The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

Fighting his natural instinct to ruin the Christmas tree

Final pumpkin lineup for Halloween

Carved two pumpkins tonight, two more tomorrow

I need two people!

It’s been awhile since this idiot made an appearance on here.

OMG he did the thing I’ve helped docs at my job analyze, they sent me LISTS of AI generated citations for me to verify and they were all fake omg lolol

I love The Devil’s Playground I’m literally too stupid to understand even the directions of the games they play, I will watch 200 seasons

Do beekeepers next

Exact same re: AI medical literature citations. Not a one was real.

If Elmo is leaving and Pete’s getting fired do I have to send my 5 bullet point email in tomorrow or can we please chill the fuck out for ONE DAY

Once again, I was left to wonder: was Pete Hegseth signal chatting military attack plans to everyone but me?? Am I the one that’s insecure, or is it his communication practices that are insecure?

It tickles me to no end that guy constantly blathering on about meritocracy and lowering military standards is the worst anyone has ever been at their job in the history of being employed

Interrupted my wife while she was on the phone to deliver this news like Walter Cronkite announcing that JFK had died.

My airpods 2nd gen are dying, i got the airpods 4 and they were horrible, what wireless earbuds are you all using. Wearing just for watching movies and garbage on my ipad, i have separate exercise headphones

I love drawing my signature with a mouse. Like here is my important tax form. As you can tell from my signature, I am a very small child

I’ve been quality checking AI generated citations for a doctor I work with and every single one of them has been factually inaccurate (as in they do not exist at all)

Vance: I think we should throw Hegseth under the bus for this Atlantic mess. Waltz: 👍🤣🚌 Rubio: OK SM: Totally agree. Vance: Steve, can you convey this plan to POTUS? Vance: Steve? Hello? SM: This is Shirley MacLaine

Wake up babe, a new 30-50 items scenario just dropped

white house says the economy is trans and must be abolished

RFK Jr. Vows To Make Measles Deaths So Common They Won’t Be Upsetting Anymore

this is the face of a man who is about to end the bird flu epidemic by eating every infected bird

Dear Manager: 1. I drank a whiskey drink 2. I drank a vodka drink 3. I drank a lager drink 4. I drank a cider drink 5. I sang the songs that remind me of the good times, and the songs that remind me of the better times

DOGE is like if Fyre Festival was a government agency.

After making tens of thousands of people end teleworking, tells all federal employees to check their email on a Saturday WHICH WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO WHEN WE AREN’T TELEWORKING

Tryin' to imagine makin' a billion dollars scribblin' about baby wizards and whatnot, then sittin' in my castle, rage-tweetin' at trans people all day. Guuurl you won at life. It's cool to just sign out and take everyone your ass has ever known to Wingstop.

JD Vance Sets Out Little Heart-Covered Mailbox On Desk Just In Case theonion.com/jd-vanc...

The Beekeeper is only $5 to buy on the Apple Store, it will be the best $5 you spend for the rest of your life whether you live until tomorrow or 2085

if they made like 17 more Beekeeper movies where Jason Statham just systematically murdered a different category of scammer in every movie it would be the biggest and most successful film franchise on the planet

being the best hater around in front of the largest audience on earth wearing the cutest flare jeans, 10/10 stuff, Kendrick should win Best Picture at the Oscars

I think more people should hive this flick a try. www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie...

Do Not Comply In Advance: bossy, already a cliche, implies permission to comply later Fuck You, Make Me: leads by example, directs yelling at opposition instead of allies, easy to chant at a protest or put on a banner

I died and am now trapped in a Ghostwriter scenario

If I think maybe the movie has already started, your logo is too elaborate.

He is baby

Successfully got my parents peacock promo activated through their xfinity account and when I say that was advanced level interneting, there is NO WAY they would have ever gotten it done

My poor dog had to wait 6.5 years and cross the rainbow bridge before I got him tattooed. my dumb cat moved into my house and doesn’t even have a job and yet here we are

Since this cat moved in I have not known peace

Ugh FINE I'll show up to work "sober" to lead the department of defense. YES without "sexually assaulting" everyone, christ anything else?

Completely forgot that I listened only to the Challengers soundtrack and nothing else for many weeks

If I'm going into your "spotify", it's gotta be unwrapped. I don't use those anymore.

Disney needs to pay whatever Lin-Manuel Miranda wants for Moana 3

Trying to decide who would win in a fight: Jack, the absolutely shredded snowman who comes to life from a magic scarf or Chip, a nutcracker turned real live boy who barges into a woman’s life during her busiest work season

Space Oddity

I am open for commissions* this holiday season *will draw for free and/or Little Debbies because I like coloring

Gary had his first ever hairball (since moving in with us today) and I was NOT PREPARED for that Exorcist demon ass looking thing

I initially deactivated over at the other place but I don’t like how it makes two factor authentication turn off automatically for 30 days before deleting the account so I’ll just lock it and not post anymore I guess.

My mom is sick of me

Coworker Update: still lazy, still smells like fish

Definitely a “put the tree up early” day