Every cat has a name like Generalissimo Sephiroth Cumberbatch and every giant dog has a name like Lumpo

*Me nodding to the other men in the bar* Yeah I'm kinda like the breadloser in the relationship, you know?

I couldn't watch Pee-Wee's Big Adventure again because I don't remember when Large Marge does her thing and I'd be scared the whole time

John Mulaney : Quicksand :: Me : Having a bunch of teens on bikes encircle and disorient me

My lesson from this is that I touch grass too much

Healing the US-UK divide this Thanksgiving by having a turkey dinner but refusing to talk about my feelings.

To quote Field Trip's favorite pop duo, Icona Pop*, I LOVE IT! This was so funny, reminded me of their live shows. I can't wait for more eps. Please give them a listen to make your day better! *I couldn't verify this

NYCFC is the Andrew Cuomo of MLS send skeet

I love MLS playoffs 😊

Klasky-Csupo really made the lumpiest looking cartoons

I love to learn British History

there is not a second of fat in this. 10/10

It’s pronounced cyclist.

UNTIL IT’S DONE, Ep. 4: Sylvia Rivera In the 1970s, queer New Yorkers had been pushed to the margins of NYC. Our trans neighbors faced immense cruelty. But in Sylvia Rivera, they found a champion. As we combat Trump’s politics of darkness, her legacy can light the path forward.

The days are more fun when you pronounce again as agayn and treasure as traysure

Do people who live in cities with a name that has a more famous version somewhere else feel bad? Like you have to be, right? If I lived in Boston, Georgia, or Rochester, Minnesota, I'd be seething. Teeth grinded down to nubs whenever someone visits

You now have ***less than 24 hours*** to take advantage of Hell Gate's Biggest Year Ever, Biggest Sale Ever! 34 percent off all annual subscriptions until the end of the day. Do NOT miss it! hellgatenyc.com/membership/

Hell yeah, AI video, early 2000s was the best! Loved my classmates making fun of me for weeks because I failed 'the gay test' (a boy put his hand on my shoulder and I didn't instantly bat it off me like a spider)

Trying to figure out how RBNY, w/ only 2 DPs and relatively few TAM-level signings, are heading into the winter with only $150k GAM to bring to 2026. And it occurs to me it must be that the front office (ownership?) probably never switched to the 2/4/2 roster build model. Which... lots to unpack.

I wanna live my life so that Isaac Chotiner never feels the need to interview me

Found a new insult if a posh bloke nags me off

Married life is full of unexplainable romance

It's not totally crackpot to think that Trump being president is uniquely toxic to the chemistry of a team that's half immigrants and half guys who didn't go to college.

I have an app timer for Bluesky on my phone, and it's always right at the end that a big funny story drops. The movie gets good as I'm walking out of the theater

298. s10e12 Squirm www.mst3kinfo.com?p=6312

We reached a milestone we never thought was possible when we first started this project of 2 comedians talking footy. Today, we're celebrating ten years of The Cooligans!! We got so many messages from our friends in the soccer community and reacted to them live. 🔟❤️🥳 Watch here: youtu.be/uR1gUfFFdDQ

JD Vance found out where I live. Now his family is vacationing in my house. I've put up protest signs but police tell me there's nothing I can do

This is a masterpiece. Simply excellent www.instagram.com/reel/DMVGMIC...

Shout out to @rajandelman.bsky.social for showing me this 🙏

[Chicago voice] DA THAMES

We sent @timdonnelly.com to the Italian-vs-Italian rally in Astoria and he got a whole bunch of people to talk to him about who should replace Columbus as America's honorary Italian who gets you a day off from work nygroove.nyc/italians-for...

You proud of yourself, you chub? You barbel? You absolute roach?

I just moved like a month ago and this is me every single day

Got hella roasted by my new tv

Getting dragged to the Tower of London because I keep calling biscuits 'thick crackers' in an attempt to sow discord amongst the citizenry

Watching Paddington in Peru as part of this new regimen they're calling 'delightmaxxing'

Ready to be so annoying about Project Hail Mary for the next 9 months

Why did I get so invested in NYC's mayoral election. I'm so far away. Why did I do this to myself

Oh no, now where will I go if I want to overdose on loud fluorescent lighting

The devil works hard but British spiders work harder

Rock Climbing is a great example of something where long limbs can make up for your total lack of strength or ability. It's the Gibbon Paradox

ME: yeah could i get the impossible burger with cheese. THE VIZIER WHO'S BEEN ADVISING ME: ahh, an excellent choice sire. an imitation of the genuine article. there are some "friends" of yours to whom it bears a passing similarity ME: you want anything VIZIER: [chuckles] what i want is of no import

Moving out is a fun exercise to see how much of my stuff is just things I picked up and never returned. Living like a damn Borrower out here

We're ruled by a class of people who refuse to apologize for anything bad they do, and that is so alien to me. How do you live like that!? I say sorry when I get hit with a shopping cart.

🎶They tried to make me switch to decaf, and i said nooo, nooo, no!🎶

Plan To Straighten Out Entire Life During Weeklong Vacation Yields Mixed Results theonion.com/plan-to...

I’m at wrigley field for a work outing and the line for the bathroom got so long that everybody cheers when someone exits

Calling 911 after I post five funny reels in the group chat and get zero reaction emojis