I just rolled a die and got a one in a million result: 6, the very highest number possible.

I'm a single issue voter: I am only going to vote under the circumstance that someone runs on making it illegal for people to think i'm uncool.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please keep in mind that my client only did this because it was so so so so so so funny.

Teaching a bonobo how to use a shotgun safely.

Going to every burger joint the first day of October and asking for the fries dracula style to see how it goes.

I like the painting Magdalena Penitente by Mateo Cerezo because she looks a lot like me.

Steven Universe has been arrested in Milwaukee

Explaining to a friend that the line in Hamlet about him wandering around with his stockings dirty and fallen around his ankles doesn't mean he shit himself, however it's heavily theorized by scholars this is the only scene where he hasn't.

there should be a kind of muck

It's really a shame how I will never be as successful as Noam Chompsky because I don't think anyone will attempt to make a chimpanzee version of me that I despise.

*45 year old who fondly remembers Pokemon from their childhood voice* I slept wrong and now my back is killing me.

Boooo I hate that guy! And his snakes!

Beloved Character Actor: Donald Poops

Minneapolis welcomes the fishman. Saint Paul scorns him.

Well don't I feel stupid

I believe every city should have a never ending series of truly unmapped subterranean passageways that allow you to move from any building to another without having to see the sun. It wouldn't bother me is a vampire got loose down there though.

Scientists have confirmed that even at my most oafish, I am only 2 to 3% oaf at any moment.

A man gets home from a 10 hour shift as a line cook. At no point was he ever able to embrace carnal desires and even if he wanted to now he wouldn't have the energy. He logs onto his account goon cave spelunker and says just had the best sesh, I think I got friction burns. He gets 400 likes.

One time online I saw someone waxing poetic about how amazing it is that normal glass is resistant to all acids.

Advice for anyone out there A swamp is a forested wetlands A marsh is a grassy wetlands Keep this in mind as your moral center.

if an adventure isnt good enough to enjoy using a coin toss as the only resolution mechanic then an adventure isnt good full-stop.

One time as a kid I brought a thermos full of hot chocolate to school and I was talking to another gal and she said she wished there was something like a thermos for keeping things cold as well and I hold her that was just a thermos and she got really excited thinking about the possibility.

Going on r/relationship_advice and rejecting every bit of advice that doesn't involve me subtly socially engineering the person I am dating

I live in a very scary cave

I found an ogre in real life and gave them a motorcycle.

Working on a new ttrpg manifesto - Position 1, I am being gang stalked for my involvement in trying to prove that ghosts are real - Position 2, I am the only sentient person. - Position 3, giving me money is the best thing you can do from a moral standpoint.

They got wizards ground around minor metropolitan areas cursing people to have their elbow skin become scrotum skin.

dude are these your rations? theyre pretty meagre bro

Who gives a fuck any more

I think that if a judge tries a minor as an adult then the place where that happened should be required to make that age the new voting age.

The F in Silent Hill F stands for Fucked because it would be fucked up if that shit happened to you.

I found this while searching for the song. It's amazing seeing over 61 years later we are still in a situation where san francisco gets away with a lot because of it's own PR as one of the good cities. www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9UG...

People are condemning the tits out for dracula movement

My name is scrint vrelp

They let me teach a gibbon how to cast spells.

GEOLOGY UNLOCKED You can now marvel at KARST Maximum AWE increased by 15

shhh shhh shhh shhh no cry, it can only good happen

I am applying for a lot of jobs today and they have an opening for the Bohemian Club. I wonder what nixon would think of me bussing there.

You know I never really got the weird tough guy posturing of men don't cry, like 90% of my music taste is country music about men crying because they just had a breakup.

the fucked up thing is You Never Even Called Me by My Name is the perfect country and western song

thanks

A quick peak at the verdigris dunes, a massive sand dunes made of the oxidized remains of millennium of copper waste.

what's up gamers, the teaser page for my new Mothership Month '25 project, ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE, is up on backerkit now—this one's about space trucking!! check it out: www.backerkit.com/call_to_acti...

ok mr smart guy then why don't you tell me what the "appropriate" level of pyrotechnics for a funeral is

the sandwich shop is offering the lizardman deluxe

It's official, I'm woke now.

Sodomy Rifle

My freakishly large baby should be allowed to control the nuclear football.

New York Mayor Eric Adams Pledges to "Summon Creatures" to City "Regardless of Election Outcome"

I would simply use gun-kata to deflect the radioactive particles