inventing a drink called The Susan Collins. to make it, you say "I'm very concerned about this" and then you serve gin and bleach to an 11th grader

Chuck Schumer announces three hard and fast demands 1. No don't put the tape back on 2. Mmfgrumgh 3. Grmbh fftgrmbh grh

Most people at my funeral: *crying, hugging* The friends who made trauma candy salad with me: youtube.com/shorts/gV8kx...

Everyone appreciate my porch goose's beautiful Valentine's Day outfit. Her name is Gretchen, but I call her "The Gretch." Please tell The Gretch she is beautiful.

Istg if nobody tries to take this opportunity, I'll just scream. Even if they don't think it'll work. Please, somebody try.

Throwback to the time I asked my wife to name the celebs in a picture (to prove a point) and she answered "Spider-Man and Zandaray" (which proved my point)

Made a @scalzi.com -esque leftover burrito today: - Tilapia w/ dill - Corn - Greek yogurt sauce w/ parsley - 1/2 slice of deli turkey - 1 slice of Swiss cheese Taste: 5/10. Not great, not bad. Efficiency: 8/10. Freed up containers. Image spoilered to protect my already traumatized friends.

When times get tough, it grounds and centers me to remember I once sang "I Don't Want To Wait" at karaoke and Paula Cole herself walked up to me after to say "It should have been you on the track. Please live a beautiful life with every joy."

"Hi, Brittany, I work in your area and was wondering what you're planning to do with [home address]..." Live in it. Listen, I know y'all have to hustle, but this constant pestering of homeowners is the real estate equivalent of "you wanna sell? What about now? You sure? How 'bout now?"

The number of times I've seen delusional people say "this is different, these are violent rapists and criminals getting removed from our country" as though every group ever treated like this in history weren't portrayed as vile animals to justify it...

In solidarity with today's ICE OUT OF MINNESOTA blackout, MinnMax is donating $1 to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota for every share of this Bluesky post for the next hour.

Latest update: yesterday SUCKED for pain, but I think I'm finally making progress. I cried at one point last night... Do not cry after abdominal surgery. It is a feedback loop of hell. Getting pretty bored, ngl.

Update: Gallbladder is out and I'm doing well! I've been sleeping off the lingering motion sickness from anesthesia, but beyond that it's all very manageable with the pain meds, etc. 👌

So far, I am only seeing TPM, Mediaite, and Daily Beast focusing on this. We live in a world where the president calling an ethnic group "very low IQ" and "bad for our country" while insisting they "ought to get the hell out of here" barely makes headlines. talkingpointsmemo.com/news/trump-m...

"Wait, it's all gacha hell?" "Always has been."

Caleb what in the FUCK are you wearing I know it's a costume for a play, but I've never seen BDSM hunting gear

As we say goodbye to my gallbladder tomorrow, I'd like to remember all the things it's done for me: - store bile - make rocks

SO HYPE to have my gallbladder surgery tomorrow and maybe possibly hopefully be able to eat safe foods predictably again 👍 Please send your good juju or write to the atheism senator or something for this to be the thing that fixes it!

And consider using meshtastic.org tech for encrypted text messaging that doesn't rely on wifi or cellular and where the network is self-healing.

The KFA. Key Fob Army!

Dumb people are literally killing us

I just remembered why I've been away from this corner of the internet... It's overwhelmingly depressing every single day to see the news

I've been away, so here are the updates: - I'm having my gallbladder out next week - I was accepted into a fancy schmancy choir, 2 rehearsals so far, very fun - I've been playing Pokemon Legends Z-A and I love my Talonflame

If Lee Minho and Han Jisung achieved their ostensible goal of being so close that they merged into one being, that being would look like Goo Gun-il. Change my mind.

I was so excited until I continued on to the second line 😭

I’m at the combination Pizza Hut and Kennedy Center.

"As my presentation has clearly shown, Love and Deepspace is a productivity app with yet untapped growth potential for heading into Q1. And that's why the company should reimburse me for premium purchases. Thank you."

Downloaded LADS last week on my new phone, just as a sort of benchmark test... So anyway now I'm lvl. 33 and really need that Indulgent Scheme memory

"I love the pink-toned smoky eye look you're rocking today." Why thank you, I have eyelid eczema.

sharks, i come today with an opportunity for you to invest in a cask of the finest amontillado in the world. please follow me into the catacombs so you can try it for yourselves

I dreamed I stayed late after middle school (I'm 39) to watch a heavily bearded @markhamillofficial.bsky.social play drums in a jazz trio by the front entrance. My phone wouldn't let me take a picture for proof, so with every song I was begging the setlist for more time. He seemed to be having fun.

MYDAYS, WE CANNOT LET YOUNG K'S "ENEMY" BE FORGOTTEN SPREAD THE FEVER ONCE AGAIN, IT IS TIME youtu.be/PHrB8OrZML0?...

I like to imagine that all shipping logistics in December is done by one giant team in constant chaos like at the end of Cabin in the Woods

Fine. Give us the Epstein files in Times New Roman, then.

Fucking endoscopy giving me all kinds of new things to be worried about while I wait for test results

Drive a miniature lunar rover on the moon using your smartphone! Up to 24,000 people globally will be able to participate. It's our turn! (I’m an advisor to this startup.) www.LimitlessTelepresence.com

I've got half a mind to get Sungjin's bobsungjin bouquet as a tattoo

You will be visited by 3 spirits.

Happy Pansexual & Panromantic Pride Day! 💗💛💙 #PansexualPrideDay #NOH8

If a bear attacks you, the best thing to do is play dead. Unless it's Dave, the Necrophiliac Bear

This Day in History... December 6, 1865: 13th Amendment ratified, officially ending the institution of slavery. Or, as Trump supporters now refer to it, "Radical, woke Congress interferes with States' Rights to property."

I saw this and my Day6 heart got excited by the word "moonrise." Lol

Also, the Bengal Spice tiger is hosting an intervention about Sleepytime Bear's out of control spending on Crunchyroll. The Morning Thunder Bison is just annoyed with Tiger's Constant Comments about him eating a full English Breakfast at 3am.

Grant me the serenity to accept the enemies I cannot defeat, the strength to defeat the ones I can, and the wisdom to stop taking Jenga so seriously

I know everyone thinks the sleepytime tea bear is cute, but I'll tell you something: that bear is in congestive heart failure.

Dreamed I got a chastising message at work that said, “You should know the names of all the Muppets,” and someone stuck up for me, saying, “I don’t think this one has a name,” and they attached a picture of like a white Gonzo with no eyes

THIS IS A BIG FUCKIN PROBLEM

I think one of my favorite stupid k-pop music video tropes is "sitting at a desk wearing glasses and inspecting an object while they lip sync and occasionally eye-fuck the camera." Because they're a sexy and eccentric intellectual, you see.

And before anyone lectures or unfollows me over using Spotify, I'm on my FIL's family account, which he isn't about to cancel regardless of whether I use it, so I argue I'm not the worst. I'm also still addicted to Amazon, so if you're gonna be mad at me, pick that one.