If there is one thing guaranteed to fuck up my Sims' day, it's trying to put away an onion. That shit is going to take up the next 4 hours, mimimum.

Controversial, I know, but I'm not really digging the planet's vibe right now. Don't tell the planet, I don't want it to be mad at me.

This is who runs this account

Awful time to be alive but truly an amazing time to be a hater

god: it's called a snapping turtle angel: so cute, why would he call you a sna - snapping turtle: OMG SHUT THE FUCK UP

Benji and Paris are absolutely in a tree, and I am in an adjacent tree with binoculars out having a full on peep at their k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

Mr @theryangeorge.bsky.social has absolutely broken my brain. "That's the name of the moooovie!" I squawk into my empty lounge.

no kings all my homies fucking hate kings

Just casually backgrounding SVU while playing solitare, hear a voice, look up and - hey, that's Scott Adsit, that's a cool 'famous person of the episode'. 3 minutes later excuse me sir that's fucking Robin goddamn Williams!

Despite warnings from the law enforcement not to attend today’s No Kings rally after this mornings shooting of Minnesota lawmakers with the killer on the lose, the No Kings Rally is happening at the Minnesota State Capitol in St. Paul.

How I take criticism

CNN just threw up a graphic that their reporter was in Tehran. She's in Tel Aviv. And saying "Israeli's aren't used to this kind of destruction". Fucking hell, CNN.

So in Minnesota, they're looking to find a guy dressed exactly like a Minnesota police officer using hundreds of other police officers? How is that going to work?!?

Anyway, I've been going out of my mind because I've not been able to tell everyone that on balance Nine is my favourite doctor. Thank god that's out of my system.

Hmm got locked out of over there for being hateful. In responding to a fully fash blue tick wanker. What a fair thing that happened.

i somehow only just now learned that Zohran Mamdani made a rap song and recorded a music video... AND ITS A BOP??!? youtu.be/iQVsVNPkPmE?...

New Episode released! S3-Episode 19 “Reap the Whirlwind” Desperate times call for desperate measures… #themodusfiles #audiodrama #podcast #Fallout #Fallout76 Please like and reshare! @bethesdastudios.com @fallout.bethesdastudios.com

I haven't recorded anything in months and boy howdy am I rusty!

@soozuk.bsky.social - I know things in the broader world are very serious, but will you be doing a Pre AnnivEErsary roundup at all? Who's in the burny pub? Who should Denise pick? Who briefly inconvenienced Cindy?

SUCK IT DORK

Share a crush you have with no explanation

Swaim, Simpsons AND Shatner?! Fuck. Yes. Get it watched. @michaelswaim.bsky.social youtu.be/L2coeuZIFJM?...

No wonder this massive bag of small Toblerone was on sale. It's all sweet and claggy now and it might last me till next Christmas. Bleurgh.

I don't know why, in my nightmares, I'm always involved in shit. Last night I was trying to take down zombie clones. In the zombie apocalypse I'd be 10000 miles away/dead. The night before, just being targeted by snipers at the opera. Who goes the fucking opera?!

Carter seems like the anti-thatcher.

I want an alien for Christmas. (Ideally, predator or a smarter version of the independence day ones. Let's get united behind some off-planet xenophobia in 2025.)

Don’t forget to check on the curmudgeons in your life today. If you’re annoyed, they’re so much more annoyed.

My scissors aren't gliding through this paper, so I can't relate to all your jizzing gifs

An uber but for doing dishes

If you’re looking to watch a murder mystery comedy that is equal parts daft and dark over the holidays, try out Murder for Dummies on YouTube! It’s a six episode series my friends and I made *entirely* independently: think Garth Marenghi meets Agatha Christie. First episode👇 youtu.be/9wD6ndC_8hI

Loads of people sending Merry Christmas texts IT IS TOMORROW. DO CALENDARS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU PRICKS?!

I won an award! Okay the PODCAST won an award, but @themodusfiles.bsky.social is a scholar and a gent and sent me a physical trophy which is HUGE and SHINY. Listen to the award winning The Modus Files wherever you get your podcasts, and thank you to #W3Awards for the most excellent honour.

Sooz's recaps are a necessity if you're going into EE Christmas Day blind, they are also hella long and gives you something to do while we all wait for Santa.

my favorite part about the weekend before christmas is all the fever and sneezing and body aches added to all the stress and dread and trauma flashbacks, really magical time of year

Sorry I clotheslined you, but you did tell me to chillax.

Making paper decorations, watching Wolf Hall, hot chocolate on the way. I'd be such a good mother if the idea of that didn't chill my blood and curdle my stomach.

Yo mama so fat she puts all the struggle, suffering, love and rot, the light and shame, all of it into a perspective so vast and cool your life becomes just one lick of cosmic flame, vibrating string that sings all things to sleep and makes us so small and free we become unbound, atomic, elemental.

The Riddler is fit AS.

Another no-sleeper. Maybe for 2025 I'll buy a mallet. Or go insane.

The Pearl With The Girl Earring

Note to self: ask @michaelswaim.bsky.social if he also watched Bananaman...

My nephew is 2, and a prodigy. St Nick in his traditional green and everything

Had a big salad and now I'm sleepy I'm so fucking cool lads

The best thing about diets is nothing

Panic! Out of Crisco

Just did some all-time retail small talk in Waterstone's, really bouyed my whole week!

There is a duck outside absolutely pissing itself with laughter.

Got a text that annoyed me so much I stewed in my rage for 4 hours then replied "Ok." Yeah, that'll learn em