With shots fired near the White House, Trump and his cult will insist we need to build a billion-dollar ballroom/bunker to protect the precious president. A cheaper option, of course, would be to remove the president these people keep trying to kill and replace him with one who's not so hated.

this is as seen as I’ve ever felt by a tiktok. it is my biggest language pet peeve and it is EVERYWHERE. I have been cleaning it up in other people’s writing / presentations at work my entire adult life

They should invent a temperature that isn't far too hot

Out of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most.

That part

BREAKING: Sen. Ed Markey calls for Trump's impeachment.

Alien: And how did you run out of water? Earthling: Machines drank it. Alien: Machines. Earthling: We had to feed machines the water. Aliens: So the machines were holding your planet hostage for water. Earthling: No, we made the thirsty machines. They worked for us. Alien: End communication.

✊

This. All of this. #Pinks #ProudBlue

“Unfortunately for the vice president, there’s video” will be an increasingly common sentence.

It’s Back to the Future in Memphis- and no, this is not a movie, Marty McFly will not be the lead character. This is about real life history.

Black people are giving it these Confederates raw and uncut. This is how it’s gonna be now. You wonder what we’re thinking? It’s this. I believe this is activist Gary Chambers again in Louisiana.

That is an outstanding turn of a phrase. It is another sin that she isn't the governor.

ICYMI — After Republicans stripped majority-Black Memphis of representation, this was @brotherjones.bsky.social in the rotunda. Damn. (From NC5)

As I enter my 30th year of being very happily married to a woman way out of my league, I have a message to young men: there is a secret to a successful relationship, it's being best friends with another couple where the man is a useless buffoon

By all that is holy, if and when SCOTUS decides that birthright citizenship is protected in the Constitution, don't let the 3-3-3 numpties tell you this is a moderate, centrist court. Rejecting an a-textual stupid Hail Mary doesn't cash out to a push when it comes to eviscerating the VRA today.

Everything is so stupid

LANDSMAN: With healthcare cuts and more pollution, people are worried about their health ZELDIN: Actually, the feedback I get is that people are happy LANDSMAN: Where is this 'feedback' coming from? People run up to you saying, 'Thank you so much for cutting the EPA, for cutting our healthcare'?

Something perfect

When a loud noise is unexpected, it's a normal & healthy physiologic response to look *toward* the noise. This *automatic* human reaction helps us to identify potential danger and determine whether we're safe. Not looking toward the noise is *highly indicative* of foreknowledge. #BodyLanguageExpert

He's the worst thing that ever happened to America. I despise him BECAUSE I love my country. 🇺🇸

I'm not even stirred.

Pope Leo turned the question around like the boss he is.

It’s Shakespeare’s birthday. Used to show this to all my classes as one of the great examples of how to quickly & powerfully connect with your audience rhetorically under the guise of naturalism. Lewis is superb at building up his murderous contempt for the conspirators. youtu.be/q89MLuLSJgk?...

Holy crap, guys. His approval rating is down 300%.

Number one in my cartoon canon, by James Thurber. Feels like he's forgotten now, but his drawings and short stories, while hugely funny, are shot through with everyday surrealism and pitch black humour. He had a peculiar genius for arranging words in exactly the right order to trigger laughter.

OMG this looks so good www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-43...

A reminder during #NationalLibraryWeek, libraries are our best and last defense against the fascist monopoly on knowledge and information

Coachella is trying to wipe all of the footage of The Strokes protest set so I’m gonna post it here. The last images on the screen made me cry.

Seems like the Strait of Hormuz is only open when the stock market is.

In Ireland they don’t care. The priest prays for the Lord to take Trump.

LA! These kitties’ human passed away, and they need a new home! Please help them find one! Spread the word!

File under Things We Know That Bear Repeating: Library ebook licensing models suck. www.cranstononline.com/opinion/gues...

This whole thing was a setup for TV and that any news organization takes this even remotely at face value is going to turn me into the Joker.

he's counting on people not knowing what a doctor looks like because they don't have healthcare

@strayliotta.bsky.social #sumbitch

I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard. That bird's an asshole! 😂😂😂😂😂 Best with volume up.

Erm, they're called palaeontologists, actually.

Oh my gd, the Artemis II crew doing a parody of a bad 1980s sitcom intro from in space. Source: www.instagram.com/p/DWwuHPfCZ8Z/

Me today.

David Simon said it best

Pretty much.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and whatever tf this shit is.

This is brilliant. Pass it on.

I found these in the closet in my mom‘s condo. Dated 1991. @bcdreyer.social ? Hardly an ancient artifact, but sort of fun.

My son is writing protest songs for a new era. He’s a talented guy and he wants to change the world. Please consider supporting his Kickstarter! www.kickstarter.com/projects/con...

It’s Flannery’s birthday tomorrow.