I opened one of the pike place jams I bought last weekend instead of "saving" it for so long that I started to worry about botulism, please clap

earthquake

we have arrived at Trying To Delete It as foreign policy

does anyone have a small child who can come stand on the ligament? muscle? that connects the right side of my neck to my right shoulder??

sadly resets Days Since I Injured Myself While Sleeping counter back to 0

this is a Midsomet Murders plot

time to scroll through a thread of people who I don't know who the hell they are

HELL yeah (pretty sure this news is only relevant to @thekatriarch.bsky.social)

nephew got a haircut and has gone from having shoulder blade length hair to a style I can only describe as a jonathan taylor thomas

EMPIRE was also the only one that had a potato asteroid, and I don't think that's a coincidence

Binding Arbitration on the Bounty

there is no such thing as a woke pope, but you know who is not interceding on behalf of rudy guiliani tonight, it's chicago pope, and I think that's wonderful

listen, sometimes you find out your favorite podcaster has werewolf tendencies and that's fine, that's not your business

Here is a cheat sheet of appropriate responses to unusual requests for anyone who is confused: Give horse cake ✅ Give toddler shotgun ❌

I made a fruit and veggie tray for plans that have now been cancelled. Woe is me, now my only recourse is to read a book and nibble on fruit and cheese and veggies and dips all day instead!!

the babies long for guillotine

two days of good weather plus this view from my departure gate? pnw really making the case that I should move back

Why is sea-tac full of military guys* and why can none of them carry a normal number of bags in a normal way° *don't answer this one I know why °you can answer this one of you know, are they teaching Fucked Up Backpack Wearing in basic training or something

just overheard a 4th grader telling her friend, "if you ever need to distract some boys, literally just draw an X in the dirt. they'll stop to dig it up, they can't help it" which is the only gender metric I'll be using, moving forward

when I was in college, my friend group did have a guy who had a nazi phase, we gave him two weeks and then stranded his ass on a deserted island

I looked at so many fishes, had some raviolis for lunch, and then I bought some yarn and some jams, and now I have found a nice quiet wine bar to eat a cheese and have some wine and read a book

had some unbelievably bad wine at pike place, the guy pouring it tried to warn me but I did not listen

Gardeners move fast and rake things

no thoughts only fish

who blocked my mom show yourself you coward

I'll tell you what, I'm excited to be back at the Seattle Rep after [mum22bles] several years but my college roommates are not here (because they live in Wisconsin and North Carolina now) and also I no longer qualify for the $10 student rush ticket????

i mean they did also kill jeff. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like I understand where you're coming from here but they did very much kill jeff

when I checked into my hotel today their card reader was down and the 12yo working the front desk was like, oh, you have to swipe, let me show— oh you know how to do that?? No one has known how to do that all day And then I crumbled to dust and blew away in the breeze from the AC

most hobbits are very sensitive to spice but Samwise Gamgee will house a nuclear vindaloo takeaway no problem

never change, Seattle

The American Plague, Molly Caldwell Crosby King Leopold's Ghost, Adam Hochschild Say Nothing, Patrick Radden Keefe Reaganland, Rick Perlstein Far From the Tree, Andrew Solomon

this is anti-vaxx brain

hell yeah

Headed to Seattle (well, Issaquah) for a no-notice work trip.

ok so hot tip you do have to filter for english, I did not know that and clicked on one of these and thought I had forgotten how to read or overestimated my ability to decipher cursive but it was just in dutch

ok serious question though did he take the 7ft statue of his wife with him or nah?

you don't hear from Wisconsin Man as often as Florida Man, but when he shows up he goes HARD

$5.75 and all the books I could read during my shift at a used bookstore in 1998 I made $7.00/hr as a babysitter (plus $1/hr per child for 3 or more children, and $1/hr for any child in diapers) but children want you to do things like play with them and that interrupts your reading time

uh if you are in any way tempted to take this job DM me, I have two open positions for content interns at $20/hr

surely he didn’t say that, i thought. surely he didn’t look straight into a camera and acknowledge that everyone is calling him a child rapist. right? it’s so exciting that i can still be surprised sometimes.

Appreciate this detail from CBS News reporter Jennifer Jacobs. It's an important part of the story that seems to be missing from a lot of comments & coverage.

damn they should have tried it at Area 51 after all

europe please give your reporters mass shooter training before sending them to the us

I mean some of it is deliberate misinformation and some of it is that humans don't retain shit about stressful situations

listen I do not believe assassination is an outcome we want here but if you decide to cowboy up, please make sure you are capable of hitting the broad side of a barn first, we're 0/3 and this is starting to get embarrassing for us as a country

this is no way to get free flights on turkish airlines

Everest has turned off the lights and shoved the couch in front of the door, she doesn't want you, go home

The lyingest lie I ever tell is "I'll work on it on the plane"

you never have an ethical obligation to eat dinner in the same room as someone. that is just not a thing that exists

ok this rocks actually