Me, giving the 5 yo a pre-holiday-party-full-of-strangers talk: remember, nobody is allowed to touch you. Her, more raccoon than human: but are people allowed to touch me for high-fives?

People with living parents, whom are proximal or happy to travel, happy to help, and whom you can trust to not kill your kids, what is that even like? How wonderful is your life? That’s as good as a third income in itself.

Two disgraced septuagenarian former presidents sharing a jail cell would be a hell of a sitcom and an even better reality TV show. Get me on the phone with Netflix immediately.

This time of night, I’d say 50,000 people just got presents

Santa has penetrated our air defenses and Omaha goes in 19 minutes. Mr President, authorize the SIOP plan while we still have the computer. Launch on his workshop.

Santa overshot Andrews by 15 miles. He went to Rock Creek Park, sir. Walter Reed Hospital is there. My father is there. No father should get presents before his son.

hoo buddy I have descended to the most foul mood today

It was entirely predictable but if Kamala D. Harris randomly conjured up a battleship on a wholly unrealistic timeline with weapons not actually in production with the same cost as a carrier, these guys would be hurling slurs not seen since reconstruction, instead it’s just:

Not sure Santa knew what to make of “several specific members of the Vichy Senior Foreign Service to choke to death in front of their families” so don’t think I’m getting what I wished for 😢

I keep seeing “I can’t believe there are families who go gift by gift and watch as each person opens one” and I think it’s a money thing. Christmas morning lasts longer that way.

Getting a mote from my doctor “labs look good, cholesterol has been coming down consistently. Stay active and keep up your healthy lifestyle” as I eat leftover pizza and drink a 10% ale is just 😚👌

“Like prime, but with human beings”

Nicki Minaj embracing MAGA is proof that wealth is the most powerful immigration document in America.

Remember playing with cap guns when we were kids? They really had us out here microdosing gun violence.

Dads: go stash a lawn and leaf bag under the couch now.

Imma tell my grandkids this was Nicki Minaj

My theory on this is that the availability of so much politics discourse for everyone has turned politics into fantasy sports and a lot of Dem voters in particular are the kind of people who are always making spreadsheets and reading about sleepers. They like feeling savvy and methodical

Reminder that we are a year into aggressive ICE raids and concentration camps, and there’s not a single example of local cops protecting people against this violence, kidnapping, or death.

Real creeper shit if you’re going to keep coming back to my LinkedIn profile yet not reach out or offer me a job.

Worth repeating this with every new Epstein document drop. The party of Denny Hastert is the party of Jim Jordan is the party of Matt Gaetz is the party of Donald Trump. Looking the other way and protecting child predators from the law is their brand.

Finally time for my annual Christmas shopping chicken parm sub 🤤

i feel like this from roosevelt's 1942 state of the union address still works as a mantra today for our fight

Don’t name your stupid store Calzedonia and then get mad when I come in expecting calzones (and strombolis)

The Party of National Security in 2 headlines

I don’t like posting about or reporting on Bari Weiss. Check my post history. I find her incredibly boring and stupid and would rather not, but the baffling omnishambles of what they and she are doing at cbs and how it intersects with the cartoonish fascism of the second trump era forced my hand

A definitional element of extremism is that harming an out-group is inseparable from the success or survival of the in-group. For extremists, such harm becomes an intrinsic need. They come to believe that denying them the right to harm out-groups is the same thing as denying them the right to exist.

One of the more important stock-taking moments to watch a bootlegged news program censored in your country.

And now this. They want the citizens in generational debt not wealth.

okay i give up what the fuck is S/MIME and how have we not solved this problem in the year of our lordt 2,025?

The whole move fast and break things mentality was incredibly damaging to…everything actually

I always like to hang this one at nose height.

… … … huh … … 🤔 OH THOSE ARE *HEARTS!!*

the vice president is a klansman

I find myself thinking about historian Robert Paxton’s 2004 definition of fascism far too often than I’d like these days. Note that these sentences were written back when Donald Trump was a NYC playboy libertine who donated to Democrats.

Nothing to see here, just a right wing hyper-nationalist government going to their party’s youth event sponsored by a group with a martyred leader they’ve pledged to avenge, recruiting people to join their masked police force devoted to removing auslanders from ze homeland.

🤌

"We're close to getting AI to write creditable papers/we're close to getting our bipedal humanoid robot to juggle/we're close to getting consistent science, please give us $870 billion." Its so funny because you can feed a human being hamburgers for 30 years at $3mil and they can do all this shit.

The atomic ensemble time scale at the NIST Boulder campus has failed.

Probably not going to happen but a lot of DOJ attorneys should lose their law licenses for what they are collaborating with

Oh, we all know why he was fired. For doing his job, obeying the law, and being a good American.

I fucking guarantee you if the Framers could’ve seen the future, the Constitution would be 10,000 pages long and half of it would be language explicitly banning governments from doing shit like this.

I didn’t get a Warrior Dividend but I did get a one-year membership in the Jelly of the Month Club.

She's just saying that there's no "I" in U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia.

So, the Presidential Walk of Fame was not a joke and neither is this Temu ass Hunger Games huh

Every landlord in Fayetteville gonna increase 2026 rent by exactly $1776 baby.

Forgive my tardigradeness, I was at trivia. $1,776 warrior rebates? If my current unit is any indication, the three slob AGRs there only just figured out how to pay people for the first time in the history of Army, and you’re going to lay the solemn responsibility of Warrior Bonuses on them now?!

please tell me this is AI slop

I propose a 46-state solution for the Russia problem.