joan diddykong

If someone tries to talk to me about the cultural impact of Avatar there’s gonna be two cultural impacts: me culturally impacting them and them culturally impacting the floor

happy dheizember to all who celebrate

kirby air riders get rick quick scheme

real men have a little cry about loona disbanding sometimes

Me: bud can you stop eating grass please My dog, who has no concept of “eating,” only the constant exchange of sustenance and energy among all living things, not least of which, the unassuming blade of grass, which in its humility, communes directly with the sun: 🙂 ?

Your email found me but I am not well

the average person commits fraud twice a year, but this is only because of statistical outlier Santos Georg, who should not be counted

who could have known the My Leg! guy was so multitalented

Them: Let’s get together! What’s your calendar look like? Me: Same picture of a dog on it till text month

america will not stand for a descent into authoritarianism. they will sit and watch

the ones who walk away from omelettes: my vegan journey

ever eat a kid’s meal at a restaurant, then get beat up by their parents

I would like the child sacrificed to stop, either by we stop doing them, or we acquire an orb with some kind of enchantment, I don't want to be too prescriptive about it, but an orb or other artifact with magical properties that causes them to stop.

she said 🍌☹️

me: knows they’re losing me: pays for my place by the ring

look. i want a mitski tattoo and STAY SOFT is eight letters (knuckle tat length). i’m just SAYING,

every time i turn around boomers gather round always lookin at me up and down lookin at my [cathartic scream]

nothing burger left beef

not ONLY am i a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker - i am also a bitch, lover, child, mother, sinner, saint and i do not feel ashamed

concept: girlboss comedy gothic account where it is heavily implied her 9 to 5 is an actual cult

a top post for me

if ur a horror writer u have two choices: have a really scary look or a totally unassuming look. both choices are equally funny

life hack: need to make a girl cry? simply ask about her mother’s stolen youth. works every time

Ever since I was little, I wanted to disagree with people online

bleem calling hassan “the ones who lift weights in omelas” lives in my head rent free

he was a tater boy

Have become very small. Sipping from a thimble. Relaxing

tw capitalism but i wish i lived in a world where all of my tech products were the color of my pearl pink nintendo gameboy advance sp

If you cut the roof off of Baba Yaga’s hut it can still run around for several minutes, but this is only a reflex action of the house’s nerves, not magic (as previously believed)

i don’t trust you man. you look like shit. you look. Like you got a lever in your house. opens a door to more house.

My skeets are to be read with the voice of a 10 inch tall 1930s mobster just trying to have it all in the big city

conor omalley and dropout improv have a nyc show on the same night whatta hell am i sipposed to do..

chekhov’s gun is so rad every time i see it i’m like yasss go off

my game of the year was halo 2 because i played it with my girlfriend and we had fun :)

I Love My Cable Managed Life.

giddy up, jingle horse, jingle your horse

ballatro (when i'm balling out playing balatro)

we must convince men that spitting on the ground is gay

looking up the author for the scifi book i'm enjoying and getting jumpscared every time

so kind of my 2 favorite artists (mitski and alvvays) to be hosting a PERSONAL concert for ME on my 5 year anniversary

i don’t know what goulash is and at this point i’m scared to ask

i spoil my dog so much i be googling shit like can dog eat haricots verts

no one: my brain: i don’t smoke (yeehaw version)

breaking the ice at a mitski concert: so do u guys like mitski

my dog is so feminist that he has huge ears to listen to women better

*kneeling down inspecting a star shaped zit sticker on the sidewalk* yep, it’s fresh. a gen Zer was just here.

one time in central park i witnessed a raccoon dive into a public trashcan only to pop back out with a whole slice of pizza in his mouth, as a new yorker this felt kinda like seeing a unicorn. a small crowd formed. it was so cute and comedic.