“I’m sorry I caused all that autism.”

There can’t be any gun restrictions because we have to protect against federal government tyranny, and if kids get shot we just have to live with it. Also the President can send troops to cities because the federal government can do whatever it wants. These two ideas are consistent and reasonable.

My ballot for NYT's Best Movies of the 21st Century. I'm sure Sinners will be on this list by the end of the year 📽️ #filmsky

I imagine the billions of people who came before us and never had a chance to hear Brian Wilson’s “God Only Knows”, and I’m thankful I had the chance.

They’ve finally invented a robot that’s as good as me at sports

Only Bag Of Chips Big Enough For Funeral Reception Says ‘Party Size!’ On It theonion.com/only-ba...

Don't tell me that the billionaires running the country don't have my interests at heart. You don't know my interests. What if my interests are to eat shit and die

I know he wasn't for everyone, but Lynch is and will always be in my top three director list. The images and sound he captured on screen were some of the most unique and amazing I've ever seen. It was like he had a direct line to my dreams and nightmares.

Fuck off, 2024!

in your dying moments you see a Jackie Chan style closing credits blooper reel of all the times you hurt yourself

I heard there was a secret ooze that turned four reptiles into dudes, but you don’t really care for turtles do ya

telling the Benihana chef he's made a powerful enemy today but it's drowned out by laughter as he flicks a 7th shrimp into my shirt pocket

Tonight’s Grizzlies/Warriors game

Homeschoolers should have to pay double property taxes to offset the cost of regular kids having to explain everything to them later

SIMPLY HAVING A

Need sound on.

1 in 50 US billionaires will have a position in the Trump administration

Ja getting a whistle over Luka

One thing many people are not aware of is that Apple has an entire building full of engineers who are working to push the boundaries of physics in seeing how far an AirPods case can fling the individual earbuds in different directions whenever you drop the case.

Four films that are my happy place. #FilmSky #MovieSky

I. JUST. WANT. THE. RECIPE. I. DON'T. WANT. FOUR. PAGES. OF. STORY. ABOUT. HOW. THIS. WAS. YOUR. AUNT. LINDA'S. FAVORITE. DISH. ON. WINTER. ESCAPES. TO. THE. MOUNTAINS.

I find it so funny when people are like, “I like Lin-Manuel Miranda, I just wish he weren’t so corny.” Like, what do you think the #1 requirement for a composer of musical theatre is.

Coming up next on the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade, The Butthole Surfers perform excerpts of their new musical Hairway to Steven on the Jif Creamy Peanut Butter Float.

time to begin year one of making THE HOLDOVERS an annual thanksgiving movie tradition

One aspect of parenting nobody ever talks about is the cosmic horror. My two year old just stared off into the distance and asked me "Daddy, what's the name of the whole universe?" and when I said "I don't know", she just smiled and kept saying "Guess!"

"Wicked" does not synch up to "Dark Side of the Moon" at all. Sorry to everyone in the theater.

The Grizzlies' depth has been insane this season, and there's room for growth too with players back from injury, and with players becoming more familiar with the new offensive system

Turning this off is the best gift you could give your family on Thanksgiving.

Made my first trip from Memphis to Nashville in the EV. Overall, it went well, but added some time to the trip for charging. Lots of fast charger options in Jackson, but little else between there and Nashville. #EV

font choices matter

Happy 37th anniversary of the Max Headroom Incident, to those who celebrate.

There are times where basketball can be one of the most beautiful displays of athleticism you’ll ever see. Tonight’s Grizzlies/Nuggets game is not that.

Conservatives have messed up a lot of stuff for us, but they did give us this, which will forever be awesome

I feel like we all just picked Bluesky and didn’t even give MILF Messenger a chance

Happy Birthday Marty

Elon: We cut so much government waste. There was one ridiculous $300 billion program called “Mole People Annual Tribute” (the ground beneath Washington DC starts rumbling)

starting to wonder if telling the most venal, greedy, short-sighted people in the world that “history will judge you” is maybe not the disincentive we’d hoped for.

Here goes

Yet another west coast Grizzlies game I will struggle to stay awake through. #grizz

Going to use this site because I’m done with dealing with dummies for now. If I’m following you, congratulations! You’re not dumb!

Have my last chemo treatment scheduled this week, which still makes it 10x better than last week.