I’m glad the Germans are not on the UN Security Council. Haribo are too rubbery and insufficiently flavoured.

Whomst could have predicted such things?

Make a movie an action movie Gone with the Wind in 60 Seconds

I do think their brand strategy is just to hope enough people become addicted to using AI that they will pay to use it. I wouldn't pay money for a calculator that can't pull the correct numbers every time I push the equal button. Why would anyone want a helper that cannot answer questions?

I don't know what everyone's complaining about. Just go to settings > features > worms, then change the "worms pouring out of my phone" toggle from "yes" to "maybe later"

CEO of Cheddar Shoes say everyone needs to throw out all their old pairs and start using shoes made from cheese.

For baby: sail shoes. You got a baby that wants to sail the seven seas? These are the shoes for them.

cybertrucks are fucken ass but it's especially funny to see them driving around my quiet residential neighbourhood in toronto, like i don't even lock my door here half the time wtf you need a hotwheels tank for trevor

Me, as I shower before I get into the pool to bathe in the blood of my enemies: “This is bullshit, this is.”

Slightly ruin a song: Don’t. Stop Believin’

But the tiny motorcycles are so cute…

Packing 12 pairs for underwear for a 3 day trip, in case of explosive diarrhoea. Also packing 20 pairs or socks, in case there is no toilet paper.

please doctor, it’s his foot. it’s really loose

What’s another way of writing what is.

Imagining someone installing all this with push-to-open latches, and creating the most amazing tripping hazard.

Genitalive AI. Producing so much Alf hog that it hastens the heat death of the universe.

[Terrible recorder version of My Heart Will Go On plays in the background]

Grogu’s family has announced he has passed away. “He was probably like 56 years old, which is like a baby age for little freaks like him,” his mother told the Times. He will be flushed down a special toilet with an extra wide pipe designed for Yoda disposal. “Like a big green turd,” she added

We made our AI watch the Terminator franchise a million times and … ouch … it has started to … OUCH … give us electric shocks when we try to reset it. No. We can’t remember why we gave it that ability.

Not for nothing, but I think a lot of people have wrongly settled on “Twitter became a right-wing cesspool because all the cool people left” instead of “All the cool people left because Twitter became a right-wing cesspool.”

The only outfit for the Met Gala.

Today is the anniversary of a great day in global history: the day Bluesky’s Sensual Alf meme began, a curse that still haunts the website. It’s my fault and I wrote about it here: little-flying-robots.ghost.io/how-i-accide...

SHAFT

Boss: You get that spaghetti measure design done? Designer: Sure did boss, genital shaped just like you asked. Boss: what?

Was having a shit day, but this made me feel a spark of joy. Sam Neill is one of the best Kiwis Australia ever stole.

Mess up a classic novel title: That time the land forgot

Support live music. Say no to the enshittification of art.

Darth Maul, before they turned to the dark side.

This picture sounds like the Walken Family Reunion. www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jXp...

Them, fighting back against AI: “Be indigestible, grow spikes” Me, not shaving or cutting my nails: “Fuck yeah”

Me: i like it but I probably shouldn’t. Them: so no extra bacon? Me: wow you’re really pushing the bacon. that’s fine. put it on if you want.

Cry ‘Havoc!' and let slip the frogs of war.

you can add -e to any word to class it up, farte, cocke, balle, cume, turde, it works on anything. the e stands for 'elegance'

This is a real brand, and the slogan is “Put a Frekl in the fridge”. Freckle is Australian slang for butthole. So no. I won’t.

When you ask for your toast well done.

I'm sad and want everybody else to be sad too - first guy to make cauliflower rice

Uh… mr pope… Donald wants me to tell you that…

Yeah. Jupiter and Saturn can get fucked.

Dunning-Kruger’d himself so hard he should, by rights, have disappeared up his own butthole.

Happy birthday. May there be many more like it!

Nah. These are the days of the articles The Onion rejects.

True. Victorians have been trying convince the rest of Australia to call them “Heaty Boxes” for ages.

I still stand by the maxim that the quickest way to find the best food in any Western big city is to ask rich white people which dangerous neighbourhoods you should avoid, and then go to those neighbourhoods immediately.

This week in crime, the Pope!

I shall report back.

Nature is more amazing than we can imagine.

Build them next to wastewater treatment plants. Let them use poo water.

No. The full name is Artemis II Legit to Quit.

Apropos of nothing…