(stumbling home late after I promised my wife I was only going out for “a couple” beers) there was uhhhh a cyclops

It's called sports

Litigators and bankruptcy lawyers everywhere for the rest of our careers.

Born on third base thinking I hit a triple.

Connecticut. What if we made a suburban strip mall into a state and also made it take 12 hours to drive across on the way to better places.

Today I guess I didn’t hang up the phone in time before pivoting back to road rage, so apparently I left my wife a voicemail saying only “Get on your horse, dipshit!”

Stealth (2005) Also the only time I recall being entirely alone in a theater.

Edi Patterson is a national treasure

Fuck yes, Johnny Gabagool.

Trying to see if my palate is sharp enough to discern junkyard smoke from forest smoke.

Enrico Gasoline goes pretty hard, not gonna lie.

We love Zegras. Glad to keep him here.

“There are wildfires in Canada and a junkyard fire in Delco.” Perfect news alert from the Inquirer. No notes.

This photo absolutely rules. One kid hitting the Spidey, the other brandishing a weapon that has absolutely gone house on Schwarb's pants, the youngest wearing like full Confirmation Gown-level outfit while the boys are in shorts, and Schwarbs and his wife just loving all of it. Peak parent life.

Clean out your desk Wordle, you're fucking fired

It’s so funny (derogatory) how this bit just sends these chuds to stammering shambles. 100% hit rate.

I don’t understand the fight about time zones or whatever but I want whichever one gets the morning sun out of my face. Go away, I’m sleeping.

Goddamn right.

Surely these are salad days for the vegetable averse.

A schtick I respect is when Oxford comma fetishists willfully misread sentences then loudly proclaim that it proves their point.

Wikipedia editors fighting over whether Lindsey Graham's sister is a Republican, I love them

I’m sorry, major league what?

To be a historian is to speak ill of the dead and the rest of you should take more history classes and join us.

We’ll all miss our colleague, Dr Mengele, who was always polite to me. While we had some disagreements, I’ll miss his razor sharp wit and the genuine sense of joy he brought to his work.

I bet he seemed pretty disagreeable if you were a POC or queer child in the US or really any kind of child in the Middle East. We don’t have to do this.

You can definitely speak ill of the dead if he devoted his life to making the world a worse and more violent place. You can be happy about it even. I’m glad Lindsay’s dead.

I need to know: was it the extreme diarrhea going around that got him

NB the temperamental suv-sized animal is dangerous. Also, if I’m this guy I’m getting this framed.

Look. I’m not happy about England advancing either, but a deep run ended by losing to Argentina or France are two extremely funny results that remain viable.

Yes.

“Motherfucking cop thing”

Ketchup. Sometimes mustard too. It's fine. We'll be ok.

What a piece of shit Mike Rowe turned out to be.

omg

Came for the pedantry but he really got me with the real reason “That’s the thing I thought when they came up with it, that it was stupid and annoying, and I didn’t want to do it.” Speaking my language there, king.

Yes I’m a pig, fill my trough.

Official pasta of the Big 12

come on, man

It’s very funny to me that we’ve invented a chat bot that’s bad for the environment.

This gentleman has a point

Time to move on and focus on the real sports story of the moment: will the Flyers’ bold offer sheet payoff and get them the guy they need.

Real USMNT is back baby

Jfc

Tim Ream go to jail.

I do not give a fuck what that man does