Well don't I feel stupid

Never gonna forget this friend right here. I will vote for whoever makes it real

Gavin Newsom is 5% less likely to die cuz he got his foot stuck in the toilet but if Trump does it first his odds drop to 0%

These declassified documents will reveal the shocking truth that she got all the way to Norfolk Island but during her pit stop she decided she really liked that area so she stayed and opened up a little café near the beach.

THEY MADE A SEQUEL TO "Bo Obama Accepts Dognitaries From Furuguay"!!!!

Fritolaysia Cuts Off Chiplomatic Relations With Snakistan https://theonion.com/fritolaysia-cuts-off-chiplomatic-relations-with-snakist-1819568143/

the post office is a public service. it doesn’t need to make money. public transit doesn’t need to make money. the library doesn’t need to make money. some things exist for the public good and we desperately need lawmakers to stop thinking about them in terms of capitalism. these are not businesses.

I just wanna make cool stuff and make friends 😭

Morning walk

This is what happens when you fuck with the money. Disney lost the theme park adults and freaked. Sinclair noticed people doing the thing people never do - calling their sponsors. REMEMBER THIS FOR THE NEXT TIME. Speedrun that shit.

the political policy cure for “male loneliness” is - more time to hang with the fellas (4 day work week) - more money to spend with the fellas (higher wages) - more things to do with the fellas (taxing the rich and building 3rd spaces)

Centrists: horseshoe theory is real because I'm too scared to admit how fucked things already are! Leftists: horseshoe theory isn't real because I won't admit that the alt-right also preys on us! Me: horseshoe theory is real because I practice it every day

"the menswear guy isn't fair and balanced." do you even hear yourself? "fork lady is eroding public confidence." "ladder baby is undermining the credibility of the field." "lemon raccoon is acting without transparency or accountability." that's what you sound like.

"please leave a review on Google"

ce n'est pas une balle

Personally as I enter my 30s I'm doing my best to adopt a "you kids don't know how bad you have it" tact for middle age and would encourage Millennials to do the same. The world's so shit and so deep in denial about that shit, the kids need adults who recognize just how unbearable they have it.

Excited to announce that @lizpelly.bsky.social will be reading from her book 'Mood Machine: The Rise of Spotify and the Costs of the Perfect Playlist' at UMAW's free show in D.C. this coming Monday Sept 29. RVSP now for your spot it's filling up fast: actionnetwork.org/events/julia...

APRIL - 1805 NAPOLEON IS MASTER OF EUROPE ONLY THE BRITISH FLEET STANDS BEFORE HIM THERE IS NOTHING IN NAVAL LAW STATING THAT A GOLDEN RETRIEVER CANNOT SERVE HIS MAJESTY AS CAPTAIN OCEANS ARE NOW BATTLEFIELDS

bandon bippo has really been making a name for himself lately. you may not know the name mappy marvin, but before long manperson krogerpublix jerseys will be flying off the shelves

All of Gaul is divided into three parts AND IT SHOULD'VE STAYED THAT WAY

"It's gauche and uncivil to accurately describe me" is a core view of today's fascists

I wonder how many will be released once they're identified as Republican Congressional aids...

The AI art people claim they have all these ideas, tons of ideas, but the gatekeeper artists are standing in their way. How they get their “ideas”:

They've lost the 9yos

Bugs Bunny fucked with Marvin the Martian in each of these at least once

Another week, another pundit with custard for brains squawking that we need to return to Twitter or become politically irrelevant: Some of us are on social media to be goofy and also don’t want to rub elbows (or anything else) with Nazis

Nice to see Fox News picking up where Hard Drive left off

From D. L. Mayfield:

We could just cancel ALL our streaming services and take up knitting, I helpfully suggest

As you see screenshots of various listings bear in mind that this is #100 so if it's got three digits, urine is more popular than it.

I mean that's just Silicon Valley reinventing Citizen Kane, no innovation detected.

Seems bad for our society when you can’t make racist terrorists the villains

What I can’t get over is that his absolute best try at a deflection was the Star Wars thing—“Kissinger was nice to nerds”—and as facially puerile as it is, it’s also a self-betraying lie, because he admits to inviting him to the event in the first place. The story fails to explain their relationship

JUST ADDED: Join us on September 29th in DC to celebrate the reintroduction of the Living Wage for Musicians Act, now with a reading from @lizpelly.bsky.social, author of Mood Machine! The show is free and open to all with RSVP: actionnetwork.org/events/julia...

"LIBERALISM IS WHATEVER MY FRIENDS LIKE TO TALK ABOUT AT DINNER AND ILLIBERALISM IS WHATEVER SCARES ME, I AM A PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL, BUY MY BOOK ABOUT STARS WARS"

More than 1800 detainees are missing after the closure of Alligator Alcatraz. Their families and lawyers can’t find them and they’ve vanished from the ICE database. Feels like this should be a much bigger story www.miamiherald.com/news/local/i...

My grandfather adamantly crusaded against Kissinger in his WaPo columns during the Nixon years, constantly railing against his war crimes and anti-democratic covert ops. Behind closed doors they were good friends, even if their love language was insults. These do not need to be mutually exclusive.

Watching the Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Story before our Disney Plus cancellation goes into effect and omg Ewoks keep alpacas as livestock this is the most amazing thing possible peak inner child has happened

BTW if any of y'all are in DC next Monday there's a kickass concert that United Musicians and Allied Workers are holding after their press conference reintroducing the Living Wages for Musicians Act. RSVP here to get in for free: actionnetwork.org/events/julia...

LOL

The number of things that qualify someone for being autistic outnumber the things that make someone neurotypical and studies have not found NTs to be typical. The whole model is just some bullshit Nazis made up and neuroscience waited WAY too long to really interrogate that fact.

I'm being so real right now, learn how to engage in media as art and not a reflection of your own real life morals. consume things that make you uncomfortable and understand why it makes you uncomfortable. Don't just base yours and others morals standings on the media you consume.

One of the few things I like about social media is those times where people give bad advice and the post itself demonstrates how bad the advice is. Yes please tell me how to be a successful internet personality, YouTube channel with more videos than subscribers.

…were almost certainly lashing out at the priestly aristocracy, not all Jewish people. Everyone was finger pointing then and the Christians were beginning to be kicked out of fellowship with people they were still considering fellow Jews. Anyway, the gospels aren’t history in the modern sense.

“The Jews” in no way killed Jesus and anyone who reads those gospels with any sort of historical mindset would know the gospels were composed just after the Romans destroyed the temple and Judaism, which was already sectarian, was in crisis, and Jewish Christians (which were still the majority…

Jimmy Kimmel is back on ABC. I want to encourage you to not rush to re-up your streaming subscription. A few days of low returns don't hurt them. Make it hurt. Make it so they look at the next quarter or the next fiscal year and go "Fuck, that was a baaaaad decision. Let's not do it again."

My man David Byrne released a new album this month

You thought it was a joke?!?! Fuck no!this is real!