Explain your user name: I made it up.

you ever make a french apple cake that is nevertheless an American Pie www.eatingwell.com/best-fall-de...

putting the boys in a getalong shirt for being Too Online

this is what we call Doing A Theranos

ah shit guys, you know what we did, we forgot to install the No Fires mod

I've told every aesthetician I've ever seen that I would pay money to just lay under the steamer for an hour and now I have achieved this dream while sitting on my own couch, it's incredible

surprising no one, after flying to a conference on the east coast and back, I have a COLD and am DYING

someday soon, a hangover is going to really lay you on your ass if you're in your 20s you think you've had hangovers but you have not, the first time you get an In Your 30s hangover is the day you enter middle-age

this guy seems great and also Hollarsmith is a great name for an activist, yes, my family has been artisanally hollering about bad shit since the dawn of time

If you wear a $20k watch to the gym, it is simply not a crime to rob you, case closed ktla.com/news/man-say...

just sent Nephew a calendar invite for "Halloween Slumber Party Planning" and then realized that's deranged and canceled it and sent him a text instead

got u bsky.app/profile/keit...

I forgot that Ezra existed for a minute and thought this was referring to Naomi, I need a new handy little memory device for the current moment

the lady sitting next to me on the flight home had a 4ish month baby that slept the whole time and she didn't share the baby AT ALL

omg Hild adaptation????

Playing hooky from the packaging conference

It's not actually big enough to be a city, but, Solvang.

no one is nostalgic for Walmart, people are nostalgic for being 12 and going shopping with allowance money to spend on treats instead of budgeting a paycheck between food and housing

hell yeah, entering the RJR Nabisco phase of this economic cycle

Tom Bloke, you know Tom Bloke, he's always hanging around with Steve Guy and Liz Gal

went for a nice long walk and changed the sheets and cleaned out the fridge and put all the laundry away and downloaded 12 library books and audiobooks and a whole tablet movies and packed my travel crochet bag and charged my travel battery and scheduled my Uber I am only going to be gone for 3 days

we already had a tariff on heavy, bulky items like cabinets and upholstered furniture it's called: freight on your average piece of furniture shipped from Asia, about 40% of the retail price is the cost of getting it across the Pacific

my office has this insane policy of emailing the All Employees distro list to notify people that you are taking a day off so every Thursday at 5pm I get a wave of emails announcing who is taking a long weekend, which is unfair and gloating imo

babe, that's an electric carving knife, my granddad had one, it sucked shit

Leaving for a 3 day work trip to Boston on Sunday, so it is time for the ritual Downloading of Too Many Library Books

WHAT HAPPENED: Somehow Napoleon returned.

people are out really out there like, "I could win a fight with a bear," and yet

this guy has a whole youtube channel that is incredible for soothing cheerful background chatter

uhhhhhhhhh

"this genius said it on a podcast" is a spicier take than the one that got him suspended, good for Jimmy, really punching right through his candy coating there

[clears throat] I need at least 5 sub-categories for WWI, but there are no good movies about vietnam or desert storm, thank you

who got their best employee a $25,000 raise approved and backdated to Sept 1? that's right, it's me, the manager she told you not to worry about

babe, "just over half" when you've got a yes/no question is basically a coin flip

Subtly downgrade a band Natasha Futoningfield

commute was fucking horrible today, not enough people got raptured imo

tylenol is the only painkiller most of my family is supposed to take because of the Blood Disorder, and we're all super 100% normal, it's fine guys

go with god, shaun

So I'm picturing snakes. Snakes everywhere. Like an interactive Snakes In A Cathedral experience. Something to really get the heart pumping. Very instagrammable. www.cbsnews.com/news/an-arti...

Boston buddies! I will be at a conference in Boston Sept 29 and Oct 1. DM if you would like to meet up for drinks or dinner.

some people suck

what I'm hearing is that if I turn off email notifications I can be stoned during work and no one would be able to tell

are iphone havers ok

i went to a hibachi place the other night and the chef was singing "get up, scallop / scallop for your rights" and obviously i will be singing that at random for the remainder of my life

I ran 3 errands and each 20yo cashier asked me what my plans were for tonight, and children I am 42 years old, my plans are to crochet, get wine tipsy, and watch a trashy documentary

the 20 something son a friend is coming over to clean out my garage today. he wants to get into carpentry so his pay is $100 plus any thing he wants that he finds multiples of, which I am praying puts a significant dent in the entire-drawer-full-of-doorknobs problem out there

Dear Americans, please stop sending your complaints about the axing of Jimmy Kimmel to ABC Australia. www.abc.net.au/news/2025-09...

I forgot about feeding myself tonight BUT I still have some of the banger veggie pasta I made on Thursday big thank you to past self for your gift my hour of need

Let me at least look at the thing before you try to get my email for a 10% off coupon code. Just let me see the thing first. I don't even know if it's actually the thing I'm looking for yet and you're already trying to put me on your Forever Mailing List just let me look at it first.

I bet my former rep, Norma Torres CA-35, was there, let's check