🎶on the steps of the paaaaaalace*🎶 *Hampton Court

Cannot believe Lauren "Beetlejuice Handjob" Boebert is going to have a longer congressional career than marjorie taylor greene

oh man imagine if the Indian or Moroccan governments hear about this, then we'll really be in trouble

oh I am SURE norma was there

my friends, it is with deepest regrets that I must announce it is happening again

if you're cold, they're cold

still hanging on to his crown of Senate's Dumbest Boy despite the recent wave of younger competitors

Remember to teach your children not to follow the lights

I see Cristiano Ronaldo is still playing at the international level. I have not followed men's football in a couple years so I was surprised. You should google Ronaldo Las Vegas to see what he's capable of.

truly my favorite days on the internet are when we're all reading about the messy lives of horrible people

lordy

it's such a shame, these two really deserved each other this reads like when I tell Nephew he needs to punch up his creative writing with some details and all he can think to add is the color of everyone's shirt

I'm at the Target boycott, I'm at the Starbucks boycott, I'm at the combination Target boycott and Starbucks boycott

Went to the store and preordered the thanksgiving turkey, which the meat counter guy tried to convince me I could have done online my brother in butchery, I am an elder millennial and it is the rainiest weekend all year, do you think I didn't try that first??

pope bob really poping it up in this photo, good for him

went to mom's for dinner and she sent me home with four hunks of cheese

a Thanksgiving guest has requested corn pudding as a side, and this is not a dish I'm familiar with. Anyone have a recipe they like?

Thinking of getting into candles this winter. Not in a luxury scented way, in a pyrophile type way. The light is just so NICE

ah yes the classic gun handling technique of cleaning a shotgun while it's loaded

People keep saying this but I have yet to see a name that is even moderately surprising (except for Hawking, I guess) or who I have even residual affection for

tbh her sleep schedule is not my primary concern here. that's a symptom, not the disease

Still doing better than Drake Toronto though

The Senator theater has been suspended from bluesky for 72 hours

Megyn Kelly has a 14yo daughter

Anyway Malala, yes that Malala, is on this week's episode of Normal Gossip if you need a palate cleanser

[slams buzzer] Who are the Nimoys?

The thing I remain baffled by is Lauren "Beetlejuice Handjob" Boebert somehow being on the right side of history on this one issue so far

What a wild day to be sporadically dropping in on bluesky in 5 minute bursts between meetings

The Librarian would have this ship turned around within two weeks

E M A I L S M L A I I A L M S L I A M E

As a point of clarification, when I said you looked like a snack in that photo, I was not in fact threatening to engage in an act of cannibalism. I apologize for any misunderstanding.

he could try his hand at translating the iliad and end up, you know, actually reading it

it would actually be sick if the next Bond movie is about him slowly figuring out that Q frankensteined him

you know, the Iliad, the famously heterosexual story

shopping for a new set of sheets, currently 4 tabs deep on wikipedia reading about egyptian cotton hybridization may have gone off the rails slightly

the thing about me is, I am GOOD cook this pot roast fucking slaps

it is 87 degrees outside but I'm making a pot roast anyway because fall is a state of mind

Target store employees have been assigned to follow shoppers around Costco and Walmart grinning and waving until they are hauled out by store security

the correct way to use a grocery list is to write it, preferably in an app you can pull up on your phone so you don't even have to remember to take it with you, then do your grocery shopping, and once you're home and everything is put away you open the list and score how well you did

how dare an art museum spend money on ART and not COPS

I met Terry Pratchett once at a book signing and he told me that both me and the friend I had him sign a book for spelled our own names wrong

When considering mid-century recipes, it is important to remember that the upper middle-class housewives who were the prime audience for these were being prescribed legal methamphetamine and benzos in quantities that would make a cartel boss blush

case imploded like a submarine full of onions and mustard

I am out to dinner following a day in the office and sat next to two therapists who are wildly shit talking and diagnosing their various family members and mutual acquaintances and I have never heard a more vicious conversation in my life

babe we know it's the oval office because when you go inside, the room is a god dang oval we don't need a brain genius to hang up a sign, the room is the sign

you never gotta hand it to the new york post but

I'm so glad all of America is enjoying my birthday, you're welcome

well that's that, and as a Californian, I assume I will never hear about NYC municipal politics again