responsibilities I ever undertook because the consequences of those decisions would affect the military’s leadership for years to come." Hegseth is tossing it in the garbage. www.thebulwark.com/p/the-milita...

Black Neighborhood Demolished To Make Room For Nothing In Particular https://theonion.com/black-neighborhood-demolished-to-make-room-for-nothing-in-particular/

Shameful. This is un-American. Then again, it really is very American. But, it's not what anyone should want America to be.

It's understandable that Stephen Miller is cool with his wife's relationship with Elon Musk. Elon is trying to help him return home to Mars.

Morris Day and The Time responds: "Contrary to rumor, Morris Day & The Time will not be performing at the 'Great American State Fair.'"

1/ At 17 weeks pregnant, Emily Waldorf was suddenly faced with a life-threatening situation: Her baby’s foot was dipping out of her cervix. Doctors told her the longer her cervix stayed open, the higher her risk of infection. They knew how to treat her. There was one issue … 🧵

"Our allies have earned their place among us. If it weren’t for them, more American combat veterans would be buried in Arlington, and more Gold Star families would be enduring the unimaginable today."

Instead of letting voters choose, #Florida Gov. Ron DeSastrous hand-picks judges & cancels elections. www.floridabulldog.org/2026/05/gov-...

#Florida man high on mushrooms crashes car, repeatedly robs the same convenience store, assaults store clerk, leaves his blood all over the place. sunrisefltalk.com/man-high-on-...

“Now is our time to strike. Our own exertions and our own muscle must make us men. If we fight we shall be respected. I see that a well-licked man respects the one who thrashes him.” floridaphoenix.com/2026/05/25/r...

Morning 🖤 youtu.be/6eneRB5z1XM?...

He was not internationally known. But he was known to rock the microphone. RIP.

"...in grocery stores, where they have freezers" Someone just told him that before the speech.

REMINDER: eat the bosses’ pizza, then unionize anyway.

Motherfucker was just out here eating vegetables and stuff. Couldn't even believe it.

Q: Who are you going to endorse in the Texas Senate race? TRUMP: I'm looking at it. I think the Democrats have a weird, weird candidate. Six genders, a real hit on Jesus. This guy is bad news, with his mask from relatively recently. He was a vegan.

This is so shameful. Foreign military personnel have died in service while heeding our call for help. Actually DIED. These words are poisonous and without honor. I would love for a congressman to ask a member of the JCS or major command about the idea that NATO member nations do not help us.

Funny how after every SCOTUS ruling striking down some protection from government abuse, the officials those protections restrained — cops, prosecutors, Republican state electeds — immediately start acting in the precise manner SCOTUS assured us they no longer do.

Real Estate: Great For Streaming TV And Jerking Off