convincing gamers to do their groceries by telling them it's a high-stakes extraction experience where they can engage in immersive social encounters and exfiltrate with legendary vegetables

MY EDITOR: I think you need to make the main character more human. He's just completely unlikeable. ME: *taking back my autobiography* Um...

The meek no longer want the earth thanks.

Think about it, MAGA. Take all the time you need.

It's so weird how antidepressants only cause the impulse to commit mass violence in the country where there is easy access to guns. What a coincidence!

My imaginary friends just cancelled plans with me.

Thanks to @antifapatriot.bsky.social

A reminder - last March, republicans promised to restore $1.1B in funding to DC in exchange for funding the government, and Mike Johnson never took it up in the House.

"save your anger for 2026" wait you think I'll run out in a year this is why I hate amateurs

Dems. Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

Dear Senator Schumer- Go fuck yourself.

agreeing to make a terrible deal while your main opponent is quite literally being boo'd on live tv by an entire stadium of people is the kind of political instinct you'd normally only find in a 3 week old dead goldfish

Ok, I think I found the best Wikipedia article discussion ever

Donald reportedly wants the new DC football stadium and White House golden ballroom named after him. Things are usually named after presidents after they die. I guess we now know what those MRI results were.

Husbands with Grindr profiles?

No take backs.

I'm somehow OK with this:

"idiot.exe has encountered an unknown error and has stopped working"

If sandwich shops don’t start offering a sandwich named “the acquittal” then what are we even doing

When you're a sociopath and get angry that someone else's medical emergency, just four feet away, drew focus from your gloating and you forget which lie you were on.

Don’t threaten us with a good time!

incredible photo that's definitely worth at least 1,000 words from Andrew Harnik of Getty

Took the cats out for a walk with my brother and accidentally created a 90s Britpop album cover

You *know* they're going to give it to Trump to butter him up. It will only cost them their dignity. Meanwhile he's starving over 40 MILLION PEOPLE jusy to spite the people who dare tell him 'no'. Not really peaceful.

Oh, they're spooked alright

BREAKING: Andrew Cuomo flees New York.

"The day NYC elects a Muslim Mayor will be the day I die." --Dick Cheney probably

Mamdani: "My message to ICE agents & to everyone across this city is that everyone will be held to the same standard of the law. If you violate it, you must be held accountable. There is sadly a sense growing that certain people are allowed to violate that law, whether they be POTUS or ICE agents."

I heard that they're packing Andrew Cuomo into a box and putting him in that warehouse at the end of indiana jones

This should happen 👇

For some reason Donald is asking me for election rigging tips.

PRO TIP: This is not a winning message. Source: Last night's election results, FAFO.

If you’re still in line, STAY IN LINE

The oligarchy came out in full force against Zohran Mamdani's fight for a more affordable NYC. It didn't matter. Let his victory in the face of Big Money serve as a reminder that people have the power.

If you’re wondering what the future of the Democratic Party looks like, watch the young, brown democratic socialist on the TV right now.